


An Act of Surrender

by forbiddenquill



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I'm trying not to spoil yall with the tags, Inspired by The Fifth Wall, baby au, but this is going to be one hell of a ride, lots of angst and lots of fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-05-02 00:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 56,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19188055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddenquill/pseuds/forbiddenquill
Summary: AU: Set after 4x22. An alien pod crash-lands right on the back of Lena’s house in Metropolis. Inside, she finds a baby with blonde hair and green eyes bearing the House of El symbol. She thinks of no other option except to call Supergirl, whom she hasn’t seen for the past few months after their fallout, and to give her the baby. However, it is subsequently realized that the baby is of Kryptonian and human DNA, more specifically Lena Luthor’s.(or alternatively, Lena finds a new family through the unlikely help of one Kara Danvers.)





	1. find my way back

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Fifth Wall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10087934) by [Black_Tea_and_Bones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Tea_and_Bones/pseuds/Black_Tea_and_Bones). 



> This fic is definitely the fault of Black_Tea_and_Bones who made me fall in love with their version of our Supercorp fam. I loved Lizzy so much in that fic and couldn't think of any other baby name so I decided to use that name in my own. Guys, before you read my fic, make sure you read 'The Fifth Wall' first!! It's not related to my fic at all, but I just want you guys to cry at the beauty of that amazing story!!! 
> 
> Also, this AU was suggested by myfeelings in the comment section of my previous fic, even though I tweaked some of it. This one's for you, dude! (I say that as a gender-neutral term, by the way.)
> 
> The title comes from Allan Watt's 'Falling into Love' essay.
> 
> Disclaimer: I have only watched the Pilot for Supergirl. If I get anything wrong, I apologize sincerely. I get my info from the Arrowverse wiki lmao. Enough said. 
> 
> Just enjoy the first chapter!!!

 

_Cause even underneath the waves_  
_I'll be holding on to you_  
_And even if you slip away_  
_I'll be there to fall into the dark_  
_To chase your heart_  
_No distance could ever tear us apart_  
_There's nothing that I wouldn't do_

_I'll find my way back to you_  

**— Eric Arjes, Find My Way Back**

…

Lena sips her black coffee early one Sunday morning and for the first time since moving out of National City, doesn’t think of Kara Danvers. She thinks of gardening, of the dozens of emails she has to read through, of the fact that her brother Lex has been dead for five months now. No, she doesn’t think of Kara Danvers, her best friend turned Supergirl, and she is grateful.

That is — until the alien pod crashes in her backyard.

Everything shakes at the impact. A few of the potted plans Lena owns crashes to the floor. The paintings she bought on a whim every time she visited galleries drop down from their frames. Lena manages to hold onto her kitchen counter, watching in disdain as her mug topples off from the table and spills all over her white carpet. When it comes to explosions, she isn’t as reactive as she used to be, especially since she’s been on the receiving end of one too many death threats. The shaking continues on for a while, triggering all of the alarms in her house. The loud, insistent ringing blasts through the walls, giving Lena a major headache so early in the morning.

“I’m getting too old for this,” she mumbles under her breath, letting out a huge sigh once everything stills again. She rushes to the security system to shut the alarm off. The silence envelopes her, cold and heavy, and it is only then that she smells the smoke in the air.

Cursing, she rushes outside in her cotton shirt and sweatpants, nearly stumbling on an overturned chair that fell in front of the back door. She follows the smoke there, flinging it wide open and letting her eyes take in the sight of a pod that has crash landed in her backyard. It's an oval-shaped pod, smaller than she expected, with a silver and gold lining in its outer layer. There's smoke coming from the back, dark and ominous. She covers her nose as she approaches, trying not to breathe in.

Just a regular Sunday morning for a Luthor.

It's difficult to see what's inside because Lena can only see her reflection. Perhaps it could be nothing — just another stowaway pod that just happened to land right in the middle of her gardenias. Lena's about to huff out a sigh and call her cleaning services to get this mess fixed when she hears a faint cry from inside. She freezes — _was that a baby_?

She turns back to the pod, waving the fumes away and checking the outside for any switch. The lower half of the vehicle has been burned away from its flight in outer space but Lena can detect a few wires poking out. The crying starts up again, getting louder, and she hurries to hotwire a few things. Hopefully, the pod works just like a car would.

It takes half an hour for her to find the right wires. When she connects three yellow ones at the same time, she hears a faint _whoosh_ sound and the _click_ of a pod retracting. She stumbles up to her knees, dirt getting on her sweatpants, because the crying has only intensified now that whatever is inside can finally breathe fresh air. Her heart thunders loudly in her chest as she carefully places her fingers on the edges of the pod. She takes a look inside and her breath catches in her throat.

She sees a baby. A baby with blonde wisps of hair and bright green eyes peering back up at her, snot dripping down its nose. The crying has minimized to soft whimpers. What catches Lena’s attention next is the red blanket wrapped around the infant and the large _S_ symbol embroidered on it — _the House of El_.

 _Kara_.

Lena didn’t want to think about her today but now, her ex-best friend has once again wormed her way into her thoughts. Letting out a sigh that seems to take everything out of her, Lena debates what to do next. There’s a freaking baby right in front of her but she doesn’t want to carry it. It’s not even hers, for Christ’s sake. Besides, she doesn’t even _know_ how to hold a baby. She might drop it along the way.

“It’s too early in the morning,” she whines to herself, rubbing her eyes and getting soot on her cheek. She moves to stand up, still unsure of what to do next, when the baby in the pod starts crying again, louder than before.

She freezes. An article she read years ago pops up in her head — children left crying by their parents tend to grow up emotionally unstable when they grow up. She hesitates, glancing into the skies and hoping to see a glimpse of another alien pod skyrocketing to earth but everything is clear and peaceful, except for the bawling baby by her feet. The baby catches her attention when it flips on its back and crawls on its hands and knees towards Lena, still crying and oggling at her — and she should probably stop calling the child an ' _it'_ now.

"Where on earth — _universe_ — are your parents?" she grumbles, letting out a huff and dropping down to her knees again. She bites her lower lip at the sight of the baby's red cheeks and reaches forward with the sleeve of her sweatshirt to wipe off the snot and tears.

The baby lets out a babble. Lena's heart twitches. "You're lucky you're cute," she grumbles. She moves to pull away again when something shiny on the baby's neck catches her attention.

A necklace.

She touches it with the tips of her fingers and frowns when she sees just how familiar it looks. It holds a foreign looking teardrop-shaped blue stone inside with the words _LIZZY_ written in the back. She can’t wrap her mind about where she saw it last so she tucks it back under the baby’s shirt.

“Lizzy, huh?” She murmurs, staring into the baby’s bright green eyes.

Getting some sort of attention from Lena seems to stop the baby from crying. It — _she_ — reaches forward with her chubby looking hands and places them on Lena’s cheeks, giggling as she does so, even though her eyes are puffy from crying all morning. Something inside the Luthor’s chest falters and stumbles at the action. It’s been a long time since she’s ever been this close to a child, much less a baby. The last was Sam’s daughter, Ruby.

She can’t really say that she’s good with children since she doesn’t have much experience with them. Of course, there are probably women her age out there who already have their own kids or have friends with kids. She just doesn’t have the same luxury. Of friends. Period.

(Well, she used to anyway.)

“Lizzy, hi. My name is Lena. Can you just wait here while I call for some help?” Lena pleads to Lizzy, carefully taking her hands away from her face. “It will only be for a short while and I promise that I will immediately return to your side.”

Lizzy responds by babbling. Lena takes this as an affirmative and stands up to get her phone from inside the house. Almost at once, the baby resumes crying again, as if Lena’s presence is the only thing keeping her from going baby-ballistic. Rattled, Lena moves, pushed with an urge to keep everybody around her — baby included — happy, and carefully picks the crying baby up into her arms. Even though her movements are unsure and shaky, she makes sure not to hold onto tightly as to not squeeze Lizzy by accident. She grips the child by the waist with her left arm while her right hand rubs soothing circles on Lizzy’s back.

The crying gradually stops.  

“Just a regular Sunday morning,” she mumbles under her breath.

She can handle death threats. She can even handle aliens. Hell, she handled her psychopathic murderous older brother Lex Luthor most of her whole life. But a baby? An innocent breath of life incapable of protecting itself? This is way out of Lena’s jurisdiction. She’s terrified of holding Lizzy in her arms but after a moment of awkward shuffling around, she realizes that the baby has fallen asleep against her shoulder.

She should call Sam.

Not the DEO.

(Where Alex Danvers is.)

She heads inside her house and grabs her phone from where it fell on the floor during the crash earlier. Balancing a sleeping Lizzy in her arms, she punches in Sam’s number and waits. It rings three times before Sam picks up, perky as ever, “ _Hey, boss_.”

“Don’t call me that,” is Lena’s first response, her voice low, “I need your help.”

“ _What is it? Did I misplace some paperwork last night because I swear to God, I double checked everything before I left_ — ”

“No, no.” Lena shakes her head and the movement causes the baby in her arms to stir. She hurries to rock her. "I have a baby crisis."

There's silence.

" _You're pregnant_?" Sam asks, surprise coloring her voice.

"Dear God, _no._ " Lena hopes the baby won't be able to remember the sheer apprehension in her voice. "I mean — a baby literally dropped down from the sky and landed in my backyard. It — I mean, _she's_ — Kryptonian."

" _Oh_." There's a pause again. " _A Kryptonian baby, huh? Shouldn't you be calling the DEO for anything alien related_?"

Lena scoffs. "I think I'm done with aliens, thank you very much."

Silence again. No matter how close she and Sam are, Lena hasn't exactly confided in her friend the reason why she left National City. The first time Sam brought up Kara, Lena didn't speak to her for an entire week. When Sam confronted her about it, the only thing Lena said was, "Ms. Danvers and I are no longer on speaking terms and no, I do not wish to talk about it. _Both_ of them, before you ask me about Alex."  

Since then, Sam has learned not to bring up anything related to the Danvers sisters. Which is a good thing because Lena would rather literally talk about anything else.

Until now.

" _So, are you just going to take care of the baby until she grows up and has her own version of justice_?" Sam asks, snorting. " _This is why the DEO exists, Lena_."

"I know," Lena stubbornly replies, "I am just not in the habit of calling the DEO anymore. I believe that I've lost their number."

" _Right_."

"The point is, Sam, that I am in dire need of assistance when it comes to an infant who won't stop crying until she sees me right in front of her. I know that it's a Sunday and you would rather have other activities planned with Ruby but I — "

" — _need me_ ," Sam finishes, almost smugly, " _I'll leave Ruby with a babysitter. Expect me there in half an hour_."

Lena lets out a grateful sigh. "Thank you."

" _No problem. Children are sort of my thing_."

Nodding to herself, Lena ends the call and puts the phone back on the kitchen table. When she looks around the living room, she frowns. Her house is a mess with everything out of place or lying on the floor. Picture frames have fallen, vases are broken and Lena can even spot the expensive bonsai tree she got on a trip from Japan in a shattered mess near the front door. Thankfully, her couch is still intact so she settles there with Lizzy in her arms while she waits for Sam to arrive.

It would be nice to have a cup of black coffee for this stress-inducing moment but she doesn't want to let go of the baby or even place her on the couch. What if she falls off? What if she starts crying again? Lena doesn't want to think about the repercussions of leaving a baby unattended. Besides, she has to make sure that Lizzy stays whole until she finds the parents.

She takes this moment of peace and quiet to think clearly. There's a sleeping Kryptonian baby on her chest, bringing along with her chaos and the Super symbol known to the House of El. Some part of her thinks that this is a long time coming. First, her brother goes crazy because of Superman. Second, she befriends the one and only Supergirl, only to be betrayed by her in the end. And now — Lizzy who literally dropped down from the skies and straight into her arms. Why does her life have to be plagued with the Supers of the Earth? When will she ever be purged from them? Some part of her thinks that she deserves this too.

“Oh, you weren’t kidding when you said there was a baby,” Sam says half an hour later when Lena swings the front door open. The other woman immediately coos at the sight of Lizzy, still asleep on Lena’s shoulder. She’s wearing a Metropolis City sweater with dark blue jeans. Her raven-colored hair, which she cut short in the past month, is tied in a low ponytail.

“Why would I be joking about this?” Lena grumbles, sighing in relief when Sam takes the baby from her arms. Her biceps feel a bit too sore.

Sam sends her a good-natured grin. “It’s not the end of the world,” she says, “It’s just a baby, though I am a little bit worried about the Kryptonian part.”

“How much do you want to bet that she’s going to destroy half of my furniture by late afternoon?”

“She’s a baby, not a dog.”

As Lena leads Sam inside her home, she notes the easy way she holds Lizzy in her arms. The woman is clearly a natural, rocking the baby back and forth while rubbing soothing circles on her lower back. Lena prepares some coffee for the two of them, making hers extra black, if it’s even possible. While the coffee brews, Sam hums a lullaby under her breath and Lena rubs the back of her neck, feeling tired and sore.

“Does she have a name?” Sam asks quietly, as to not disturb the infant.

“Lizzy,” Lena answers, “I saw it on her necklace.”

“It’s a cute name.”

Lena nods, pouring coffee between two mugs. Sam takes hers with a smile, easily managing to balance both a baby and her cup. What a goddess.

“So,” Sam begins once Lena has had a fill of her coffee, “What are you planning to do with Lizzy?”

“Call social services?”

“She’s Kryptonian.”

Lena sighs, not wanting to think about her options. If the pod was empty when it crash-landed on her backyard, she would’ve just called her cleaning crew. But there is a baby involved. Not even a human baby but a Kryptonian one. The most logical step to take is to call the DEO but Lena doesn’t really want to see Alex Danvers right now. Or ever, for that matter. The bitter taste of betrayal in her tongue is still a reminder of what happened back in National City and the blood in her hands…

(Besides, wherever Alex is, Kara is sure to follow behind.)

“I don’t know,” Lena tells Sam, glancing at the baby, “I should look for her parents.”

“And what happens if the worst thing has already happened?” The other woman asks, her voice low, “From what I’ve heard, people in escape pods usually mean that something bad has happened to their home planets?"

Lena doesn’t want to think about that possibility. The only reason she thinks Lizzy is of Kryptonian descent is because of the House of El symbol embroidered on the baby’s blanket but Krypton was destroyed decades ago. Well, as far as she knows, anyway. There is the possibility of the baby coming from Argo City, the same place Supergirl acquired the Harun-El to stop Sam during her rampage as a Worldkiller. The memory of Reign terrorizing National City is a distant thought, one she particularly doesn’t miss.

“Well,” Lena says, “We’ll just use our own devices to locate her parents. It can’t be that hard, right?”

Sam gives her a look. “Have you forgotten that there are hundreds of planets and galaxies out there?”

“Nothing that a Luthor can’t handle.”

It is in that exact moment that Lizzy decides to wake up. She lets out an audible yawn and pulls back to look at the person holding her. Sam gives her a smile meant to disarm, one that even relaxes Lena, but once Lizzy sees that she isn’t in Lena’s arms, she immediately begins to cry, loud and boisterous. She doesn’t seem to be old enough to form words so she just babbles and bawls, looking around every now and then as tears leak from her bright green eyes.

“Oh.” Sam lets out a laugh, turning Lizzy around so that they're both facing Lena. “She's looking for you.”

Lena helplessly looks on as Lizzy continues to cry, her chubby arms reaching out for the Luthor. “I’m not equipped to handle children,” she admits, torn between keeping her distance and soothing the infant.

“Tell that to every single parent out there,” Sam wryly says. “Go on. She won’t break.”

Lena continues to hesitate. Meanwhile, Lizzy whimpers, big green eyes just begging to be held and even Sam is now shooting her the puppy dog look. “Okay, fine,” the Luthor grumbles under her breath, putting down her coffee and letting Sam transfer the baby into her arms. “You’re both lucky that you’re cute.”

Lizzy quickly puts her hands on Lena’s cheeks again, her spit forming little bubbles on the tip of her lips. Lena snorts and wipes it away with the edge of her sleeve. Sam watches with a huge grin on her face.

“Oh, Lena, I think it’s time you think of settling down soon,” her friend says, “You look fit to be a mother.”

Lena rolls her eyes at her. “Speak for yourself. Come on. Let’s go to the pod. We might find more clues.” She gets up, holding Lizzy in her arms, and makes her way to the backyard, with Sam in tow. The escape pod has now stopped emitting smoke, which Lena is thankful for, since she doesn’t really know how to explain to her neighbors the events that transpired this morning.

Sam whistles. “This is a mess,” she remarks.

“I was planning to garden this morning,” Lena grumbles, dropping down to her knees and putting Lizzy on her lap, “Can you help me out here? Try to see if there’s anything inside the pod.”

They spend the next hour looking for clues. Lizzy crawls away from Lena more than once, using her chubby hands to grab onto the grass that she feels for from the ground. When Lena finally lets her be, after a lot of coaxing from Sam to let the kid have some fun with earthy substance, the two women comb through the pod, hoping to look for some pictures or names or anything that could help to identify the parents of this Kryptonian child. Just as they’re about to give up, Sam manages to trigger something from where she’s seated at the back of the pod and Lena hears a soft popping noise inside.

“Sam,” Lena calls, rising to her feet and seeing a small black box on the seat where Lizzy was; Sam stumbles up to her feet and comes to stand next to her.

“Well, that wasn’t there before,” she states.

“Hopefully, it isn’t a bomb,” Lena mutters, reaching down and picking the box up. It’s light and fits snugly in her palm. It also has Kryptonian characters written all over it. She toys with it for a couple of minutes, trying to find another switch or something to trigger a reaction. Sam watches closely. A second later, a voice comes out from the box, soft-spoken and very familiar. Lena jolts but doesn’t drop it, realizing that this is possibly the last message Lizzy will ever have from her real parents.

“Elizabeth — _Lizzy_ — I hope you’re safe wherever you are,” the voice says. There are sounds of explosions in the background but it’s faint. It sounds like the world is crashing around them. Lena realizes that whoever is speaking is also crying, her voice hiccuping as she struggles with her words; “Your mom and I are so sorry that it had to come to this but I know that you’ll be strong and happy. We sent you to a place where you’ll find a new family. _El Mayarah_ , remember? Don’t forget about us and we love you very much. We’re so sorry — please forgive us — "

The message ends in static.

Lena glances over to Lizzy, who has stopped whatever she was doing with the grass to look up at the sound of the voice from the box. A smile breaks out on her face as she crawls back to Lena, gripping the ends of her sweatpants and demanding to be picked up again.

“Call me crazy or something,” Sam tells her, graciously picking Lizzy up from the floor since Lena is too frozen to do so, “but I swear — that voice sounds exactly like — ” She stops herself, looking curiously at her boss.

Lena stares at Lizzy, seeing the resemblance as clear as day. The same golden color of her hair, the same shape of her nose, and the same toothy grin that Lena used to love so much — she sees it now and she wonders how she didn't see it before. Only the eyes are different. They are not the deep, sparkling blue that she's grown used to looking into. Instead, Lizzy's eyes are a bright green, as bright as the earth that surrounds her. Lena's heart feels like it's being squeezed as the realization falls on her — could Lizzy be — ?

“Kara,” Lena whispers to herself, looking away from the child and back at the box in her hands. The name feels like a sting to her tongue; it's been too long since she said it out loud. “It sounded like Kara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment if you think there's anything worth commenting! Thank you!


	2. someone to stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Didn't you hear what the message said?" Sam starts the vehicle up when the light turns green. Lena watches the car with the German Shepherd make a sharp turn to the right and Lizzy whimpers as she watches it go.
> 
> Ah yes. The message from the box. Kara's tear-stained voice, apologizing and saying her goodbyes for one last time. A single line pops up in her head: "Your mom and I are so sorry that it had to come to this — " She gives Sam a heated look at the reminder.
> 
> "Don't you dare say it," she grumbles, "It's simply not possible. There's no way on earth that Kara and I would ever — " She doesn't finish the sentence. The anger and betrayal she felt from the past few months wash over her now, as distinct and sharp as ever before. She runs her fingers through Lizzy's blonde curls, sighing impatiently.
> 
> (Once, she thought she and Kara could be something more but the idea of it now only fills her with an undeniable dread.)
> 
> (Once.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out that all the chapter titles come from my playlist entitled 'Supercorp is for life.' I suggest you check them all out since they remind me a lot of Kara and Lena! 
> 
> Also, thank you for the overwhelming support in the first chapter. I totally did not expect you guys to be on board with this AU. I have half the mind to make this super long and angsty, since the one that inspired this fic was also very long and angsty (I will forever stan The Fifth Wall story.) 
> 
> Enough chitchat.
> 
> Enjoy the second chapter!

 

_Hear you falling and lonely, cry out_  
_Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?_  
_The end of the day, I'm helpless_  
_Can you keep me close? Can you love me most?_  

_You've drunk it down and now you've spat it out_  
_Nothing tastes like the things you had_  
_So tear it off, why don't you let them go?_  
_We all need someone to stay_  

_We all need someone to stay_

**— Vancouver Sleep Clinic, Someone To Stay**

...

"For the last time, Sam, I am not calling Kara," Lena grumbles into her second cup of coffee that morning. The black box they found now sits in the middle of her pristine white dining table, as ominous and foreboding as ever, looking like it didn't just deliver one of the most depressing messages Lena has ever heard.

Sam is holding Lizzy in her arms, facing Lena from the other end of the table. They seem to have found a trick to keep the baby quiet and sated — as long as Lena is in front of her then she is the most well-behaved girl in existence. Take Lena away and she's worse than a shrieking banshee. At the moment, Lizzy is playing with a spoon, oggling at her reflection on the utensil and giggling every now and then.

"This _could_ be her kid," Sam points out.

"I've done the math. Lizzy looks to be at least six months old. The last time I saw Kara, she definitely wasn't hiding a baby bump," Lena mutters. For some reason, she doesn't like the idea of her ex-best friend getting pregnant without her knowing. It somehow stings.

"You never know," Sam whispers, sighing, "You haven't seen her for _months._ If you won't call her, at least tell the DEO there's another Kryptonian running amuck."

"I won't."

"Lena."

Lena resists the urge to roll her eyes. "Telling the DEO would mean talking to Director Danvers, which I would rather not do," she says, downing the rest of her coffee in one go. The heat stings her tongue. She pushes through it, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Besides, from what it sounds like, that message just holds nothing but bad news."

Sam grows quiet as she combs her fingers through Lizzy's blonde curls, eliciting a few more giggles out of her. Lena can feel the tension in the air. Even though she's only met Lizzy two hours ago, she doesn't want to admit the possibility that her real parents could be gone. For good.

She also doesn't understand how it could be Kara's voice on that small box. If she had a child, surely Lena would know about it. Even though Kara never told her about being Supergirl, she'd like to believe that she'd tell her if there was going to be a baby involved in their lives. But no — it's only been five months since she last saw her. Kryptonians have the same physiology as humans. It takes at least nine months for a baby to be born. It just doesn't mathematically make sense at all.

She's starting to get a headache out of this.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Sam asks again, rubbing circles on Lizzy's back.

"My original plan," Lena replies, "That message might sound completely and utterly hopeless but it doesn't mean that Lizzy's parents are gone. There's a possibility that they're still alive. We just have to find them."

Lena moves to deposit her cup on the sink, rinsing it briefly. Lizzy starts crying when she disappears from her view, prompting Lena to immediately return to the dining room, sighing in exasperation at the child. It was only for a few seconds… Sam snorts, trying to quiet the baby but the bawling only worsens. Lena sees no other option but to extend her arms so that Sam can hand her Lizzy.

"You'll get used to this," Sam cheekily says.

"She won't be here for long," Lena promises, rocking Lizzy in her arms but the baby only cries harder, cheeks growing red and snot dripping from her nose. "Jesus, I'm right here, Lizzy."

Sam watches as Lena continues to rock her, hopefully, to lull her back to sleep or some semblance of peace and quiet but nothing works. Lizzy only continues to cry, her screams piercing through Lena's ears. Not even the sight of Lena making faces at her can calm her down.

"Am I doing something wrong?" Lena finally asks Sam, sounding rattled even to her own ears. She has to speak over Lizzy's sobbing.

"I think she's hungry," Sam theorizes, "You got baby milk?"

Lena raises an eyebrow at her. "Really?" she asks, "You should be asking her mother that."

It's now Sam's turn to roll her eyes. "I meant baby formula," she explains, "I would've expected you to call your secretary to buy some the second Lizzy showed up."

"Unfortunately, Jess does not work on Sundays."

"Figures." Sam pulls out her car keys from her back pocket. "Guess we're going shopping."

…

As Sam drives, Lena puts Lizzy on her lap and lets her watch the world pass by through the car window. The Luthor watches her closely, recognizing the baby for Kara's features, even though some part of her isn't sure if this whole thing is really real and if Lizzy really is Kara's daughter. And yet, the voice from the box was distinctively hers. Lena might not have been in contact with her ex-best friend for the past few months but she'd recognize Kara's voice anywhere.

Lizzy babbles on about everything that she sees, giggling wildly when Sam stops before a red light and next to a car with a German Shepherd poking its head out of the window. She points at the dog repeatedly, spit flying out of her mouth, as she tries to get Lena to look at where she's looking, even though Lena already is.

"That's a dog, Lizzy," Lena says, unable to keep the smile from her voice. Lizzy laughs, clapping her hands together in absolute delight. The German Shepherd barks at her.

"I have a feeling she's just like her mother," Sam comments, looking at them both, "I bet she's going to be a real charmer when she grows up."

"It isn't even confirmed that Lizzy is Kara Danvers' daughter," Lena quips.

"Please. Look at the resemblance." Sam points at the blonde hair and the goofy smile on the baby. "That's Kara Danvers reincarnated. The eyes are different, though. Hers are green." The woman hums, squinting at Lena. "Kind of like yours," she muses.

Lena snorts, putting Lizzy back on her lap and wrapping her arms around her. The baby squirms, beginning to cry once again. "There are lots of people with green eyes," the CEO says.

"Didn't you hear what the message said?" Sam starts the vehicle up when the light turns green. Lena watches the car with the German Shepherd make a sharp turn to the right and Lizzy whimpers as she watches it go.

Ah yes. The message from the box. Kara's tear-stained voice, apologizing and saying her goodbyes for one last time. A single line pops up in her head: " _Your mom and I are so sorry_ _that it had to come to this_ — " She gives Sam a heated look at the reminder.

"Don't you dare say it," she grumbles, "It's simply not possible. There's no way on earth that Kara and I would ever — " She doesn't finish the sentence. The anger and betrayal she felt from the past few months wash over her now, as distinct and sharp as ever before. She runs her fingers through Lizzy's blonde curls, sighing impatiently.

(Once, she thought she and Kara could be something _more_ but the idea of it now only fills her with an undeniable dread.)

( _Once._ )

"What happened between the two of you?" Sam asks, shooting her a quick glance as she maneuvers through traffic. "I've wanted to ask you for so long."

Lena doesn't want to talk about it. She hasn't talked about it for the past few months. Everything that she felt when Lex revealed to her the truth of Kara's betrayal hasn't faded — in fact, as she replays the memory of his revelation (" _Kara Danvers is Supergirl_ "), she still feels how the sting of the betrayal slapped her across the face. The bitter taste of the truth covered up by hundreds of lies overwhelms the back of her throat, hot and heavy. Thinking about it now only makes her feel worse about herself. Because at the end of the day, this is what she knows: despite Kara's unwavering love and support for her, some part of the woman did not trust Lena enough to divulge her of her secret.

That's what hurts the most.

"Friendships end," Lena murmurs, her hand on Lizzy's back, "That's all."

"She didn't tell you about Supergirl?" Sam asks, turning a sharp left around the corner. Lena nearly stumbles in her seat, grabbing hold of Lizzy, who starts bawling again.

Lena shoots Sam another deadly look. "Really?" she grumbles, "You _knew_?"

Sam shrugs. "She didn't tell me," she says wryly, "I just guessed it. The glasses and ponytail don't really do much, to be honest. I thought that you knew."

"That's the thing," Lena tersely replies as she places Lizzy on her chest, rubbing circles on her back to soothe her cries; the trick works and the baby slowly grows quiet, still whimpering every now and then, "I didn't. She lied to me for three years."

Sam nods understandingly. "I get why you would be upset."

"Upset is a small word," Lena says under her breath.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Sam amends. The supermarket finally comes into view and Lena mentally counts everything she needs to buy for Lizzy in the meantime. A crib. Baby formula. Maybe some new clothes. Definitely some diapers. Besides, if she ever forgets anything, Sam is by her side. Surely she can still remember the things that she bought for Ruby when she was only a baby.

They park the car with Lizzy in Lena’s arms and Sam heading off to grab a shopping cart. Since they’re pretty sure that the baby hasn’t eaten anything since being inside that pod, they breeze through the aisles, gathering everything they need. Lizzy is so entranced by the sheer size of the supermarket that she doesn’t utter a single mumble or syllable the whole ride, choosing instead to watch her two guardians bicker over the color for the crib and the number of pacifiers an infant needs. Once everything is paid for with Lena’s credit card ( _Sam rolls her eyes because did the Luthor seriously just buy fifty pacifiers?_ ) they all head back to Lena’s place.

“Are you going to be okay?” Sam asks Lena as they prepare the baby’s formula in the kitchen. Lizzy is now walking around with the help of a walker decorated with unicorns and sparkly hearts. Giving her the necessary freedom to roam around also entails for a bunch of oopsies along the way. She bumps straight into doors, chairs and the edges of tables while giggling contagiously. Thankfully, she hasn't hit her head yet so Lena doesn't have to think about baby-proofing the whole place.

"Of course," Lena states, testing the temperature of the formula on the back of her thumb, "As you said, it's just a baby."

"A _Kryptonian_ baby," Sam points out.

"If I am ever in trouble, you will be the first to know about it," the CEO promises, following Lizzy into the living room and disentangling her from the walker. She picks the baby up into her arms and sits down on the couch, shooting Sam a glance as the other woman hovers behind her.

"I still think you should call Kara."

"For the tenth time, I will not." Lena positions the bottle into Lizzy's mouth, smiling as the infant greedily drinks from it. She's clearly hungry and Lena feels a rush of pride at having met her needs. It's one thing to run a company, another to feed a baby successfully for the first time.

Sam's expression softens. "This might be her daughter, you know."

Something inside Lena's chest squeezes on itself. She stares into Lizzy's bright green eyes and doesn't understand what she truly wants out of this situation. There's just something about Lizzy — a pull that has Lena desperate to understand and fulfill that makes some part of her hesitant about her being Kara's child.

Her whole life, she has only been hurt by the Supers. What difference does this one make?

"I know," Lena murmurs, sighing to herself, "I'll think about it. You should head home. Ruby is probably looking for you."

Sam looks like she's sharing in her own form of misery as she presses a kiss to the top of Lena's head. She squeezes her shoulder and whispers, "I don't know what happened while I was away from National City but I _do_ know this: no matter how bad your relationship with Kara might be, there’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a good talk. Besides, Lizzy deserves a chance."

"Way to pull out the guilt trip card," Lena mutters, rocking the baby back and forth, "Thank you, Sam."

Her friend smiles at her one last time before she leaves through the front door. Once the silence settles in and Lena is left with a sated Lizzy, everything starts falling into place.

She is now responsible for a Kryptonian baby.

God, she should've called the DEO.

(She'd rather face Alex than Kara.)

As Lizzy continues to drink from the bottle, Lena stands up and moves around the living room. With the baby in her arms, she tries to think of a better alternative to the entire situation, one that doesn’t involve any of the Danvers sisters. There’s a message from Jess on her phone asking about the usual Monday schedule but Lena doesn’t want to think about L-Corp for once. There are more pressing matters that need to be taken care of — a baby is definitely on the top of that list. So she sends Jess a quick message to tell her to have the day off. God knows that they all need it.

Once Lizzy finishes her bottle, Lena puts her in the crib, tucking her in with the red blanket from the escape pod. It’s only three in the afternoon but exhaustion pulls at her bones. The baby yawns loudly, blinking at the Luthor who can’t help but reach down and try to smooth down the wild blonde curls.

“Good night, Lizzy,” she says quietly, cupping her cheek, “Sweet dreams.”

Lizzy drifts off into a blissful sleep and Lena lingers by the side of her crib, watching her carefully. Blonde hair, green eyes and the House of El symbol. Surely, there are dozens of people out there in the world who sounds exactly like Kara Danvers but it’s the other aspects that Lena can’t shake off. It’s the necklace that she’s sure she’s seen somewhere before, it’s the large _S_ symbol embroidered on the blanket, and it’s the fact that this baby literally dropped down from the skies. She can’t shake off these things as regular coincidences because as a Luthor, she has grown up believing that there is no such thing as any. It’s probably some villain working the strings behind the scenes.

The other shoe is going to drop soon and she’d rather not get emotionally attached.

(Even though she already feels like she has.)

Her bed entices her from where it’s sitting next to Lizzy’s crib but Lena pushes through the sudden drowsiness and heads off to her office, where a single computer and two shelves of books stand. The walls are painted white as to not distract her with any vibrant colors but Lena can’t help but feel like she’s in some sort of hospital, awaiting news of her demise. She disregards these intrusive thoughts and sits down, opening her emails and searching the news for anything escape pod related.

Nobody seems to have reported on the escape pod early this morning so Lena moves her focus elsewhere, replying to work emails and investment offers. Yet, her mind is still on Lizzy and where she would have possibly come from. If she really is Kryptonian, shouldn’t she be displaying some sort of brute strength? Or at least some laser beams from her eyes? She honestly doesn’t know and it bugs her endlessly. In Metropolis, L-Corp has all kinds of technology meant for tracing alien life to its original planet but that would mean she’d have to wait until tomorrow.

That means she has to deal with her thoughts _now._ She's already finished reading all of her work emails. The next thing she could do would be to rearrange the whole house again but that won't solve anything. In fact, it’s only going to make her think about Kara Danvers even more and she doesn’t want that. The last time she allowed herself to actually talk about Kara was to a therapist and that session wasn’t ideal for her image as a well-earned CEO, even though she had convinced Dr. Patrick that her name was Tess Thurol. She highly doubts the lie will keep up. Thank God for patient confidentiality.

Letting out a huge sigh, Lena heads over to the kitchen and opens a pantry meant for the finest scotch in the world. She pours herself a glass as she mulls over what to do next, Sam’s words echoing in the chambers of her mind: _Lizzy deserves a chance_.

Giving Lizzy her best chance would mean facing Kara Danvers. It's a matter of being selfless or a coward and Lena has always thought of herself as the latter one. Somebody who ran away from a friend that gave her everything in the world. Somebody who would rather drink away her sorrows than call that friend up. Somebody like her.

She thinks back to the message in the box: Kara's tear-stained voice and the explosions in the background. There is still a very probable chance that the planet Lizzy came from was destroyed. That fact would throw a huge problem into Sam's theory that the baby is Kara Danvers'. Because as far as Lena knows, Kara is still alive in National City. She would definitely know if she wasn't. It's something she'd expect to feel in the very core of her being.

Lena sips her scotch and pulls out her phone from her pocket, already thinking about her ex-best friend's number, despite having deleted it so long ago. It seems like there's only one solution to this mess since the entire situation is plagued with questions — questions that can easily be answered with Kara. If Lena is willing to let her back into her life.

Unwillingly, her thoughts move onto Lex. The smugness in his voice as he revealed the truth of Kara's deception rings in her ears. _At least I lived without ever being a fool._ Not only is she a coward, but she is also a fool. Lilian would be so proud.

She wonders if Lex is judging her choices right now. He probably is.

Several _pings_ interrupt her thoughts. She glances at her phone and sees that its Sam:

 **Samantha Arias (5:32 PM):** _This is your daily reminder to call Kara Danvers._

 **Samantha Arias (5:33 PM):** _Please do so immediately or I’ll call her myself._

 **Samantha Arias (5:33 PM):** _I’ll tell her that I found you lying in a ditch somewhere._

 **Samantha Arias (5:33 PM):** _Which is what will happen if you don’t call her soon._

 **Samantha Arias (5:35 PM):** _Please don’t fire me. I’m only looking out for you and Lizzy._

Lena snorts as she reads the message, sending a quick ‘ _Don’t worry, you still have your job_ ’ as an immediate reply. When Sam doesn’t respond, she puts away her phone to drink from her glass of scotch again. Despite the fact that she’d rather not speak to Kara Danvers for the rest of her life, she knows that she has to, especially if she wants Lizzy to have the best outcome after her being found in that escape pod. She just has to suck it up.

Putting away her scotch, she picks up her phone again and runs her thumb across the screen, thinking of what to say. In all honesty, what _should_ she say? She’s barely contacted Kara for the past five months. She didn’t even leave a goodbye when she decided to leave in the dead of night. Besides, Kara tried to find her for the first two months, showing up to L-Corp and calling Lena’s old number persistently. Lena knows this because the one who took over the National City division emailed this to her, retelling various conversations with a blonde bespectacled woman looking for Lena Luthor.

The CEO took careful measures in making sure that Kara couldn’t find her. Nobody, not even her own security detail, knows where she lives. She changed her personal number, email, and home address so that Kara wouldn’t just drop by out of nowhere. Despite doing all of this, some part of her thought that Kara would find her still. She _is_ Supergirl, after all. However, when Kara’s efforts in searching for her minimized by the third month that they didn’t speak to each other, Lena pretended not to feel a twinge of disappointment at this fact. That was around the time she started seeing her therapist.

She finds herself walking back to her bedroom, where Lizzy slept in her crib. Lingering by the doorway, she watches as the baby moves and turns in her sleep, apparently having some sort of dream. Even though she looks like she’s going to wake up any second, she doesn’t, which Lena is grateful for. She seriously needs some peace and quiet if she’s going to reach out to Kara soon.

What on earth should she say?

She writes several attempts in her first message to Kara after five months, most of which always sounded angry and blaming in her own ears. Lena is left with: _‘Kara, we need to talk. Something has happened_.’ It’s straight to the point but not necessarily upset. There’s also a sense of urgency in it. She presses SEND without thinking too much about it, trying to squash down the tightness in her chest that she might mistake for misplaced affection. She’s grown past that now.

When Lizzy wakes later in the evening, Lena is prepared. She feeds her with another bottle of baby formula, changes her clothes into fresh new ones they bought earlier and even manages to change her diaper with the help of Sam on speaker. Even though the baby is fussy and prone to crying a lot now that she’s grown comfortable around Lena’s presence, Lena doesn’t mind. Well, she’s far from being the greatest mother out there but she thinks she can manage.

Since she doesn’t have much time to cook for herself, she orders some Chinese take-out and spends the next half hour following Lizzy around in her walker, trying to make sure that the baby doesn’t hit her head on anything solid. She’s so enamored by Lizzy’s charm that she doesn’t think too much about the fact that Kara hasn’t replied to her message.

When the doorbell to her front door rings, Lena gathers Lizzy up in her arms and pulls out some cash from her purse. Lizzy is giggling wildly now as she puts her chubby hands on Lena’s face, the way she always does whenever she’s close enough to do so.

“Now, now,” Lena murmurs, smiling, “It’s time for _me_ to eat, you little cutie.”

When she swings the door open, however, it’s not the delivery guy she sees. Her breath catches in her throat as she takes in the sight of the person standing on the other side of the threshold, wearing her wide, easy smile and holding up a paper bag of what seems to be potstickers from Noonan’s.

“Kara,” Lena breathes out, the tension in her shoulders returning.

Something akin to _longing_ flickers through Kara’s sparkling blue eyes as she extends the paper bag towards Lena. “Hi,” she says, “I brought dinner with me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I had no idea that Lizzy was such a popular name for a Supercorp child lmao. Can anybody suggest a second name?


	3. just a lookalike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara rubs the back of her neck, looking miserable. "I was too. I — I wanted to talk to you so badly for the past few months — Rao, you have no idea how many times I just wanted to walk up to L-Corp, book an appointment and see you for myself."
> 
> Lena snorts. "I would've asked security to escort you out."
> 
> "That's why I didn't," Kara says sadly, her expression mirroring a kicked puppy's, "I… I wanted to give you time and space to cool off or think things through. There is nothing I regret more than not telling you that I'm Supergirl. I don't want to lose you, Lena —"
> 
> Lena lets out a bark of laughter, shaking her head in disdain. Lizzy shifts in her arms, letting out another yawn. "Your efforts have been in vain," she says scathingly, glaring at Kara who flinches, "because you already have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this real? A quick update??? YES. Your prayers have been answered. I'm really getting into the zone for this whole story that I've been researching nonstop for the next chapters. Also, somebody asked if I could give them my Supercorp is life playlist on Spotify. Unfortunately, I don't have Spotify. Lmao. I never felt the need to subscribe. Anyway, I have a few clarifications from the previous chapter. When I asked for a second name for Lizzy, I meant like her actual second name for this story. Like you know, Elizabeth Anne or something. You get what I mean. 
> 
> Enough talking.
> 
> Enjoy the third chapter!

_But when you look in (her) eyes_  
_Do you think of mine?_  
_And when you look at that smile_  
_Do I cross your mind?_  
_I know in your head_  
_You see me instead_  
_'Cause (she) looks a lot like I did back then_  
_Baby don't lie_  
  
_(She's) just a lookalike_

**— Conan Gray, Lookalike**

...

“Kara,” Lena says again, finally remembering how to use her mouth. She doesn’t step away from the threshold, choosing instead to lean against the door frame with Lizzy now twisting around in her arms to look at the newcomer.

Kara looks… _good._ Her blonde hair is tied in a low ponytail, tendrils of it curling over her shoulders like cascading waterfalls. Bright, sparkling blue eyes that always remind Lena of the sky on a warm summer day twinkle behind large square glasses. She’s wearing a blue pea coat over a peach turtleneck. The paper bag from Noonan’s is clutched tightly in her right hand while her left is awkwardly holding  her phone. Lena doesn’t see the way her fingers shake.

“It's so good to see you, Lena,” Kara greets, brandishing the paper bag, “Like I said: potstickers!" She regards the baby in Lena's arms with a confused smile, tilting her head to the side. "Are you babysitting?"

Lizzy suddenly starts crying, as if every moment that Kara doesn't give her the full undivided attention she needs is a step moment to a breakdown. Lena shushes her, rocking her back and forth, which proves to be a struggle, because the baby just bawls even harder, her short, chubby arms reaching out for Kara and her mouth spilling out nonsensical words.

Lena glances at the blonde, hoping to see a spark of recognition there. Instead, Kara just smiles, trying to calm Lizzy down, her face still slightly confused. "It's okay, little one," she coos, "Lena's not that bad of a babysitter, is she? She might bore you with talk of quantum physics but let's just keep that between you and me, okay? Wow, you're such a cutie. I didn't know Lena had cousins. Is this your cousin?" She directs the last question at Lena, quirking a curious eyebrow.

Lena's stomach drops. "No," she answers quietly, looking away, "I think she's your daughter."

The silence she receives is a tense one. Lizzy continues to whimper, still struggling against Lena's hold on her. When the Luthor finally looks back at her ex-best friend, she sees that Kara is staring at her with her mouth hanging open, having been rendered speechless. She looks so shell-shocked that it’s a wonder she didn’t drop her phone or the potstickers.

“You’re joking, right?”  Kara asks after a moment, laughing, “Oh, that’s a good one. Disappear for about five months and then show up later with a kid. Classic move.”

“There are pressing matters to discuss than what happened in National City,” Lena says smoothly, passing Lizzy onto the still flabbergasted Kara and taking the potstickers with her; the baby immediately goes quiet, snuggling close to the blonde. “I wasn’t expecting you so soon. Please don’t mind the mess.”

“Wait, _seriously_?” Even though Kara has just discovered the joys of motherhood, she looks like a natural, easily letting Lizzy sag against her chest as she follows the Luthor inside the house. “Lena, you just can’t drop a bomb on me like that.”

“The bomb’s name is Lizzy and she’s your daughter.”

“I don’t have a daughter!”

“Don’t let her hear you say that,” Lena firmly says, heading into the kitchen to prepare dinner. She might’ve had the shock of her life by having Kara show up at her door so soon but she won’t forgo her stomach’s desire to have some food in it. She prepares two plates and transfers the potstickers into a bowl. She notes with faint amusement how Kara ordered more than what she can eat in a single sitting. In that same moment, Kara meets with Lizzy for the first time.

While Lena pours some scotch into her glass, she watches as Kara takes a seat on the stool behind her, still staring at the baby in her arms. Lizzy giggles and makes weird noises, her hands reaching out and touching the blonde’s face. The way she always does with Lena. It’s a jarring sight for Lena to see — Kara Danvers in the middle of her kitchen with a baby who looks exactly like her in her arms. It’s definitely something she didn’t expect to witness after five months of no contact.

“I have so many questions right now,” Kara mutters, looking up at Lena, “Is she the reason you reached out to me after so long?”

No use lying about it. “Yes,” Lena answers, looking down at her feet.

“So, if she hadn’t shown up, you would’ve never spoken to me again?”

Lena locks her jaw. “Yes.”

“Oh.” Kara’s voice is filled with hurt. But when Lena looks back up, she sees Kara smiling brightly at Lizzy, nuzzling her close. Something inside the raven-haired woman’s chest shakes. “Thank you, Lizzy,” Kara says, laughing as she lifts the child into the air, “for being the reason I get to see Lena again.”

Lena pretends not to feel tears sting the back of her eyes. God, this turn of events is definitely counter-productive to all the hardwork she poured in her therapy sessions. She hastily wipes at the corners of her eyes and drinks from her scotch to level her rapidly beating heart. It’s been so long since she’s last been with Kara in the same room and it already feels like she’s going to shrivel with the sheer amount of joy and happiness she brings along with her. Her stupidly naive heart wants nothing more than to reach out to Kara, to tell her that despite everything that went down, she still misses her.

The doorbell rings. Lena hurries to open it, shoving a few hundred bills into the delivery boy’s hands and telling him to keep the change. After he leaves, she leans against the door with the Chinese take-out in her hands and lets out a sigh that seems to take everything out of her being. “Breathe,” she whispers to herself, “you’re okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Seeing Kara has made her think back to everything Lex told her before he died. _You’re left with no one and nothing_ . Because at the end of the day, if she doesn’t have Kara, then what is left? If Kara, her most dearest and treasured best friend, can’t even trust her, then who else can? Her whole life, she has always believed that she can grow outside of the Luthor name, that it shouldn’t have to hold immense power over her, but then — Supergirl happened. _Kara_ happened and it has shaken the very core of her being.

She tried everything to get Kara to trust her — betraying her mother, sacrificing everybody, including Jack, and even going as far as being the one to pull the trigger on Lex — that it didn’t even occur to her to think that it was Kara who couldn’t be trusted.

Footsteps leading to the hallway break off her self-deprecating thoughts. She sniffles, wiping off the incoming tears, as she tries to gather herself. When she looks up, she sees Kara lingering by the living room and looking like she might say something stupid at any given second now. Lena pushes herself out of her place by the door and breezes past the blonde.

“Lena, we need to talk —” Kara begins, sounding all choked up.

“I have nothing to say to you if it doesn’t involve that baby,” Lena cuts her off, putting the take-out on the dining table and taking a seat, “I just want to eat dinner without doing anything remotely emotional.”

“Okay.” Kara sighs, moving to sit across her and adjusting the baby on her lap. “Has Lizzy eaten yet?”

“Yes.”

“Has she taken a bath?”

“Yes.”

Kara grows quiet as Lena helps herself to the chow mein she ordered. It’s strange, being in the presence of Kara and only letting the silence take the lead. Before their fallout, they always managed to talk about anything and everything under the sun. It was in those moments that Lena found herself opening up, recalling stories of her and Lex, about her boarding school, and her constant need to prove that she wasn’t just a Luthor. Kara never said anything to make her feel like she was anything less than her last name, which was something Lena was always grateful for.

But now, Kara isn’t saying anything, which makes Lena grow incredibly uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Lizzy is busy playing with her necklace, even going as far as shoving it into her mouth. Lena patiently puts it away in her pocket.

She takes some of the potstickers for herself and leaves the rest for Kara to eat, having past experience with the blonde woman’s diet. After a moment for more silence in which Lena literally does everything except talk to her ex-best friend, Kara finally grabs some food for herself. The atmosphere is tense with all the unsaid things that Kara probably wants to say, things that Lena would rather not hear right now. Lizzy struggles against Kara’s hold on her but the blonde must’ve been using her Super strength to keep her snuggled tight.

Dinner ends as uncomfortably as it began. After finishing her glass of scotch, Lena waves away Kara’s attempts in helping her clean up and puts away the dishes herself. Meanwhile, looking apparently dejected, Kara carries Lizzy to the living room. As Lena washes the plates, she thinks about all the things she’s wanted to say to Kara ever since finding out that she’s Supergirl. Now that she’s actually been given a chance to say it, she isn’t sure how to. Don’t get her wrong — some part of her will always hate everything that happened five months ago but the sight of Kara Danvers with her stupidly charming smile and paper bag of Noonan’s best potstickers is enough to drain a person’s anger. Talk about being a ball of sunshine.

“So,” Kara begins after Lena finishes washing the dishes to enter the living room; Lizzy is on Kara’s lap, playing with her blonde curls and giggling contagiously, “Can you tell me how this whole thing happened?”

“An escape pod crash-landed in my backyard,” Lena explains, gesturing to Lizzy, “She was inside.”

Kara shares a look with Lizzy. The resemblance is uncanny; they even have the same pouty lips.

“Okay,” the other woman says, nodding at Lena, “but that doesn’t necessarily single me out as her mother. The only thing this little cutie and I have in common, besides being adorable, of course, is the blonde hair. Lots of people have blonde hair. Also, I would remember if I gave birth to a baby, Lena. I’m not _that_ stupid.”

Lena bites back a comment. _Says the girl who thought wearing glasses and a ponytail was a good disguise,_ she thinks to herself. Then she remembers that she didn’t realize there was any relation between Kara and Supergirl and suddenly feels like the stupid one.

“You didn’t let me finish,” Lena points out, sighing exasperatedly, “She had a red blanket wrapped around her. It had your family crest on it.”

Kara’s eyes widen. “Well,” she admits, “It is a fairly famous crest. It means ‘hope’ in Kryptonese.”

“That’s not all.” Lena takes a deep breath and stands up to retrieve the black box from where she hid it in her office. When she returns, Kara has placed Lizzy on the floor and is watching her play with her toys, a grim look on her face. She’s probably thinking about their supposed relation. “Here,” Lena says, handing her the box, “You should listen to this.”

Kara looks over at her. “Judging from the look of your face, I don’t think I’m going to like what I’m going to hear,” she mumbles, taking the box into her hands. She seems to be more familiar with this type of technology so she simply finds the switch and lets the words fill the silence in the living room. Lena takes a seat across her and watches the different emotions on Kara’s face shifts as she listens to the voice message — from curiosity to horror and then sadness. Something heavy presses on Lena’s chest at the sight.

“Oh _Rao_ ,” Kara mutters, covering her mouth with her hand as she stares at Lizzy with tears in her eyes; Lizzy looks up from place on the carpet, grinning broadly and shaking the stuffed tiger Lena bought for her at the supermarket. “Did  that — ? Oh, Lizzy.” The blonde looks so distraught that Lena is almost tempted to reach out for her and comfort her.

“When Sam and I heard it,” Lena says softly, “we thought that it sounded exactly like you, which is why I called you here. The fact that Lizzy has your blonde hair, your family crest and then that message with your voice in it — it seemed logical to think that you would be her mother.”

Kara rubs her eyes, wiping away the tears. “It’s impossible,” she grumbles, shaking her head, “I’ve barely had any sex after Mon-El.”

“That is… something I didn’t need to hear, I’m certain.” Lena clears her throat. “Perhaps this is sort of like the Red Daughter situation? You had no idea you had a clone walking around.”

“Maybe.” Kara doesn’t sound too convinced. “I haven’t had much alien encounter the past few months or with any Harun-El, for that matter."

“Stranger things have happened, Supergirl.”

At this, Kara’s shoulders tighten. “Oh,” she says, looking away, “I suppose so.” She grows quiet once again, staring at Lizzy with more questions swirling in her blue eyes. Lena clears her throat once more and stands up, picking the baby up into her arms. Lizzy yawns, sucking on her thumb and leaning against her cheek.

“I didn’t think you’d get here so fast,” she confesses, trying to look anywhere except the deep, utter sadness in Kara’s eyes, “I already bought all the necessities since I thought she’d stay here for at least a week. If you want, you can bring them with you to National City. I’ll pack her things — ”

“When I got your text, I flew here as soon as I could,” Kara interrupts, looking up at her. She looks so sad and helpless that Lena just wants to turn away and escape to the confines of her room. But that would mean being a coward again and she didn’t endure years of torture as a Luthor to be branded as one.

“Oh, so you didn’t use the bus this time?” she remarks savagely.  

“ _Lena_.” Kara runs her fingers through her blonde curls and stands up, looking both desperate and frustrated. “I’m trying to tell you something here.”

“Then, by all means, do so.” Lena can feel the flames of anger licking at her insides, growing larger with each second that goes on in Kara’s presence. She remembers all the things she’s wanted to say after discovering her Superhero counterpart and finds that all of her anger and resentment are slowly returning, bringing with them the desire to hurt Kara the same way she did to her.

“I already knew that you were in Metropolis,” Kara tells her and Lena sighs in resignation, already having a feeling that she did. She _is_ Supergirl, after all. She rubs the space between Lizzy's shoulder blades as she looks to her ex-best friend.

"How did you know?"

Kara hesitates. "Sam told me."

"Of course she did."

"She was worried." Kara rubs the back of her neck, looking miserable. "I was too. I — I wanted to talk to you so _badly_ for the past few months — _Rao_ , you have no idea how many times I just wanted to walk up to L-Corp, book an appointment and see you for myself."

Lena snorts. "I would've asked security to escort you out."

"That's why I didn't," Kara says sadly, her expression mirroring a kicked puppy's, "I… I wanted to give you time and space to cool off or think things through. There is nothing I regret more than not telling you that I'm Supergirl. I don't want to lose you, Lena— "

Lena lets out a bark of laughter, shaking her head in disdain. Lizzy shifts in her arms, letting out another yawn. "Your efforts have been in vain," she says scathingly, glaring at Kara who flinches, "because you already have."

She should've felt _something_ at the sight of the pain flashing through Kara's blue eyes. Like a sharp jolt of satisfaction or a tinge of justice. Instead, as she sees Kara's face falling and tears spilling out of her eyes, she only feels hollow and empty. Like a victory you only won through cheating. A sense of fulfillment should've filled her bones, not this utter void inside her chest.

"I don't believe that," Kara murmurs, stubbornly wiping away her tears, "If you didn't think that this is something we could fix then you wouldn't have reached out to me— "

"I reached out to you because I _needed_ you for Lizzy," Lena snaps, still trying to keep her voice low as to not disturb the sleepy child, "not because I wanted to fix this friendship that _you_ broke or because I wanted to see the person who hurt me the most. That is the last thing I could ever want out of this stupid situation."

"I'm sorry," Kara cries, taking off her glasses and rubbing the tears away with her sleeve. Her next words are halted with hiccups. Lena stares at her, her schema shifting as she takes in Kara Danvers without glasses — she sees Supergirl now, crying as she tries to apologize, "I'm sorry that you had to find out through Lex. I'm sorry that I lied to you for years. I'm sorry that I let you think that I didn't trust you because I _did_ — I still do. I never meant to hurt you — "

"But you did."

"I'm so sorry, Lena."

Something in Lena's chest caves in at the raw pain she hears in Kara's voice. Closing her eyes, she tries to steel herself. "Please go," she whispers. In her arms, Lizzy twists around to look at her, apparently curious at the shift in her voice.

"Lena," Kara says again, sounding absolutely heartbroken, "I didn't come all this way for you to tell me that there's nothing I can do to fix this. _Please_ — don't ask me to leave."

Lena opens her eyes, sighing. "Please go," she repeats, injecting more venom in her voice, "I can't — I can't talk to you right now. Take Lizzy with you." She glances at the child who grins at her.

Kara's shoulders slump. "No," she says wearily, "I won't. There has to be a reason why she dropped in your backyard of all places."

"Haven't you heard of coincidences, Supergirl?"

Kara gives her a look, her eyes red around the corners. "I don't believe in them," she says. She moves to pick up the small black box from the coffee table, running her fingers all over it. "Let me drop this off at the DEO first. Maybe we can find something about Lizzy."

Lena puts Lizzy down on the couch, handing her the stuffed tiger they bought earlier from the store. Lizzy giggles, shoving its snout into her mouth and leaving drool all over it. Some part of Lena's heart softens.

"I'll let her stay here for the night," Lena mumbles, already wanting to get this over with, "or until we figure things out. I'm not in the position to move back to National City."

"You should go to the DEO with me tomorrow," Kara suggests meekly, "They have a base here."

The idea of seeing Alex when she's already had a bad reunion with Kara doesn't sit well with Lena. She sighs, shaking her head. "I have my own technology," she says, "I'll figure out where she comes from. The little runt has grown on me."

"It must be a Danvers thing."

Lena doesn't respond. She crosses her arms and looks back at Kara. "You should go," she says for the third time, raising an eyebrow and expecting the blonde to refute; she doesn't, "You can come see your daughter in the morning because I'm not letting you sleep in the guest room."

Kara nods slowly, putting her glasses back on. Before she heads off to the front door, she stops by to plant a kiss on Lizzy's head and to shake her tiny hand. "It was nice to meet you, Lizzy," the blonde says, smiling through teary eyes, "Don't worry, we'll find your real parents."

The baby smiles back, reaching out to touch Kara's nose. Lena looks away.

"There is a possibility that we won't," she tells Kara a minute later as she leads her out of the house after putting Lizzy back in her crib, “You should know that.”

The blonde doesn't respond.

"Some part of me thinks that her home planet is… _gone._ " She doesn't want to say it but there's an amount of truth in what she's admitting. Kara glances at her sharply, sadness written all over her features. "You and I have to accept what might happen next," Lena states with a firm tone, "I hope you're ready."

Kara holds her stare for a long time, as if memorizing her face and committing it to memory. “I know,” she says with a soft voice and gives the Luthor a sad little smile, “It’s good to see you, Lena.”

Lena’s breath catches in her throat at those words. She doesn’t say them back even though she shares the same sentiment. Seeing Kara again after all these months has made her feel all sorts of emotions, ones she can barely understand. Some part of her is happy, another part is upset. So instead of telling the blonde that she missed her all this time, she watches with conflicting emotions rising in her chest as Kara shoots into the sky, disappearing among the stars, where she rightfully belongs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I changed the pronouns to Conan Gray's song. 
> 
> So I added a disclaimer in the first chapter that I only watched the Pilot for the show. So I was hoping to have some of my questions answered by you guys. One: Does Lena know that Brainy and Nia are aliens? Two: Is Kelly a good match for Alex? I was really hoping to pair her up with Sam but I didn't want to disrespect Kelly lmao. And three: Was the confrontation between Kara and Lena okay?


	4. you are the only one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kara moves to fix Lizzy's clothes with her right hand, she catches sight of the necklace's outline from under her shirt. Lena moves to grab the bag containing the baby's bottles and is about to lead their way out of the office when she sees that Kara has grown quiet and is now inspecting the blue stone within the clasp of the necklace. There's a deep intuitive furrow between her eyebrows and a frown pulls at the corner of her lips.
> 
> Lena takes a step closer, careful not to be too close. "That's how I knew her name was Lizzy," she shares.
> 
> Kara looks up. "Elizabeth," she murmurs, "That's what the box said. Her name is Elizabeth, Lizzy for short."
> 
> "Yes." Lena glances back at the necklace, sharing in her frown. "I think I've seen this before."  
> "It's mine," Kara admits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yall. I'm sorry for the short delay in this chapter. I had job applications to go to. Your girl's adulting lmao. This is a short filler chapter. We'll get to good ones soon. Be patient, young grasshoppers.

 

 _All my senses come to life_  
_While I'm stumbling home as drunk as I_  
_Have ever been and I'll never leave again_  
_'Cause you are the only one_  
_And all my friends have gone to find_  
_Another place to let their hearts collide_  
_Just promise me, you'll never leave again_  
  
_'Cause you are the only one_

**_—_ Ed Sheeran, One**

**...**  

“Oh wow,” Sam says when she sees Lena in the break room, “You look like shit.”

Lena grimaces into her coffee, running a hand down her blouse and letting out an exasperated sigh. It’s only eight in the morning but she already feels like she could fire somebody for just glancing into her direction. Besides, Sam’s sentiments are right — she _does_ look like shit. She didn’t brush her hair, her clothes are crumpled and she’s pretty sure that the stain from Lizzy’s formula on her slacks is visible. She definitely had one hell of a morning.

“Lizzy,” is what Lena offers as an answer to her friend.

“Oh.” Sam makes a face as she brews her own cup of coffee. “Rough night?”

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Lena leans against the wall and thinks about the events that transpired after Kara left. Foolishly thinking that Lizzy would sleep through the night, Lena tucked her in and went back to working on some of her paperwork. Since she finished a little after two in the morning, she expected some peaceful and dreamless sleep to overtake her immediately afterwards. Lizzy proved her wrong on numerous occasions, suddenly waking up and crying for Lena to pick her up. Just as the woman was about to get some shut eye.

"How did you manage Ruby when she was still a baby?" Lena mutters, "Lizzy just kept crying at random times. I tried _everything_ — I fed her, changed her diaper _twice_ and even played her a little song on Youtube! She just wouldn't stop crying. I only slept for two hours total."

"Let me tell you a secret, my young grasshopper," Sam drops her voice to a whisper, quirking an eyebrow as Lena leans close, "There is _no_ secret to parenthood. Baby wakes you up in the middle of your two-hour sleep? Deal with it."

Leaning back, Lena takes another sip of her coffee as she glares at nothing in particular. A fellow employee sees her stare and scurries away, apologizing profusely to her for any possible offense, even though he hadn't done anything. Sam chuckles, bumping her shoulder against hers. Lena doesn't respond, already thinking about the amount of work she had to do for the day ahead with the minimal amount of sleep she got. She _needs_ to figure out where Lizzy came from.

"Speaking of," Sam says, drawing her attention back and finishing her own cup, "where is the little Kryptonian?"

"I left her with Jess for a minute," Lena answers and starts heading back to her office with Sam in tow. She knows she told Jess to have the day off today but due to her lack of sleep, she called her up earlier in the morning to come to work for an important task — babysitting. "I don’t trust anybody else to watch over her. But I needed my caffeine fix since I was busy trying to shove her in a clean pair of clothes earlier."

"Ah." Sam smiles fondly. "The joys of having a baby. I wouldn't say that I miss the smelly diapers and constant crying but I kind of do."

Lena shakes her head, returning the smile. "I can't imagine going through what you went through. Must've been tough."

"As a single parent, yes. But you get used to it. Besides, I get all the credit for raising Ruby on my own."

"You, Samantha Arias, are a superhero." At this effusive comment, the CFO grins brightly at her. While they round the corner to the CEO's office, Lena can faintly make out Lizzy crying through the thin walls, no doubt looking for her again. She wonders why the baby grew a sudden attachment to her after only a day but decides to file under weird things babies do, right next to eating stuffed tigers and crying for no reason at three in the morning.

They pass by Jess' table outside her office and Sam grabs some papers off her desk. "I just dropped this off ten minutes ago," the brunette says, "Jess might not have seen it. I need your signatures to launch the financial report on the newest prototype."

"Come on in then," Lena says, tilting her head to the closed door, where Lizzy's cries grow louder, "I'll read your report first. I've got a long day ahead of me."

She pushes the door open, accepting the file Sam gives her and quickly perusing through the pages. From the corner of her eye, she sees Jess standing by the coffee table but her attention is focused on Sam's report. She skips through several paragraphs of completely relevant information that she doesn't have time to read when she realizes that Lizzy is no longer crying. Which is a first. When she left earlier to brew her extra strong coffee, Jess looked ready to resign as the baby began to cry.

Lena looks up, glancing at Sam first whose wearing a massive smile on her face, before she lets her eyes move to Jess, looking apologetic as she stands next to the white couch where — _oh._

Where Kara sits, Lizzy on her lap, the two blondes grinning sheepishly at her.

"Your day just got longer," Sam says to Lena.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Luthor," Jess quickly says, shooting Kara a severe look, "I was about to ask Ms. Danvers to leave but the child wouldn't stop crying until she picked her up."

Lena glances at Kara for half a second — she’s wearing a pink dress shirt with black slacks, her blonde hair loose all over her shoulders — before looking back at her secretary. “It’s okay, Jess,” she says firmly, “Ms. Danvers has the uncanny ability to worm her way into situations.”

“Sorry,” Kara grumbles, bouncing the baby on her knee, “You told me I could come see you guys in the morning but when I dropped by your house, you were already gone.”

“Oh.” Sam shoots Lena a look, grinning wickedly, “So Lena called you last night, huh? Guess nobody’s showing up in a ditch.”

Both Kara and Jess glance curiously at her. Lena waves her away, dropping the file onto her table and crossing her arms across her chest to assess both Kara and Lizzy. “Thank you for watching over Lizzy, Jess,” she tells her secretary, “I’ll escort Ms. Danvers out myself.”

“Well, that’s just rude, boss,” Sam remarks, heading over to Kara and pulling her into a hug, “It’s good to see you, Danvers.” The blonde keeps her hold on Lizzy.

“You too, Arias.” Kara’s blue eyes move to Lena over Sam’s shoulder.

Jess excuses herself to leave but not before she pinches Lizzy’s cheek one last time. Then it’s just the four of them with Kara, Sam and Lizzy on one side of the room and Lena in the other. She lingers by her table, avoiding looking at all of them and arranging some papers she’s already arranged. The silence is thick with tension. Lena can feel her anxiety building up in her stomach. She knew that she’d see Kara again so soon after their argument last night but the very sight of her now only makes her feel worse.

“I have a very busy day ahead of me, Ms. Danvers,” she states, trying to keep her voice level, “Not all of us can just leave our jobs behind in the pursuit of forgiveness.”

“Don’t mind her,” Sam chirps, “She’s just cranky because Lizzy here wouldn’t sleep last night.”

The said baby spits out some words, looking very happy in Kara’s arms. “Sorry,” Kara says again, frowning at her, “If I had known that, I would’ve taken her with me.”

“Please don’t subject a newborn to sudden Supergirl flights,” Lena grumbles, “You might do more harm than good, which is fitting.”

Silence again. When Lena glances over her shoulder, she sees Kara and Sam sharing a look.

“Sorry,” she amends, “It’s been a rough start to my morning.”

“It’s okay,” Kara says genuinely, running her fingers through Lizzy’s blonde curls and smiling as the baby giggles with her touch, “I get it.”

“I should go,” Sam tells the two of them, sensing the tension, “Lena, I’ll get my report later.”

Lena is torn between wanting Sam to leave and wanting her to stay to help her with the situation. She chooses not to say anything, crossing her arms and avoiding Kara’s insistent stare. Her office in Metropolis is similar to the one in National City so it feels a whole lot like deja vu. If she focuses enough, she can almost imagine that Kara is here for their usual brunch together and not for Lizzy.

“I haven’t run some tests on Lizzy yet,” she informs Kara when Sam shuts the door behind her, gesturing to the child.

“I’m not here to take her away,” Kara says, taking a step closer, “I’m here to give her the best chance she can possibly get out of this situation and I can’t do that without you, Lena.”

Lena raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I thought about it.” Kara moves closer again but with hesitance following her every step. Lena finds herself backing up until she hits the edge of her table; Kara halts. “I thought about all the possible options there are in the entire freaking universe and let me tell you, there are a _lot_ — but most of them are stupid —"

“Give me your top three then.”

Kara looks so surprised Lena didn’t flat out reject her theories that she scrambles to make up for her blunder. “ _Oh_. Right, right. Well, you know my friend Barry Allen? The one I told you about a few years back? He does a lot of multi-dimensional hopping and time-travelling. Last I heard, he even got to meet his future daughter. So, you see, there are a whole bunch of parallel universes out there —”

“The multiverse.”

“ _Yes_ , exactly!” Kara smiles brightly at her, only to look away hastily. “The multiverse. There are universes out there that have some slight differences in ours. For example, Kal once told me he travelled to a universe where he was evil. Which was kind of jarring and weird for him. Anyway, like I was thinking about it last night and that’s my first theory: Lizzy could be part of some universe in which she’s my daughter, which isn’t solid yet — and maybe her pod got sidetracked or somebody sent her here with us!”

Lena thinks about it. “That’s actually a good theory,” she surmises, looking at Lizzy, “What’s the other two?”

“Well, the second one is actually a bit boring. Lizzy could turn out to be some baby from outer space whose planet got… destroyed.” A wave of sadness washes over Kara; Lena thinks that she must be thinking about Krypton. “Besides, her parents could have totally ended up being huge fans of Superman, which is why they got the crest. And maybe, just maybe, Lizzy’s mother sounds just like me. Right?”

Lena mulls that one over, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. “Also possible,” she concedes. “The last one?”

Kara hesitates again, pinching Lizzy’s nose. The baby tries to bite her thumb. “The third theory is… time travel.”

“Time travel?”

“Yeah… If Lizzy is my daughter and I’m sure that I’ve never given birth to her at all, then it must mean she could be from the future. She could really be my daughter in that sense.” Kara looks so confused as she says these words, apparently at a loss at how she really feels if that theory turns out to be true. She glances at Lena. “So, like in the future, I get married to a woman and have Lizzy. The thing is, I’m not sure if she’s half human or half something else...”

“Minor details, then.” Lena looks at Lizzy who smiles brightly at her. The sight of it jars her — Lizzy bears such a close resemblance to Kara it’s honestly devastating. "They seem like good theories."

The blonde raises Lizzy up into the air, blowing raspberries into her stomach. The baby giggles nonstop, her chubby arms flailing around. Lena takes this time to resume her seat behind her desk, stifling a yawn with her hand as she begins to boot up her computer.

“You don’t look so good, Lena,” Kara tells her quietly, taking a seat on the vacant chair next to the CEO’s desk. She puts Lizzy on her lap and holds her around the waist to stop her from falling as she reaches for all the stuff on the surface of the table. “Maybe you should take a break?”

Lena waves away her concern. “I’m fine,” she mutters, sighing, “Just… a rough night, that’s all.”

“Well, you did just take care of this little runt,” Kara says, amused. Lizzy nearly drops a stapler onto the floor but the blonde grabs it with impeccable speed. “You get points for that.”

“But not sleep?”

“Well, if you agree to take a nap right now, that can be arranged.”

“I’m not a baby.” Kara rubs the back of her neck. “Besides, I still have to track down Lizzy’s home planet.”

At this, Kara leans close. “How are you going to do that?”

“Well, I have a lab downstairs,” Lena says casually, as if everybody has one, “filled with the latest technology on Earth that can detect alien life. Maybe I can tweak it a bit. Instead of alien life, we can search for alien origins. However, it _will_ take a couple of hours.”

The last statement makes Kara share a grin with Lizzy. “I can be here all day,” she replies.

“That’s… _expected_ ,” Lena can’t keep the grumble out of her voice. She doesn’t know what to feel about Kara staying for the entire day. At least she’ll be able to keep an eye out on Lizzy, though, while Lena prepares her tests. “Just wait there while I sign some papers. Her bottles are in that bag over there.”

The same tension and atmosphere from the previous night returns. Lena makes sure to keep her head down, not wanting to see Kara in such close proximity after so long. She can feel her stare however, like heavy hands resting on her shoulders. Lizzy's bubbly voice rings through the office, spewing out nonsensical words and happy noises as Kara baby talks her. She has to give credit to the blonde — she's good at baby talking.

She finds herself glancing up every now and then, urged by a sense of curiosity everytime Kara says something to the child such as 'where did your nose go?' or when Lizzy laughs for a long period of time, sounding close to hyperventilating. She likes to think that some part of her bruised and battered heart melts at the sight of Kara and her lookalike baby, playing on the couch like its some sort of fort. But she doesn't want to think too much into it, Kara's smile bright and genuine while Lizzy claps her hands together in joy. Besides, the blonde seems to have dived into this whole situation with apparent ease. Well, Kara Danvers would be the fun-mom. She'd probably be the kind of mom who gave ice cream for breakfast.

With Sam's report all done and signed, Lena puts down her pen and moves to stand. Kara looks up, Lizzy on her knees as they try to do some improvised trust fall, when the Luthor approaches the pair.

"I'm all done," she says, realizing that she sounds stupid as she says this. She shakes her head. "Do you mind looking out for Lizzy while we test her?"

"Sure!" Kara is more than happy to obliged. She bites back her own yawn as she stands to gather her things while simultaneously holding Lizzy in one hand. She manages to do this with apparent ease. "I could even be your assistant, if you want," she says, blinking at her.

Lena tilts her head to the side, frowning slightly. "Did _you_ get enough sleep?" she asks.

"What? Of course I did! I slept at Kal's place last night.”

"And where is your cousin?"

Kara shrugs. "Still in Argo City. Lois just had their baby, you know." Lena _doesn't_ know, since they've barely spoken the last month. Kara's tone isn't accusatory, however, just informative. Like she expects Lena to take note of all these events in her life, which the Luthor unfortunately does so in her head, filing away the fact that Superman has been away from Metropolis City for a long time now apparently. No wonder she hasn't seen him around. She half expected a welcoming party.

"Oh. Well, I guess you and him have that thing in common now," Lena says, gesturing to Lizzy.

At this reminder, Kara grins brightly. "Oh yeah!" she chirps, leaning away from the baby's grabby hands reaching for her glasses. "I can't wait for Jon to meet Lizzy."

"Jon, huh?"

"Yup. Short for Jonathan. Cute name, right?" When Kara moves to fix Lizzy's clothes with her right hand, she catches sight of the necklace's outline from under her shirt. Lena moves to grab the bag containing the baby's bottles and is about to lead their way out of the office when she sees that Kara has grown quiet and is now inspecting the blue stone within the clasp of the necklace. There's a deep intuitive furrow between her eyebrows and a frown pulls at the corner of her lips.

Lena takes a step closer, careful not to be _too_ close. "That's how I knew her name was Lizzy," she shares.

Kara looks up. "Elizabeth," she murmurs, "That's what the box said. Her name is Elizabeth, Lizzy for short."

"Yes." Lena glances back at the necklace, sharing in her frown. "I think I've seen this before."

"It's mine," Kara admits.

This surprises Lena. Another connection. The possibility of Kara being Lizzy's mother grows with each day that passes. "I don't think I've seen you wear it," she quips, trying to think back, "I would've remembered it."

"My mother gave it to me.” The blonde’s fingers are shaking.

“Eliza?” It clicks. Lizzy is named after Kara’s foster mother.

But the woman shakes her head. “My real mother. I wore it a long time ago," Kara tells her, now looking at Lizzy with an unsettled expression all over her features, "and then I gave it to Mon-El when he left Earth the first time. He must've somehow returned it."

Lena coaxes Lizzy out of Kara's arms since the blonde looks like her entire world has been ruined and then built back up again, which is a fitting description. The necklace seems to be the most convincing piece of evidence they have in proving Lizzy to be Kara's daughter. Lena doesn't know how to feel about this. Some part of her thinks that Lizzy crashing into her backyard is punishment, brought about by another Kryptonian being. Another part of her thinks that this might be a long time coming; fate has brought Kara and Lena together again through a child — perhaps she was never meant to turn away from her.

Lizzy smiles and touches Lena's nose, giggling. A burst of affection shoots through her heart — the Danvers seem to have that effect on her.

"Come on," Lena tells Kara, wanting to reach out and touch her hand but ultimately deciding not to, "We can find out more at the lab."

Kara still looks troubled. "Right," she says, smiling at the raven-haired woman even though it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

Lena has known Kara for a long time now. The woman wears her heart on her sleeve and every shift of emotion can easily be seen in her face. Lena thinks back to a previous comment she made about her ex-best friend (' _I know that you believe that everything is good and kind and that's one of the things I love about you'_ ) and wonders if there is some part of Kara that hates being read so easily. Surely, it's got to be a hindrance when fighting bad guys and villains. Especially with all the superpowers that can be found in the world.

In this moment, Kara seems _lost_. Lena has to wonder if some part of her held onto the idea that Lizzy couldn't possibly be hers because she didn't want to think about the implications if she really was her daughter and how much it would change everything. But now that she's seen the necklace, perhaps any lingering doubt has been answered.

In this moment, Kara is finally accepting that Lizzy might be her daughter.

"Hey," Lena says when Kara doesn't move from where's standing, still engrossed in her own thoughts, "We'll get to the bottom of this.”

“Yeah.” Kara takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just — I’ve wanted — _that’s my mother’s necklace_.” She takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes. The sight of Kara without it always sends a slight jolt to Lena’s bones.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain,” the raven-haired woman says shakily, turning away to leave but then Kara grabs her by the hand, her grip tight, and something in Lena just _shatters_ . Her heart rate picks up. _Too long_ , she thinks to herself, closing her eyes shut and trying to gather herself, _it’s been too long_. Kara’s hand is soft and warm, as it always has been. Even until now, despite Lena turning away from her. Lizzy touches her ear and she, too, is soft and warm.

“Wait, Lena,” the blonde whispers, “I — _please_ — I need to…” She sighs, sounding frustrated with herself. Lena glances at her over her shoulder, quirking an eyebrow.

“What is it?” she asks, wanting to pull away but at the same time, not doing so. Lizzy starts to whimper then, the sight of her mom looking sad apparently doing its own effect. By instinct, Lena rubs her back soothingly.

“I don’t think…” Kara glances at her daughter and bites her lower lip, still holding her. She seems intent on not letting go. “I don’t think I’m going to be good at this whole parent thing. You seem to know more about her than I do.”

Lena lets out a soft laugh and even though Kara has hurt her so badly before, her bruised and battered heart is still fond of her. It must say a lot on what type of person she is. “Let me tell you a secret to parenthood,” she tells her, allowing herself to smile at the blonde; Kara’s eyes brighten at this and a hopeful smile pulls at her lips, “There is no secret.”

Kara shares in her laughter, shaking her head and letting go of her hand. “Right, okay,” she murmurs, rubbing the back of her neck, “Guess you’re right.”

“Oh and Kara?” Lena turns away, not wanting the blonde to see her face. Her heart quickens, not with pain at what she’s going to say next but with fear of how true it rings. Despite everything that happened between them both, despite Kara betraying her and not trusting her  _enough_ , the fact that she still drops everything for the blonde is a treacherous, damning thing. Kara, in more ways than one, has completely ruined her life. “I’ll help you and Lizzy,” she says, sure and firm, “I’m not going to leave again.”

In her arms, Lizzy turns to her, looking like she understands the enormity of her words. She smiles and Lena’s heart hurts — all of the Danvers seem to have that effect on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it okay?????? Please leave your comments down below. I always enjoy reading them!


	5. leave it unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Until Lex told you in his own evil, twisted way," Kara corrects, frowning, "What did he tell you, by the way?" 
> 
> Lena shakes her head, repressing the memory. The image of Lex, with the bullet hole in his chest and his bloodstained hand, sneering at her even at Death's door. She thinks it's fitting — he died tormenting her with his last breath. Evil and twisted indeed. The joke’s on you. It’s always been on you. What a fucking clown. 
> 
> "Nothing that you need to know," she murmurs, "It doesn't matter." 
> 
> "Of course it matters, Lena," Kara presses, shushing when Lizzy suddenly starts to cry. Lena watches as the blonde stands up to rock the child against her chest. "It matters because he might've said something completely untrue to get you to turn against me," she later finishes. 
> 
> Lena presses a few keys on the monitor to avoid looking back at Kara. She thinks back to what Lex said. "He didn't have to," she quietly says, "I would've been angry and upset either way. I still am, in case you've forgotten."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii. Sorry for the late upload. I had a difficult time writing this chapter because I wanted some part of the reveal to be amazing, you know? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and if there is anything that sort of contradicts what the comics say about superpowers and multiverse, please don't mind them. I took artistic license. Lmao. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken now_  
_So just let me go_  
_I won't change my mind_  
_I'd rather be lonely_  
_Than be by your side_  
_And nothing you say_  
_Could save us this time_  
  
_I'd rather be lonely_

**_—_ Hurts, Unspoken**

_..._

_Idiot, idiot, idiot_ , Lena scolds herself as she types furiously on her computer, her eyes trailing back and forth to Kara and Lizzy, who sat in the middle of her laboratory, playing with the stuffed tiger that Lena bought. She berates herself for being so foolishly soft towards the Danvers — _both of them —_ when she knows that nothing good will come out of it, when she knows that she’s either going to get hurt or killed. Some part of her thinks that she might have masochistic tendencies because despite every part of her being screaming at her not to get involved with Kara, her stupidly soft and foolish heart thinks otherwise. 

So she tries to approach it logically. Whether she likes it or not, Lizzy landed in her backyard. Surely, the person who sent her could’ve easily redirected the pod to land in Kara’s apartment instead or even the DEO. But no, it had been her. For some strange sleight of fate, Lizzy ended in Lena’s arms. And even if she doesn’t want to help Kara, she at least wants to help the child. And helping her would mean helping the mother. That’s the only reason she’s helping, not because something in her snapped when Kara looked so distressed, not because of some stupid leftover misplaced affection from months ago. Only because of Lizzy. Nothing else. 

(Certainly not because of the blonde blue-eyed making tiger noises in front of her.)

She replays their fight last night in her head, cursing this sudden push-and-pull scenario that they've found themselves in. She was upset at the sudden appearance of Kara last night and chalks up her apparent willingness to help her now as a side effect of not having the right hours of sleep. Not having a good night's sleep can severely affect your ability to judge a situation right. Lena tells herself this over and over again as she continues to re-configure her computer software. She's helping because she's sleep-deprived and because Lizzy needs her. Not because of Kara, it will _never_ be because of Kara. 

(She's done doing things for her — like handing out information, buying companies and killing older brothers.) 

(Enough is enough.) 

“Oh, wow, look at you!” Kara says, her voice bright and chirpy. Lena closes her eyes and briefly thinks of summer bleeding into winter before she raises her head to see what the commotion is all about: Lizzy is on all fours, crawling towards Lena’s desk. She does this slowly and surely, often stopping every few seconds to catch her breath or to inspect some dirt on the floor. 

Lena throws Kara a look. “She might catch germs,” she plainly says. 

“Oh, please, I used to play with dirt all the time when I was a kid,” Kara rebutts. 

“Not all of us are biologically powered by the yellow sun.” 

“Well, _she_ might be.” Kara points to Lizzy, who has finally reached Lena’s foot and is now in the process of slobbering over her expensive heel. “Since she is kind of my daughter, that means that at least she’s half Kryptonian.” 

“Oh, dear.” Lena leans back on her chair and reaches down to pick Lizzy up. The baby lets out a string of nonsensical babbles. “I wanted to ask you about that. How come she’s not displaying any superpowers?” 

“She _is_ still a baby, Lena.” 

Lena inspects Lizzy up close, staring into her bright green eyes. There doesn't seem to be any sign of the child having Heat Vision or even X-ray Vision. She curls Lizzy's hand into a fist next and doesn't feel anything that could remotely suggest her having super strength. Despite her Kryptonian mother, the baby looks to be perfectly normal — human, even. Which says a lot about her other mother. Perhaps she is human, too?

"Were you like this?" Lena asks Kara, putting the baby on her lap, "When you came here to Earth." 

"Actually, I was only 13 at that time and I already had superpowers," Kara explains, coming over to her side and taking Lizzy back into her arms, "Age doesn't matter, as long as we're under the yellow sun. It's the other mother we know nothing about." 

"That can change." Lena stands up, gesturing for Kara to follow. "Do you mind if I take a blood sample?" 

Kara physically balks. "From the baby?"

"Who else?" 

"She won't get hurt, right?" 

Lena smiles despite herself. "No, Kara." She leads her to the medical bay of the laboratory, quite similar to the place where she did tests on Sam when she was still Reign, and points to the bed. Kara follows suit, holding a fussy Lizzy close to her chest. It's a wonder, really — how Kara can switch from being rattled and indecisive half an hour ago to a protective mother who looks ready to bolt at the sight of a needle any second now. 

"Do you remember that alien detective device from so long ago?" Lena asks, setting up the computers while Kara tries to calm the restless Lizzy. 

Kara winces. "The one with the fingerprint thing?" 

Lena spent a long time agonizing over every little thing that seemed out of place with Kara, only to realize that it had been simply because of her being Supergirl. It was certainly too good to be true when _two_ people showed up out of nowhere and started believing in Lena, despite her last name. She should've known better. Within the past few months, she thought and mulled over everything in their friendship — how Kara manipulated every situation to her advantage, including Lena's personal relationships, to both be a hero and to keep her secret intact. When she remembers her alien detection device, she always found it odd that the inner wiring had somehow fried right after she used it on Kara. 

"You were the one who broke it, weren't you?" Lena asks, raising a perfectly crafted eyebrow over her shoulder, "That took months of work. Wasted in a single moment. Did you use Heat Vision?" 

Kara winces again. "I wasn't ready to tell you yet," she explains, moving Lizzy to the space next to her on the bed. 

"It's been nearly three years, Kara. When were you _ever_ going to be ready?" Lena asks with a slight wonder to her tone. "I don't think you were ever going to tell me. Until I found out on my own." 

"Until _Lex_ told you in his own evil, twisted way," Kara corrects, frowning, "What did he tell you, by the way?" 

Lena shakes her head, repressing the memory. The image of Lex, with the bullet hole in his chest and  his bloodstained hand, sneering at her even at Death's door. She thinks it's fitting — he died tormenting her with his last breath. Evil and twisted indeed. _The joke’s on you. It’s always been on you_. What a fucking clown. 

"Nothing that you need to know," she murmurs, "It doesn't matter." 

" _Of course_ it matters, Lena," Kara presses, shushing when Lizzy suddenly starts to cry. Lena watches as the blonde stands up to rock the child against her chest. "It matters because he might've said something completely untrue to get you to turn against me," she later finishes. 

Lena presses a few keys on the monitor to avoid looking back at Kara. She thinks back to what Lex said. "He didn't have to," she quietly says, "I would've been angry and upset either way. I still am, in case you've forgotten." 

There's a sigh from behind. "Okay," Kara says dejectedly, "If you say so." 

"I want to make something absolutely clear, Kara," Lena states, turning around and facing the blonde head on, "I told you this once before, when you were Supergirl. Just because we're working together now doesn't mean we're friends." 

A flash of pain appears in Kara's eyes but it disappears as quickly as it came. She nods, her jaw tight. "Understood," she whispers.

"Just because I've agreed to help you and Lizzy doesn't mean that I've forgiven you or that there is any chance of forgiveness," Lena says, trying to keep her voice level. She knows how to cut business deals and ruin someone's career whenever the situation demands her to but with Kara, it's different. She struggles to speak around the lump in her throat as she once again turns away. "I've agreed not to run away anymore," she says lamely, "but things will never be the same again. Understood?" 

There is a beat. 

"Understood," Kara agrees. 

Lena nods, mostly to herself, as she grabs a syringe from the nearest shelf. Making sure to put on some medical gloves, she turns back and finds Kara still rocking the baby in her arms. Lizzy is quite sleepy apparently, after their minor argument, and Lena tries to squash down the rush of affection that threatens to overcome her at the sight of the blonde baby drooling over Kara's shoulder with bleary eyes. She makes sure to keep her own averted from her ex-best friend's gaze and rolls up the child's sleeve. Immediately, Lizzy begins to move around and cry quietly, having been disturbed from her light nap. 

"You know how to do this, right?" Kara asks, a hint of fear in her tone as she tries to soothe the child. Lena thinks of berating her for her lack of trust, as she always does, but then she sees the blonde clutching Lizzy's hand tightly and realizes that it's not because of Kara's lack of trust but rather her motherly instincts taking over rational thought.  

Lena lets it slide. "Yes," she assures her, "I've had experience in the medical field. They told me that I had one of the steadiest hands." 

"When did you do this? I thought you were enrolled in business." 

Lena allows herself a prideful smile. "A Luthor needs to have some hobbies. Don't worry, I was trained by professionals." 

That only does little to calm Kara's nerves but she nods, showing Lena her support. A tiny part of the raven-haired woman preens and she think that it's probably instinctual to feel like this — like she's soaring when somebody allows her to be trusted. God knows how many relationships and friendships her last name has ruined. 

Lena angles the syringe on Lizzy's shoulder and presses. The baby continues to cry as they hear something _snap._ The needle, at the slightest pressure from Lena, has snapped in half on contact with the skin. Almost like it's made of steel. 

She shares a dumbfounded look with Kara. "Well," she says, throwing the broken syringe away, "so much for blood samples." 

Kara lets out a breathy laugh, now giving the crying Lizzy an affectionate look. "Guess that settles it, huh?" she murmurs, kissing her forehead; Lizzy goes quiet. "I had the same problem when I was a kid. The only reason they could take away my blood was if I relaxed. Only worked half of the time." 

"That's going to serve as a problem in our pursuit for answers," Lena points out wearily, feeling a headache coming in, "I can't tell Lizzy to just _relax_. She's a baby!"

"You _can_ tell her. She just won't listen." 

"Please don't try to be funny right now." 

Kara just shrugs. "At least it proves that she's part Kryptionian. I think those who are hybrids tend to develop powers at a later age. This could only mean that what she has right now is instinctual, not necessarily under her own volition." 

Lena stares at them both — the blonde duo who seem hellbent on making her life difficult — before letting out a sigh and muttering something about getting water. She leaves the two to their own devices and approaches the station with a pitcher on top of it. As she tips the glass back to drink the water, she hears the doors of the laboratory sliding open. When she glances to the side, she sees Sam approaching, holding two cups of coffee in her hands. 

"Is Kara still around?" the brunette asks. 

"In the medical bay. What brings you here?”

"Well, I just wanted to see you how guys were doing." She tilts her head to the side, frowning, as she places the cups on a vacant table. Since her hair is shorter now, she looks younger and more carefree. Lena can't say the same for herself. Every time she glances into the mirror, she sees what the past few months have done to her. She thinks she might look older now. 

"Don't worry, I haven't thrown Kara into a ditch or anything,” she says in a monotone voice, accepting the cup of coffee, “She is perfectly safe.” 

“I wasn’t going to ask about her,” Sam tells her earnestly, “I was going to ask about you.”

Lena pauses, running her fingers over the warmth of the cup. "I'm fine, thanks for worrying." 

"You know that I always worry," Sam remarks, "It's part of my job as a mom. I worry about Ruby getting bullied or my boss seeing her ex again." 

"Ex-best friend." 

"That is _totally_ what I meant." There's a knowing glint in Sam's eyes as she leans back against the wall and nods over to the medical bay. "How's the baby thing going on?" 

Making a face, Lena sips coffee and lets out a low guttural groan at the back of her throat. "Not good," she grumbles, "I can't even get some blood samples. Her skin is like steel." 

"Kryptonian, then?" 

"Unfortunately." 

"Come on, don't be like that, I _was_ Kryptonian too," Sam points out, grinning to show that she's only kidding, "Most of your closest friends are part alien. How's the uh, Brainy guy, by the way?" 

"Little boxes, comrade," Lena echoes in a murmur, thinking of him.

"What?" 

"I haven't heard from him." 

"Damn, you seriously cut off every person back in National City, huh?" Sam doesn't sound too condescending. Instead, she sounds _sad,_ even. Lena doesn't want her to feel sad — it makes her feel pretty shitty, actually. 

"That's what happens when you've been lied to for years," she points out, drinking from her coffee and wishing that it was Scotch, "I don't need your pity, Sam. I was perfectly fine without Kara and her friends." 

"Lena, you went to a _therapist_." 

"I have plenty of childhood trauma to discuss with Dr. Patrick," Lena refutes, rolling her eyes, "Not everything revolves around Kara. I… I was finally moving on, you know?" 

Sam doesn't look entirely convinced. But instead of pushing the topic, she just sighs and says nothing. After a few seconds of tense silence, she grabs the other cup of coffee and heads over to the medical bay where a chirpy Kara Danvers greets her. Lena is left once again to her own damning thoughts. She really can't blame Sam — she'd be annoyed too if she was her own friend. 

For the next two hours, she spends it in front of her computer trying to adjust the settings of the alien detection prototype from long ago. She knows Kara feels bad about destroying it so she shuffles out of the lab by lunchtime, with a crying Lizzy in tow. Sam lingers for a few seconds by the door when pressing L-Corp matters takes her attention away, looking like she wants to say a few things to her boss. Instead, she only sighs and leaves with a halfhearted wave. 

Left with her own thoughts, Lena manages to work productively. She does this by adamantly trying to tell herself not to think too much about Kara. Instead, she thinks of Lizzy, trying to approach the situation as if it were a game of chess. Lizzy came here on Sunday in an escape pod bearing the House of El symbol and Kara’s necklace. But if Krypton was destroyed years ago, there’s a possibility that  Lizzy could’ve come from a planet close to Krypton… Like Argo City, maybe. It wouldn’t make sense for Lizzy to show up in a pod if she didn’t come from outer space. 

Her thoughts are interrupted with the laboratory doors sliding open and Kara waltzing in like she owns the place. She holds some paper bags from Noonan’s in her left hand with Lizzy perched on her right arm. “Hi,” she says sheepishly, “I bought you lunch.” 

Lena resists the urge to look her direction as she continues to type. “You didn’t have to,” she says, “I’m not hungry.” 

“I can hear your stomach grumbling, Lena.” 

“Must be the air conditioning.” 

Lizzy lets out a short bubble of laughter. Lena can’t keep the smile off her face at the sound. 

“Lena, _please_ ,” Kara says softly, leaning against the table and putting the take-out on the surface, “You’ve barely had any sleep because of the kid. Just… don’t think that the food came from me. Just because we aren’t friends doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about you.”

“That is exactly what a friend does, which you aren’t allowed to do so under the circumstances.” Lena waves away the take-out even though she’s pretty sure there’s kale salad inside. Her stomach does grumble at the thought and she hates herself for it, knowing how well Kara’s Super Hearing is. “Please leave me be, Kara. I’m fine.” 

She makes the mistake of looking up and catching Kara’s gaze. The blonde looks similar to a kicked puppy. Something in her chest shatters at the sight. _Stupid, foolish heart_ , she thinks to herself as she glances towards Lizzy instead. The baby grins at her, looking happier than before. 

“Anyway, I’m done with the system,” she shares, standing up from her table and gesturing to the middle of the laboratory where a more complicated and bigger version of the alien detection device stands. She gestures for Kara to put Lizzy on the chair so that she can hook the baby to the machine for a better reading. 

“This is safe, right?” Kara asks, running her fingers through Lizzy’s curls. 

Lena nods. “Perfectly safe,” she answers and begins to set the system up. When she started working alongside the DEO, she managed to get a hold of their most recently updated alien directory with all the known planets in their solar systems, along with the characteristics of their inhabitants. Hopefully, they’ll figure out where Lizzy came from through its help. She presses the button and prays for the best. 

Her heart hammering inside her chest, she watches as the binary numbers begin to pile up on the screen. Without thinking about it, she moves closer to where Lizzy sat, still waiting for the result. She can see that Kara is holding her breath, her gaze focused and attentive. With the furrowed eyebrows and the down turned lips, she looks exactly like how Supergirl looked when Lena made Kryptonite. The memory doesn’t sit well with her so she looks back down at Lizzy. 

Lizzy, despite the wires sticking out of her forehead, gives Lena a wide grin and claps her hands together. Lena softens. Even though she’s still slightly pissed about her crying last night, she realizes that she really can’t stay mad at her for too long. Must be the baby blues. 

There’s a beeping noise from the monitor. Lena looks up and frowns. A huge blaring _ERROR_ sign is flashing on the screen. Dread settles in her stomach. “Oh, _shi_ — shiitake. Shiitake. I meant to say that. I was not going to curse in front of a child. Don’t worry.” She moves to try and inspect the computer closer but Lizzy somehow grabs on her fingers, holding onto her pinky with her entire left hand. Lena turns, raising an eyebrow, and Lizzy laughs. 

“So this error is _shiitake_ worthy?” Kara asks, biting her lower lip and looking every bit worried. She should be. Lena didn’t make any mistakes in re configuring her system. The error only means one thing and one thing only. Her mind starts going a hundred miles per hour as she processes this information.

She reaches forward and cups Lizzy’s cheek, rubbing her thumb against the smooth skin and staring into her green eyes. She promised Kara answers to all of her questions but instead, she only manages to find more questions. Completely counterproductive, if she has to say so. Guess beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to situations involving aliens. 

Lena meets Kara’s eyes over Lizzy’s head. 

“What does the error mean, Lena?” Kara demands, her tone not leaving room for any argument.

“It means,” Lena says, pausing when she realizes the enormity of this revelation, “that her origins aren’t in the alien directory that I got from the DEO. Out of all the planets out there, she doesn’t belong to any. I can’t get an accurate reading from her.” 

Kara blinks. “So, where _did_ she come from?” 

“Your theory might be correct,” Lena recalls, looking away.

“What theory — ? Which one?” The blonde is starting to get impatient now and Lena turns her back on her, biting on thumb and wishing for a glass of scotch. God, she needs some sleep. “Lena, I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” 

“What I’m _trying_ to say, Kara,” Lena presses, thinking about what it all could mean and the tragedy behind the strings involved; a wave of sadness rolls over her at the memory of what the message in the box said, at the explosions she heard in the background, “is that Lizzy doesn’t belong to _this_ universe. If I can't find her origins from what the DEO gave me, it only means one thing. Besides, it's the only thing that makes sense right now. The fact that you're her mother and yet you have no idea where she came from... Kara, Lizzy came from another Earth that was possibly destroyed and you — _the other you_ — sent her away to this one, whether by choice or accident, we’ll never know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Question. What did Brainy mean when he talked about 'small boxes'??? Lmao, I would really like to know since I'm not following the show and I only get my info from the Arrowverse wiki lmao.


	6. hold on i still need you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wanted to see if you'll go to the DEO with me today," Kara says, her tone slow and careful, like she expects to be rejected any second now. 
> 
> Lena raises an eyebrow. "Is Alex already here?"
> 
> "Yes, but she's not alone. She, J'onn and Brainy flew in just this morning." 
> 
> "Oh, good. A family reunion, then." Her tone holds nothing but disdain. 
> 
> "If you don't want to," Kara hurries to amend, wringing her hands, "I'll understand but there might be something that we can find out about Lizzy and I'd hate to just barge in at your house to tell you about it. We have the resources at the DEO that can help to get her blood sample. It wouldn't feel… right without you there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out that I am taking artistic license with anything that I write here. If there are any major contradictions, please let me know, but it they are only minor, please ignore them lmao.
> 
> By the way, this is probably the longest chapter in this story so far so buckle up and get ready for the reveal! *insert maniacal laughing noises*

 

_Hold on, I still want you_  
_Come back, I still need you_  
_Let me take your hand, I'll make it right_  
_I swear to love you all my life_  
  
_Hold on, I still need you_  

**_—_ Chord Overstreet, Hold On**

...

"We need to call the DEO," Kara says, already pulling her phone out from her back pocket. 

Panic shoots through Lena's spine. "No," she says without thinking, even though it is perfectly logical to call the DEO at this point since her technology at L-Corp doesn't have anything on multiple universes. The idea of seeing Alex so soon after Kara just showed up doesn't sit well with her. 

"Lena, we _have_ to," Kara presses, "This is completely beyond our control now." 

"I understand," Lena says with a low growl, rubbing her eyes tiredly, "I just — I need to calm down and think for a second. Jesus, Kara, I haven't seen all of you for the past five months. I need time to adjust before you guys come barging in again." 

Kara pauses, her thumb pausing on the screen of her phone. Her expression is half mutinous, half impatient. Upon seeing Lena's face, she softens. Nods understandingly. Even though Lena has been nothing but a bitch to her. The raven-haired woman shuts her eyes and turns away, trying to think. She promised she would help. But… Kara is one thing to have back in her proximity again, it's another for the rest of the Supergirl team to show up. A sense of claustrophobia clutches at her throat. Soon, she'll be surrounded by the people who turned a blind eye to her, who lied to her, who probably mocked her behind closed doors simply because she wasn't let in on the secret. _The joke's on you. It’s always been on you._

Lex was right. 

(At the end of the day, she has no one.) 

"This is bigger than both of us," Kara states, her voice strained, approaching her from behind; Lena flinches. "If what you're saying is true, if Lizzy really is from another Earth, then it makes _sense._ The necklace, the voice message — _everything_. But that would still make me, biologically, her mother and I can't just… I need to give her the best chance she has here." 

It makes sense. Kara would obviously be frazzled with the idea of Lizzy being her daughter from another universe and she would obviously still stand by her despite this particular situation. That's just part of who she is. Even if she isn't her real mother, she would still take on the responsibility. 

"Just…" Lena lets out a frustrated sigh, the headache returning. "I need you to go. Take Lizzy with you. You can come by the house tonight or tomorrow to get all the stuff that I bought. I need some sleep." 

"But the DEO —?" 

"— can wait." It's halfway to two o'clock. She has the rest of the afternoon to catch a break. Shutting off the computer and taking away the wires off Lizzy's head, she avoids Kara's gaze and steps towards her table, where the take-out still sits. "You need to spend more time with your daughter," she whispers, "Perhaps there's something else that you can find." 

"Lena…" 

"I'm fine, Kara. Just running on two hours of sleep," she mutters, glancing halfheartedly at the take-out. Her stomach grumbles again. "Please go." 

There's a beat. Silence. Lena half expects Kara to argue with her. Instead, she hears a forlorn sigh and a soft babble from Lizzy as Kara presumably picks her up and leaves the laboratory, her footsteps ringing through the space. The raven-haired woman can’t help but wonder if she’s disappointed at this. 

It isn't fair, Lena knows. It wasn't Kara's fault that Lizzy showed up out of nowhere and brought down whatever progress Lena had with the aftermath of her brother's death, even though it technically is. The other Kara’s fault, anyway. Even though Kara knew that Lena was in Metropolis, she gave her space and time to move on from her. Until now, the blonde is still doing that. Despite the fact that they're back in each other's orbit, Kara still respects Lena's choices and goes away when asked to do so. What a stupidly selfless person.  

(Lena wants to hate her for it.) 

(Spoiler alert: she doesn’t.)

She takes a seat behind her table, rubs her eyes and reaches for the take-out. 

…

Lena sleeps for nearly fourteen hours. It’s a deep one that she’s never really gotten used to. When she was a kid, everytime she overslept on a weekend, Lillian always berated her for being irresponsible and wasting a perfectly good day to learn new things like piano or archery. It’s something her stepmother has successfully ingrained into her brain. Sleep always ceased to be counterproductive sooner or later. But Lizzy certainly did a number on Lena when she wouldn’t stop crying that first night so the raven-haired woman takes it upon herself to make up for the lack of hours she needs to recharge. It’s been a long two days. She needs a break. 

She wakes up in a state of confusion, temporarily forgetting about the events prior to that day, as she pushes herself up on her elbows and looks around. Sitting next to her on the nightstand is a glass of scotch. Oh, she remembers now. Lizzy showed up out of nowhere. Lizzy is back. Everything is falling apart. She also drank herself to sleep last night. Not enough to induce a hangover but enough to make her thirsty. She definitely needed a drink, especially after checking the directory once more for Lizzy’s origins. She must’ve read through a bunch of planets and solar systems before finally giving up and nearly collapsing on the way to the bedroom just as the time struck five o’clock. 

Now as she readies herself for another day’s work, she hears a few knocks on the patio door leading to the backyard where the escape pod still lay. She turns and finds Kara standing on the other side of the glass, wearing black jeans and a blue button down shirt. Lizzy doesn’t seem to be with her. 

The sight of her after so long is always disorienting. Lena blames it on too much sleep and the scotch.

“Kara,” she says, walking outside with a cup of coffee in hand and taking a seat on the lounge chair, “I recall having a front door.” 

“I… uh… flew in.” Kara uncomfortably looks around before she hesitantly settles on the chair next to Lena. She sits with her spine straight and her bottom on the edge of the seat, like she half expects the CEO to kick her out of her home. Which Lena has half the mind to do so. “Anyway,” Kara continues, adjusting her glasses, “I wanted to see if you’re okay.” 

“Well, here I am, talking to you. Unfortunately.” Lena takes a sip and clears her throat, making sure to keep her gaze away. “Now that you’ve seen how _okay_ I am, is there anything else I can do for you?” 

Kara winces. "I wanted to see if you'll go to the DEO with me today," she says, her tone slow and careful, like she expects to be rejected any second now. 

Lena raises an eyebrow. "Is Alex already here?"

"Yes, but she's not alone. She, J'onn and Brainy flew in just this morning." 

"Oh, good. A _family_ reunion, then." Her tone holds nothing but disdain. 

"If you don't want to," Kara hurries to amend, wringing her hands, "I'll understand but there might be something that we can find out about Lizzy and I'd hate to just barge in at your house to tell you about it. We have the resources at the DEO that can help to get her blood sample. It wouldn't feel… _right_ without you there." 

Lena sips her coffee and takes ample time to think about it. She stares at the escape pod in the middle of the backyard and the ruined gardenias underneath it, noting that she should probably call the cleaning service and remembering the circumstances that Lizzy came into her life. Then she glances at Kara to see her hastily looking away. Even though she doesn't seem to have a choice in the matter, a part of her — the deep angry and resentful part — enjoys seeing Kara squirm.

"Where is she?" Lena asks, putting down her coffee on the table and crossing her arms. 

"Lizzy? I, uhm, asked Sam to watch over her back at their place. Ever since you said you didn't get enough sleep, I thought I needed some help." Now that Lena thinks about it, Kara _does_ look tired. She doesn't have the usual glow to her skin, the glow that seems like she just popped out from the sun or something. "Anyway," the blonde continues, sighing, "who better to ask for help than a real mom, right? I'm not saying that I'm not a mom or anything since this is all pretty new to me. I literally had no nine months to prepare for this…" 

Lena hides a smile behind her hand, not at Kara's blabbering (even though it is still endearing) but at the thought that Lizzy also kept her up all night. "And er, how was she?" 

" _Terrible_ ," Kara moans, rubbing her eyes and heaving a sigh, "At first, she wouldn't stop crying so I tried everything. I fed her, changed her diaper and even gave her a bath for good measure. Thankfully, Sam told me to try _singing._ It worked a little past after three."

"You sang to her?"

"It finally did the trick," Kara shares, a fond smile written all over her face, "I sang her the song my mom used to sing to me. A Kryptonian lullaby." 

"Understandable. The other Kara must've done the same." Lena grows quiet, thinking. Then she glances back at Kara to see that her smile has slightly dimmed. "How do you feel about that?" she asks, her voice softer than she intends. _There she goes again, getting all soft for Kara._

Kara blinks. "Oh. You mean about Lizzy coming from another earth? Well, it's _weird_ , to say the least. Like my life is barely anything normal but… a kid? From another version of me? That's a whole other level." 

"You mentioned Barry Allen meeting his daughter from the future. How did he handle it?" 

A wave of sadness washes over Kara's features so quickly that Lena knows that she's said something wrong. "Oh," the blonde says again, rubbing her neck, "He told me that she… uhm, disappeared from their timeline. I don't really understand it, since he belongs to another Earth as well, but yeah… he lost his daughter." 

Lena nods, not wanting to pry further. She doesn't know Barry, doesn't understand the extent of his pain, but she can see that Kara doesn't want anything similar happening to her. Lena has rarely dabbled in anything Time Travel or multiverse related so she doesn't have a deeper understanding to how Lizzy might fit in their universe, but she's certain that Lizzy won't be fading anytime soon. 

The fact that Lizzy didn't show up in the DEO system means that there wasn't an exact match to her biology and physiology to what's already in the archive. Since she's Kara's daughter, her Kryptonian characteristics should've shown up. When it didn't, it could only mean that she's an entirely new species or she's from another Earth that has a slight difference when it came to her particles and cellular work — the very root of who she is. This Earth and her Earth must be closely similar in nature, since Lizzy didn't have a major negative reaction to the environment around her. And since she is not bounded by time, like Barry Allen's daughter was, the risk of her fading from existence is low. Lena thinks of all this but doesn't tell Kara. 

"I'm sorry for his loss," is what she says instead, nodding politely, "It must've been difficult." 

"He has Iris," Kara murmurs, smiling sadly.

"Good for him." 

"Yeah." Kara clears her throat and leans forward. "So, will you come with me to the DEO?"

Lena sighs, looking at her. The blonde has a soft, hesitant smile on her face. It strongly reminds Lena of all the smiles Supergirl sent her way after saving her from all kinds of trouble. She wonders how she didn't see it before; how Kara and Supergirl aren't just two sides of the same coin — they are the same coin. _You chose not to see it_ , Lex had said. 

"Okay," she agrees, standing up, "I'll meet you there with Sam and Lizzy. Let me just get ready." 

"All right." Kara also stands up and moves instinctively forward, raising her arms halfway before she realizes what she's about to do; Lena freezes. "Oh, right," the blonde says sheepishly, stepping back and dropping her hands, "Force of habit. Sorry." 

Lena's throat closes in. "Just go, Kara," she mumbles, shaking her head, "I'll see you at the DEO. Text me the directions." 

Kara nods mutely. Lena doesn't imagine the shaky sigh that escapes past the blonde's lips when she turns away and shoots into the sky, the force of her jump creating a shift in the air strong enough to move Lena's coffee mug a few inches to the left. As she returns to the confines of her living room, Lena also doesn't imagine the ache in her own arms when she saw Kara coming in for that hug, tries to pretend like it wasn't something she wanted to give and get in return, and forces herself to think that Kara's embrace wouldn't feel like _home_ because she knows that she never had one in the first place. 

...

"Thanks for coming," Lena tells Sam as they descend the elevator to the main operations room of the DEO; Lizzy is in her arms, touching her face and giggling, "I know that we left off on a bad note yesterday." 

"Hey, if I get to miss work for it, why not?" the brunette jokes, shooting her a grin. "Besides, Lizzy's grown on me. Even though she does have that weird habit of stuffing that tiger into her mouth and waking me up at two in the morning. I have a soft spot for kids, even if they are spawns of Satan." 

Lena snorts. It seems like a fitting description for Lizzy when she wouldn't stop howling the other night and for now, when she won’t stop trying to grab onto her hair. "That's accurate. I really appreciate this." 

Sam's smile turns soft as she reaches forward and pulls Lena into a side hug, pinching Lizzy by the cheek while doing so. While it is a comfort, it's simply not the same as the ones she shared with Kara. "Come on, you know that I can never be mad at you," the brunette shares, "even if there are some things that I don't agree on. Friendships are like… being parents to annoying little kids. You piss each other off but at the end of the day, you have to tuck the little bastard in for bedtime." 

"So, I'm like your child?"

"Yes, a moody child who would rather box away her feelings and drink coffee until she gets caffeine poisoning. You were probably the type of kid who had a goth phase." Sam laughs, which makes Lena laugh. She hasn't done that in a while so it kind of feels good. 

"The opposite, actually," Lena mutters, low enough that Sam doesn't hear, as she thinks of her high school years — Student Council President, Class Valedictorian and a few other awards under her belt come to mind. 

The elevator doors slide open. Lena straightens her spine and mentally prepares herself. The first thing that catches her attention are the large screens monitoring a map of Metropolis City, all plastered on the walls of the base. Then she moves her focus downwards, seeing Kara, Alex, J'onn and Brainy in front of the large interface, filled with a multitude of blinking buttons and switches. Lizzy squeals when she sees Kara. 

The DEO base in Metropolis is similar to the one back in National City, albeit smaller. Probably because they had Superman constantly saving the day. The familiar image of Kara and her friends in the middle of the room reminds her of all the times she was with them, trying to help save the city or solving alien-related crime. A part of her misses it while another part sees it for what it was — a group of people being wary and distrustful of her. Playing a joke on her, thinking of her as the fool.

Kara is the first one to notice her, quickly whispering to Alex. The older Danvers gives her a dubious glare. "Glad you could make it," the blonde greets as the three newcomers approach, "They've wanted to meet Lizzy for a while now. Not that — not that they aren’t anxious to see you again. It’s been so long, after all. I just didn’t want to come off as foreboding or anything like that…” She twists her fingers nervously, a hesitant smile on her face, 

Lena nods jerkily, handing Lizzy to Kara. “Director Danvers,” she greets Alex who looks like she wants to say something before glancing back at Brainy and J'onn who give her warm smiles, "Brainy, J'onn, it's certainly been a while." 

"You look well," J'onn says. 

"It has been approximately five months and three days since I've last seen you, Lena," Brainy says. He seems warmer, less aloof. A lot has changed, she guesses. She doesn’t say anything after his comment, only nods at him. She misses the hurt look that flashes through his eyes. 

"You guys remember Sam, right?" Kara asks everyone while she lifts Lizzy up into the air, watching her laugh. Sam steps next to Lena and gives a familiar wave. 

"How could I forget?" Alex speaks for the first time since they got here. Her hair has grown to its usual length, similar to the haircut Lena saw her in when they first met. 

Sam shoots Alex a wink. "Good to see you." 

"How's Ruby?" 

"Growing bigger each day." At this, Alex smiles.  

Lizzy takes this exact moment to cry for Lena, chubby arms reaching out for her. Everybody's direction shifts towards the baby, raising their eyebrows in obvious concern. Kara tries to quiet the child by rubbing soothing circles against her back but it’s not enough. Lizzy continues to cry, growing louder with each second that passes that she isn’t in Lena’s arms, so Kara shoots the woman an apologetic look and steps closer.

“She must’ve missed you a lot, huh?”

“I’ve only held her for about twenty minutes,” Lena says, sighing, as she accepts the baby.

However, once Lizzy is in Lena’s arms, she twists around, her green eyes wide and doe-like as she whimpers, and reaches for Kara once again.

“Oh, wow, that’s just _adorable_ ,” Sam says cheekily.

“Seriously, Lizzy,” Lena grumbles, reaching into her bag and pulling out the stuffed tiger. She hands her this instead.

She’s aware that everybody is staring at the three of them — probably taking in the sight of a Luthor holding the child of a Super like it’s her very own, though that’s mostly because she spent the first night trying to calm Lizzy down. She understands the looks exchanged between Alex and J’onn and the contemplative hum that slips past Brainy’s lips. She understands this but it doesn’t make her less nervous about the whole thing. It’s been too long since she’s last seen any of them. A part of her has to wonder if they look at her differently now, if their past suspicions regarding her Luthor name were confirmed when she left National City after the discovery of Kara’s alternate identity.   

Kara doesn’t mind the stares as she pushes her sister towards the child. “Go meet your niece, you weirdo,” she says. 

“Oh!” Alex gasps, eyes widening at the realization. “Right. My _niece_. I have… I have a niece? Oh wow, okay. Uhm. Should I – ? What should I do, exactly?” 

“You can start by taking her from my arms,” Lena explains dryly, “She won’t bite. She isn’t a dog.” 

Alex meets her eyes. The raven-haired woman quickly looks away, handing Lizzy off to her aunt and taking a step back into the comfortable space next to Sam, who places a comforting hand on her shoulder J’onn and Brainy both approach carefully, like they’re within the vicinity of a bomb that’s about to explode. Lizzy seems to be enjoying the attention given to her, green eyes alight with wonder and awe. Lena finds herself watching Alex carefully, sees the older Danvers staring at the baby with the same emotions reflected in her eyes and thinks of last year, when she wanted kids of her own. 

“Well, she’s definitely Kryptonian,” J’onn says, looking up and catching Lena’s eye, “I can’t read her mind.” 

“I’ll check the DEO Archive,” Brainy says, “Perhaps we can find something —” 

“Already did,” Lena interrupts, crossing her arms, “I got your Archive a long time ago. She isn't in it.” 

“Well.” Brainy blinks at her. “That is most unfortunate indeed.” 

“What other tests have you done?” Alex asks, her tone sharp.

“She tried to get some blood samples for a DNA test,” Kara answers for Lena, taking a step forward, “but Lizzy’s skin is as thick as mine. It won’t work unless we apply some power- dampening technology on her.” 

“Interesting,” J’onn remarks, “Let’s get some samples then.” He gestures for the team to follow him into another room in the DEO, where this power-dampening technology seems to be located at, and Lena understands that she’s not invited in. Alex passes Lizzy into Kara’s arms and says that she’ll prepare the database for all registered civilians in America for the DNA test. Brainy and J’onn go on ahead with Kara and Lizzy following behind them. The blonde shoots Lena a worried glance before disappearing around a corner. 

Lena turns to Sam. “Well,” she says, faking a smile, “That was a very frosty welcome.” 

The brunette shakes her head and snorts. “Says the ice queen.” 

“Hey, I wasn’t _that_ cold.”

Sam pretends to think about it. “On a scale of one to ten, I’d say you were in the North Pole.”

"We should probably stop talking about ice now," Lena quips, rubbing her elbows and watching Alex go over the control panel once more, the screens lit up with a bunch of names and lists. Again, she finds herself conflicted over what to feel about being dragged back into this part of her life again — the part that always seems to get tied back to the Kryptonians in the world. First Superman, then Sam, and then Kara and now Lizzy. She wonders if she’s got some sort of magnetic field that attracts trouble.

“Can’t they just swab Lizzy’s cheek or something?” Sam wonders, “I mean, that’s how DNA tests work, right?” 

“In this case, due to Kara's Kryptonian nature, it wouldn’t be enough,” Lena points out, “and blood is a lot surer than saliva. Besides, I don’t think they have any files on saliva samples here in America. Blood, on the other hand, that’s something else. It also doesn't lie.” 

“Oh, that kind of makes sense.” 

“You should talk to Alex,” she tells Sam all of a sudden, tilting her head to the side, “so that I won’t have to. Besides, I think you guys have a lot more to talk about, especially regarding Ruby.” 

At the mention of her daughter, Sam’s features light up, like it always does. But she makes sure to reach out and squeeze Lena’s hand. “Don’t think that I won’t hesitate to drag the two of you in a single room together just so that you can talk things through,” she says, a motherly tone to her voice. While she still looks open and friendly, there’s a worried scrunch between her eyebrows that Lena finds herself being the recipient more and more each day. 

“It’s been five months,” she murmurs, pinching the skin of her arm. She’s thought of this reunion so many times in her head before and it always ended with her screaming her throat sore and walking out from the Danvers, vowing to herself never to return again. She can’t imagine doing that now. While she is pretty stubborn and cold at times, she doesn’t think she can ever get her feet to walk away from Kara or her sister. It’s like gravity, unfortunately. The harder she pushes away, the stronger they pull her back in. 

“Five months is a long time to cool over,” Sam says, patting her cheek, “You can talk to someone even if you don’t forgive them. Forgiveness, no matter how long it takes, is always going to be worth it. Besides, you’re the only one who can give it.” 

Lena stares at her for a long time. No matter how little words that she uses or how closed off she is to the rest of the world, she finds it pretty amazing that Sam can easily see right through her bullshit and pull out the thoughts that refuse to leave her mind. Perhaps that’s what happens when you raise a teenage daughter all on your own.

“Okay, go,” the CEO grumbles, waving her friend away, “Talk to Alex. I still have to make a few calls to Jess.” 

“You got it, boss.” 

Lena watches Sam and Alex talking in bright, chirpy voices that are often accompanied with bursts of laughter and genuine smiles. She looks away. 

Since she wasn’t exactly told what Kara and the rest of her team were doing with Lizzy, Lena wanders off into one corner of the room and leans against the wall. She waits. Her flimsy excuse about needing to call Jess fades from her mind as she thinks about the past few days and how it’s completely unhinged whatever progress she’s made with her entire situation. Ever since Lex died, she’s been on edge, just holding her breath and waiting for the rest of the world to crumble. She’s always looked up to Lex. His death made her rethink everything in her life and what she was capable of — she was capable of murdering him and capable of living without him, it seems. That was how her world crashed for the first time. It did so again when it was revealed that Kara was Supergirl. Then for the third time with her stepmother, when she disappeared without a trace once she heard the news. And now, it has happened again — with Lizzy. Lizzy who, despite the tragedy of what she’s been through, brings the same radiance and happiness one would expect from a Danvers — the same aura Lena once found in Kara. 

Her thoughts are interrupted when she hears footsteps coming from the back. She turns and finds Kara rocking Lizzy in her arms, cooing at her and making tiger noises. Lizzy laughs and it’s a beautiful sound — one that immediately lifts Lena’s mood. Behind the mother and daughter duo, Brainy rubs his hand, looking pained while J’onn inspects a vial filled with a small sample of blood, presumably Lizzy’s. 

Alex quickly rounds up to them, pointing at Brainy’s hand. “What the hell happened?” 

“Baby bit me,” Brainy grumbles and shows the bite marks on his palm, “If I were human, she would’ve bitten right through.” 

“You must’ve done something to provoke her,” Alex says. 

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have gone so close to her without asking,” Brainy mutters under his breath and leaves to get some bandages. 

Lena walks back to where Sam has stepped away from the interface. “Moment of truth,” she whispers to her friend, feeling nervous all of a sudden. She looks at Kara and Lizzy on the other side of the room, sees how happy they are, despite the circumstances of the situation, and wonders how the other mother would react to being told that she has a daughter in another universe. She thinks that she probably wouldn’t handle it with the same grace Kara has. 

Sam pats Lena’s back. “You did a good job taking care of Lizzy while Kara was away,” she says, smiling proudly at her, “Most people would’ve just dropped her off to the nearest orphanage.” 

“That would’ve been cruel.” 

“Well, look at that, you’ve got a heart of gold inside you.” Sam bumps shoulders with her. “Totally not an ice queen, huh?” 

Lena gives her a dark look and reverts her attention back to the Supergirl team. J’onn passes the vial of blood to Alex who immediately puts it on a machine next to the control panel and presses some keys on the screen. There’s a _whirring_ sound, one that fills the room, as the blood is analyzed bit by bit. Its components show up on the multiple screens in front of them. Lena takes all of this in, mesmerized as she reads on Lizzy’s genetic DNA. She can note the differences from what a regular human would have, which confirms her Kryptonian heritage. 

A few seconds pass as Alex continues to work on the blood test. There are two blank names on the screen for the two mothers that were the cause of Lizzy’s existence. Lena glances to Kara, who steps closer to her sister and whispers a few words into her daughter’s ear. She wonders what she said just then. 

There’s a _ping_ sound, like somebody’s just answered the one million dollar question on a TV show. Lena immediately locks her eyes on the screen. _Moment of truth_ , she thinks to herself. 

Sure enough, Kara’s profile shows up, her genetic DNA matching with a few key components from Lizzy’s. Lena releases a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding on. No room for doubt anymore. Everything — the House of El symbol, the necklace, the uncanny resemblance — it has finally been confirmed. 

“Congratulations,” Alex says with a smirk, “You _are_ the mother!” 

“What about the second one?” Kara persists, her eyes still pinned on the empty name. 

“It’s still processing. You know, there is a possibility that a man’s going to show up,” Alex notes; Lena realizes that she has a point, “Like a sperm donor or something. I wouldn’t be that surprised if that were the case. Which might make the identity of the other mother a lot harder to find —” 

Another _ping_. Lena leans forward and freezes. 

 _No way_ , she thinks, her eyes fixated on her own name that’s flashed on the screen, along with every detail about her own blood. On another day, she would’ve felt scandalized about the government apparently having access to all of their records but she’s not thinking about that now. She’s thinking that there’s a mistake. _There should be a mistake_. The system shows _Lena Kieran Luthor_ , highlighted with major similarities to Lizzy’s genetic map. The relief that she felt with Kara’s profile disappears in a single heart wrenching moment, replaced with fear and shock. 

There’s somebody talking — Alex or Sam, maybe — but the blood rushing to her ears is too loud. Her vision swims. She feels dizzy. _Lizzy_ _is my…?_ She doesn’t want to think about it. She cannot _fathom_ what this could all mean. Looking up, she catches Kara and Lizzy staring; Kara wearing an expression of absolute shock and Lizzy smiling at her, green eyes alight with joy as she stretches her arms forward. 

 _The eyes are different though_ , Sam once said, _hers are green. Kind of like yours_. 

“No,” she whispers, as it all comes crashing down. Her hearing returns, her vision blurs with tears, and her heart rattles in her chest. In another life, in another world — she and Kara were together. They had a baby. Kara who, in this world, betrayed her in the worst way possible. 

“Lena,” she hears Sam says, crouching in front of her as hands come up to squeeze her shoulders, “Breathe. _Breathe_.” 

She looks at her, sees nothing but tears in her eyes, wipes at them furiously with the back of her hand and leaves the DEO without another word spoken to Kara and Lizzy. She expects Kara to run after her and to beg her to stay, but when the blonde doesn’t, the bitter taste of disappointment fills the back of her throat. 

 _Congratulations,_ Alex's voice returns to her mind, vicious and unrelenting,  _you_ are _the mother!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment down below your thoughts! I enjoy reading them a lot even if I have no time to actually sit down and reply to each one of them. I hope you liked this chapter! Thanks for reading, by the way!


	7. wreck of our hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex gives her a firm look. “She didn’t believe it,” she tells Lena, “‘The mathematical probability of that ever happening in any universe is zero, Alex.’ That’s what she said.”
> 
> “She’s not wrong,” Lena says bitingly, still furious at this revelation.
> 
> The air in the room suddenly thickens with tension. Alex raises an eyebrow and moves to sit down on the stool opposite Lena on the kitchen counter. She doesn’t say anything for a while, which makes the raven-haired woman more than nervous. She hates not knowing things that involve her or directly affect her. The fact that Kara kept this vital information from her once again makes her so angry that she’s seconds away from throwing the perfectly good potstickers into the trash can. 
> 
> “Are you sure about that?” Alex asks seriously with a frown on her face.
> 
> “About what?” Lena returns the frown.
> 
> “The possibility of you and Kara never happening.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm sorry for the semi late update! I've been ghostwriting a few things and working on my job so updates are rarely things that I can do in my free time right now. Anyway, this is sort of a filler chapter but nonetheless, still very important to the whole story. By the end of the chapter, you'll see that our little babies are going to have a little bit of progress hehehe. Just read on and you'll get what I mean.
> 
> Enjoy!

_There’s a me without you_  
_But that’s not where I belong_  
_Through the waves of the deep_  
_And the storms of the sea_  
_I have you and you me_  
_We’re not too far gone_

 _So sing while we’re falling apart_  
_I’ll take you dancing_  
_We’ve lived through the wreck of our hearts_  
_And now we’re just picking up the pieces,_  
_Learning how to see when_

_Love is in the dark_

**_—_  Sleeping Wolf, The Wreck of Our Hearts**

...

 ****There are seven missed calls from Sam, two from Brainy and a single one from Kara.

Pouring herself an entire glass of scotch, Lena stands in the middle of her kitchen aisle. Her thoughts are a mess – a constant whirlwind of self-deprecating words and murderous intentions for the higher entity that somehow made all of this happen through Lizzy, an innocent child who crash-landed right in her backyard. Just fucking perfect, apparently. The scotch burns the back of her throat but it’s enough to keep her grounded – enough to remind her that for some painstakingly unknown reason, Kara Danvers is still part of her life. As Lena is in hers.

But now…

With the revelation that  _she_ is also Lizzy’s birth mother, they are not only a part of each other’s lives – they are now completely and utterly bound by human life, both created out of their genetic DNA, even if it is technically not theirs. She can’t expect to pack up her bags and leave quietly, with no Supergirl showing up at her door a day later. There’s no way Kara can ever let her go now. She doesn’t seem to be the type of person who lets people walk out on their own children, especially since she’s so…  _family oriented._ It’s perfect, really. God, she deserves this. Forced to parent a child with the person who lied to her, hurt her, and betrayed her.

Lena doubts that she has a way out of this situation, doubts that there’s even a chance there’s been a mistake. Technology never makes mistakes. But humans do. She’s living proof of it. It was a mistake to befriend a Super, a mistake to let herself work with the DEO, a mistake to allow Kara back into her life, even if it was for the sake of Lizzy…

 _Lizzy_.

Lena shuts her eyes. The thought of Lizzy now – where the child brought so much joy and light into her life in the few days that she’s known her, there only lies in a dull ache in her chest. The kind of ache that makes her think of her birth mother singing to her when she was a baby, of a younger Lex laughing as she defeated him in another game of chest, of Kara smiling as she brings with her Big Belly Burgers every time she visited Lena’s office.

The kind of ache that makes her think of ‘what-ifs.’

It’s nearing evening now. A few hours have passed since she left the DEO. Dinner is an unfortunate event of a Caesar salad she ordered from a fast food joint, which she can’t even be bothered to eat right now. Sam calls again. Lena glances at her phone once and shuts it off, letting herself be drowned in the silence of the house – the house that she’s barely even bothered to clean up after. She notes how fitting it seems – when Lizzy showed up, she brought along with her a tornado that has literally and figuratively fucked up her life all over again. When Lizzy showed up, she came with Kara’s spitting image, Kara’s necklace, and Kara’s symbol. 

Lena doesn’t think she can ever run away from her anymore. 

 _Little boxes_ , she tells herself, taking a deep breath and sipping another drink again. Recalling what she told Brainy so long ago, she imagines a scene in her mind’s eye where she packs up all of her internal feelings and puts them away into little boxes. One by one. Her anger. Her resentment. Her fear. This methodical process of disregarding her emotions helps settle her down a bit. 

That is – until the knock on the door comes. 

She stays quiet, wondering if it’s Sam or Kara, and doesn’t move a muscle. The knock comes again, louder this time, and she flinches at the sound. Jesus. Is she ever going to get some peace and quiet in this city? She debates just letting the person knock until they realize that they’re not going to be let in when a voice calls out, “Lena? I know you’re inside. I can smell the scotch from here.” 

Lena immediately recoils. “Alex?” 

“Yeah, I’m here.” Lena steps closer to the door, curiosity and surprise leading her there. She hears a shuffling noise, like Alex is shifting her weight. “I wanted to talk to you,” the Danvers says, “and maybe throw in a drink or two in there. It’s been a long day.” 

“Don’t you have other friends for that?” Lena grumbles, leaning against the wall adjacent the door. 

“I think you’re forgetting that you’re also my friend.” 

Lena’s heart quickens. “You’re only saying that because I’m technically you’re sister-in-law now,” she says spitefully, “If Kara sent you, I don’t want to talk –” 

“Kara didn’t send me,” Alex cuts her off, tone firm, “She wanted to talk to you after you left but I stopped her. Judging from your reaction earlier, I thought that you needed time to cool off. It must've been such a shock to you guys.” 

The raven-haired woman scoffs. “I don’t need your pity,” she spits out, her fury rising like a hot angry volcano inside of her, “I have plenty of it for myself. Just because there’s a baby involved now doesn’t mean that you can just show up here and try to talk me out of my anger for you both. So take your pity elsewhere and just  _go_ , okay?” 

"That baby is your daughter, Lena." 

An invisible grip closes around her throat. She squeezes her eyes shut and thinks of Lizzy — images of the baby giggling everytime she touches the woman's face, of her chewing on that goddamn toy despite how unhygenic it is, of her screaming bloody murder at 2 in the morning. Kara's daughter.  _Lena's daughter._  There's not even a man involved, which means that Lizzy is truly and utterly theirs. Fate is cruel, harsh and unrelenting — maybe she deserves this, after all. 

"I…" Lena doesn't know what to say that won't make her seem like a total ass so blinks away the tears in her eyes and settles for, "She's better off if I'm not around. I'm not fit to be a mother. I was even abandoned by mine."

"I think it would be extremely helpful if you could let me in so we can talk about this more," Alex notes dryly.

The alcohol in her system does little to fog her anger and judgement. "I thought you were upset with me," she says, remembering their frosty reunion earlier. 

"I am." Alex doesn't bullshit her, which is something that she appreciates, but it doesn't mean that it hurts any less. "You would be too if you saw how wrecked Kara was for the past few months but… anger  _fades_ , Lena. Just because I'm mad that you left without giving us an explanation doesn't that I don't miss you." 

"You miss… me?" Lena can't help the surprise that colors her tone. Incredulous, really. When she left National City, half of her thought that they'd barely notice she was gone. She thought that she meant nothing to them, since they all lied to her for so long without even thinking twice about it. But then here is Alex Danvers, the person who always put her sister first above anything else, reaching out to her after five months. 

Okay. The alcohol might be clouding her judgement a  _little_ bit. 

"We don't have to do anything too  _feelsy,_ if you want," Alex says helpfully, "Like I'm not here to beg for your forgiveness. What we did was unforgivable. But… it would really help Lizzy if we could talk things out. Plan our course of action. Like old times, you know?" 

 _Old times_ . Lena bites her lower lip and fights against the wave of nostalgia that threatens to overwhelm her. When Kara was not there for her, Alex was. Not as a replacement but rather as an extension to the family she found in her (ex) best friend. Even until now, even when everything’s so fucked up and she can barely think straight. Surely, Alex must think of her as selfish coward who left the minute things got too hard, who ran away from her problems with a bottle of scotch in hand, who is still running away  _now_ , when Lizzy showed up out of nowhere.

“We can talk about our theories,” Alex continues on, “about where Lizzy came from. I checked that box Kara sent the other day. You might want to hear this out.”

That’s the only reason why Lena opens the door. For Lizzy and nothing else. She finds Alex on the other side, wearing her trademark leather jacket and casual clothes underneath. In one hand, she holds a bottle of one of the more expensive scotch bottles out there and in the other, a paper bag that smells suspiciously of potstickers.

“Hiya, stranger,” she says, smiling softly.

“Director Danvers,” Lena mumbles in return, stepping aside to let her in.

“You and I both know that it’s Alex, Ms. Luthor.”

Lena just nods at this. She takes the scotch and the paper bag handed to her by Alex and leads her to the kitchen where she sat only minutes before. The older Danvers takes off her jacket and drapes it over one arm, looking around the place. It follows a similar motif from the apartment she has back in National City. The only difference is that this house has a few more personal touches that Lena has added over the years, like a family portrait of her and the Luthor family – Leonil, kind and gentle; Lilian, regal and graceful; and Lex with hair on his head and a spark in his eyes – and some books that she’s bought from around the area. When she got here earlier, she made sure to clean up so that she could keep her mind off things. It only half worked.

“Nice place,” Alex comments.

“You’re not here to admire my taste in furniture,” Lena grumbles, putting the scotch and paper bag away, “What did you find out about the message in the box?”

Alex doesn’t blink. Instead, she places her palms flat on the table and leans forward, matching Lena’s intense stare. Back to business. This is why Lena let her in, after all. “We did a voice recognition check on the message in there and had Kara repeat the same words and even just a few other things, so long as we got her talking. We did a final pattern analysis to see if we’d get a match. Everything fits. The voice, the speech patterns, the intonation. That person in the message – it’s really Kara.”

Lena groans. “As expected,” she mutters, “What about the box itself?”

“Made from normal earth minerals with a few Kryptonian details.” Alex hesitates suddenly. Lena raises an eyebrow at her, letting her know nonverbally that any withdrawal from the truth will lead to dire consequences. “Okay, fine,” the short-haired woman mutters, rubbing her eyes, “Under the box were a few Kryptonian symbols, one that we couldn’t actually read. So, after her visit to your office, Kara was asked to read it for us yesterday and…”

“And what?”

“It was written in Kryptonese. It had the House of El motto:  _El mayarah_.”

“Stronger together. That’s not surprising.”

“That’s not what I was talking about.” Alex bites on her thumb and just decides to rip the band-aid off. “Underneath the symbol were the words  _Luthor-Danvers family_.”

Lena blinks. At first, she doesn’t understand why Alex hesitated in the first place. Of course it would be written underneath the box in Kryptonian characters – the name of Lizzy’s supposed family. It was just confirmed earlier that she and Kara were the mothers. But then she thinks back to what Alex said ‘ _Kara was asked to read it for us yesterday_ .’ Yesterday.  _Yesterday_. A wave of disbelief rushes over her, rendering her cold and speechless for a few short seconds.

“Are you telling me that Kara knew that I was the second mother all along?” she demands heatedly, anger licking at the back of her throat. A part of her wants to scream at being held in the dark again while another just wants to finds Kara Danvers and scream at  _her_ face.

Alex gives her a firm look. “She didn’t believe it,” she tells Lena, “‘The mathematical probability of that  _ever_ happening in  _any_ universe is zero, Alex.’ That’s what she said.”

“She’s not wrong,” Lena says bitingly, still furious at this revelation.

The air in the room suddenly thickens with tension. Alex raises an eyebrow and moves to sit down on the stool opposite Lena on the kitchen counter. She doesn’t say anything for a while, which makes the raven-haired woman more than nervous. She  _hates_ not knowing things that involve her or directly affect her. The fact that Kara kept this vital information from her once  _again_  makes her so angry that she’s seconds away from throwing the perfectly good potstickers into the trash can. 

“Are you sure about that?” Alex asks seriously with a frown on her face.

“About what?” Lena returns the frown.

“The possibility of you and Kara never happening.”        

 _Seriously_? Lena might’ve scoffed if she isn’t so affronted by the words. She squashes down the thought she had before — those lingering feelings she felt when she and Kara first met, only for them to be crushed soon after. “Of course,” she says simply, “There is no possibility.” 

“In another world, there is,”  Alex whispers, her voice the softest Lena has ever heard.

Lena doesn't say anything for a while, too absorbed in thinking of the implication behind those words. After a moment, she shakes her head and reaches for her previously abandoned glass of scotch. "In another world, Kara never lied nor betrayed me," she mumbles.

Alex locks gazes with her. "So, in another world, if Kara never kept Supergirl from you, you think there'd be a chance you two might end up together?" 

"No, the possibility of that is close to zero," Lena automatically says even though she still can't help but think about it.  _In another world._  There are so many ways her life could've gone — her biological mom might not have died, Lex might not have gone crazy, Lilian might've loved her as her own — and she wonders if multiple versions of herself are living those lives. She wonders if they're happy. She wonders if she got the short end of the stick. 

There is definitely something damning about knowing that there are universes out there where she made the right choice and now lives a happy life. This is definitely one of those instances where knowing too much could definitely kill you or make you hate the rest of your life even. The only comfort she has for herself is the idea that perhaps those other Lenas hate their lives too. 

"I can't imagine a world where Kara would trust me enough to indulge me about Supergirl," Lena says snarkily, drowning the rest of her scotch in one go. 

"She trusts you with Lizzy," Alex points out. 

"That's because she doesn't have a choice." 

"Everybody has a choice," the short-haired woman says, waving her off dismissively, "She trusts you with her otherworldly daughter, whom I'm sure she's grown to love over the past few days. Before, I know this would've made your happy. Knowing that somebody you let in could trust you that much. Kara was your best friend, after all." 

Lena doesn't want to hear this. She turns her back on the director and twists the new bottle of scotch open. The smell of alcohol wafts through the air. Her throat starts burning, not as a reaction to the bottle but rather at Alex's words. She hates to admit that she's right but the sting behind her eyes and the burning sensation at the back of her throat tell her otherwise. Yes. God,  _yes_. If things were different, she would've been so fucking happy that Kara would let Lizzy into her arms as easily as buying her Big Belly Burgers. The thought saddens her and she feels herself physically deflate as the memories of her friendship with Kara flicker in her mind's eye.

"You said nothing too feelsy," she grumbles, keeping her voice level, "What else have you found out about Lizzy?"

"Two things," Alex responds, shifting in her seat. Lena sips her drink and puts it aside, turning around to face the agent once more. "One: she's a nuisance when you're not around. Wouldn't stop crying. Kara had to resort to showing pictures of you." 

Lena ignores this. "What's the second thing?"

"Two: she's definitely not part of this world." At Lena's questioning glance, Alex pulls out a piece of paper from her back pocket and hands it to her. The raven-haired glances and sees that it's a summary of their earlier findings. "She runs at a different frequency rate than we do," Alex explains, "While it might make her slightly unstable when she's in our world, it won't necessarily harm her. This is why she doesn't show up in all of our archives, therefore confirming the multiverse theory. Kara also said that there are at least 53 known Earths. Lizzy could've easily come from one of them." 

Something is nagging at the back of Lena's mind. "I need to clarify something," she says, her eyes scanning the details of Lizzy's genetics, "If she came from another world, wouldn't that make our — Kara and mine — DNA different too?" 

Alex already seems to have an answer. "Yes and no," she says, "While there is a possibility for that to happen, this other Earth must be really similar to ours. It just means that the universe Lizzy came from, you are still the daughter of Lionel Luthor while Kara is still from Krypton." 

" _Was_ ," Lena whispers without thinking. She meets Alex's eyes. "You listened to the message in the box, didn't you?" 

Alex nods grimly. "Lizzy's home planet was destroyed then." 

"I doubt the other Kara and I would've let her go without being certain that it was the only choice," Lena muses, folding and unfolding the paper bearing Lizzy's information, "I think something happened there that was…  _catastrophic._ " 

"Irreversible."

"Yes." Lena sighs, feeling a fresh wave of sadness wash over her. The destruction of a whole other Earth can definitely sour one's mood. "Unless we can travel there to make sure, I believe that Lizzy's going to be stuck here for a while now." 

Alex hums, drumming her fingers against the countertop. "What do you plan on doing about that?" she asks a second later. 

The thought of what to do next hasn't crossed Lena's mind. She was so busy trying to wrap her mind around the idea of her being a mother to a half human, half alien little girl that she hadn't thought of the details that would later pop out. Like where Lizzy would live or who would take care of her. Of course, Lena wants to help but even she doesn't know to what extent. It would’ve been fine if Lizzy was anybody but Kara’s daughter but she isn’t… 

“Where is she?” she asks Alex, her voice soft. 

“With Kara. They’re staying at Sam’s place for a while.” 

Lena knows what she has to do but she doesn’t want to admit to it yet. Alex, on the other hand, seems to know exactly what’s going on through her head. “It’s okay, you know,” the short-haired woman says slowly, like she’s talking to a rabid animal, “Everybody has an idea of what you’re going through. We hurt you in the worst way possible when you were beginning to trust us. You can take as much time as you need. I’m not going to force you.” 

The fact that Kara knew she was the mother a day before she did worms it way into her thoughts. Once again, she feels like a fool. Alex, J’onn and Brainy probably knew what the results were going to show when Lena and Sam arrived at the DEO and yet, they said nothing. 

“You should’ve told me the second you knew about my being Lizzy’s mother,” she snaps as she whips around, her tone cold and harsh against her own tongue; Alex flinches and leans back, “I don’t care if Kara didn’t think it was true. That was relevant information that you once again left me out of.”

“Lena, we didn’t know for certain —”

“But it ended up being true, right?” Lena lets out a humorless laugh, drinking her scotch and feeling the burn at the back of her throat. It stings. She feels nauseous. “Here I am, choosing not to see what was right in front of me all along. I should’ve learned Kryptonese instead of French.”

Alex lets out a harried sigh. “I’m sorry,” she relents, “We should’ve told you but Kara didn’t think you’d take it too kindly.”

“Of course I wouldn’t!” Lena snarls, squeezing her shot glass so hard she would have broken it, “How does she expect me to react? The fact that we share a daughter is bad enough but then she has to go withholding the truth about it too. Typical Supergirl behavior.” 

“This isn’t easy on her, Lena. Especially after everything that’s happened.”

The anger comes in harsher and stronger waves now, pulling Lena back into a sea of resentment and self-loathing. She remembers struggling in it for the past five months but now it feels like Kara is the one holding her down and drowning her slowly. It feels like Kara is the anchor that keeps her tethered to the sea, killing her. God, it hurts. Underneath all the mistrust and fury rising in her bones, it just fucking  _hurts_.

“She should’ve thought of that first before she lied to me for the past three years.” 

Alex rubs her eyes, letting out another sigh again. “I know that we never got the chance to explain,” she murmurs, looking like she needs a glass of scotch too, “but we were trying to look out for you, to protect you against anybody who would use Kara’s identity against you. Somebody did. Your brother. He said some things to you, didn’t he?”

Not a day goes by that Lena doesn’t hear Lex’s voice in her head.  _You have no one and nothing_. She doesn’t utter a single word anymore, turning her back to the agent and staring hard at the marble countertop. Silence. Alex seems to be sitting still, taking deep and slow breaths. Lena listens to her own heartbeat in her ears as her anger fades and all the tension in her shoulders slowly leave. 

“Kara never wanted this,” Alex says suddenly, shifting around in her seat. There are soft footsteps against the floor. Lena knows the older Danvers is moving to get up and leave. 

Lena doesn’t say anything, refocusing her attention on the remaining scotch in her glass. 

“The reason why she never told you about being Supergirl is because she didn’t want to lose you,” Alex continues from where she’s still standing behind the raven-haired woman, “Besides the obvious risks to your safety, she just can’t stand the thought of you — even the smallest bits of your heart — not trusting her. You meant everything to her, Lena. You still do.” 

The words threaten to break Lena’s resolve. She listens to Alex sigh for the last time and walk herself out the front door. She doesn’t slam it and Lena wishes that she had. At least then she’ll be able to feel something other than this gaping hole in the pit of her stomach, where a swirl of conflicting emotions continue to wage a war inside of her. She wants nothing more than to pack up her things and leave again — this whole entire week has left her a fucking mess. How can she ever look at things the same way again? How can she see Kara Danvers, the person she trusted the most, and not think of all the times Supergirl didn’t trust her? How can she not remember all the lies Kara easily told her? How can she not feel like an idiot for worrying about Kara’s safety when all along, she was probably the safest person in the entire city? It’s almost like a paradox she simply cannot wrap her head around and Kara’s presence isn’t helping. 

How the hell is she supposed to raise a kid with this person?

A text from her phone interrupts her thoughts. Lena realizes that she’s been standing still for nearly half an hour now. Her legs ache. A migraine is coming, relentless and heavy. She tries to ignore it as she reaches for the phone she left on the kitchen counter prior to Alex’s visit. There are a few messages from Sam that she’s left unread, two reminders from Jess regarding her conferences tomorrow and then lastly, a single text message from Kara. She might have deleted the number long ago but she can still recognize the digits. The message is crisp and straight to the point, which is unusual, because Kara usually texts the same way she talks — always rambling on about how her day went without realizing that periods exist for a reason.

 **Unknown Number (7:09 PM):** _Take all the time you need. I’ll stay with Lizzy — Kara._

Alex must’ve talked to her already. Lena runs her thumb over the screen, debating what to reply. She might’ve drank a bit too much tonight but she’s not stupid enough to write a really long rant listing why she and Kara will never be friends ever again, despite sharing a child together. A part of her even considers shared custody but that would only ruin Lizzy’s image of what parents are supposed to be like. Until she and Kara talk about this, she’s going to have to suck it up. 

Not now, though.  _I’ll be petty for a few more days_ , Lena thinks as she finishes her glass of scotch and doesn’t reply to the message, leaving it on Read at 7:10 PM. 

…

It takes an entire week. 

Lena hasn’t seen Kara nor Lizzy for the past seven days, taking her time to wrap her head around the situation and to come up with the best solutions. She gets her regular updates from Sam and asks her friend to send in the baby formula from her place into Kara’s waiting hands. As she does this, she continues on with work and finds joy in the idea that her blonde ex best friend probably hasn’t had a good wink of sleep in  _days_. It’s moments like these where she kind of hates herself for being so annoyingly trivial. Let her be petty — a part of her thinks that she at least deserves that.

It’s a Wednesday morning when Lena finally tells Kara her decision about her stand on what to do with their peculiar situation. There’s a knock on the door by the time evening rolls around in Metropolis City. Lena has mentally prepared herself during the entire week just for this, schooling her features into a hopefully neutral one and listening to the sounds of Lizzy blissfully crying Kara’s ear off outside her door. When she places her hand on the knob, she hesitates. 

Then she swings it open and lets Kara in. Kara who has Lizzy in one arm and a knapsack full of her belongings in the other. Lena locks eyes with the blonde, who gives her a sheepish smile, before she looks at her supposed daughter. Immediately, Lizzy stops crying in her mother’s hold and reaches out for her. Her big green orbs are filled with tears. 

“Hi,” Kara says, “It’s good to see you.” 

“There are three rules that you have to follow under this roof,” Lena quickly says in a business tone, taking Lizzy from Kara’s arms and stepping away from the threshold; Lizzy touches her face, giggling, “One: don’t forget that we are only staying in the same house because of Lizzy. It makes things easier for her and on us.”

“Okay.” Kara nods like a well-trained golden retriever.

“Two: you will not go into any of my personal rooms, like my office, my bathroom, my bedroom. You know that I enjoy my privacy.” 

“Okay.” Again with the nod.

“And three —” Lena whips around so that she’s glaring at the blonde, Lizzy still playing with her hair; Kara raises her hands in mock surrender, cracking a smile but looking serious at the same time. “ — you will never lie to me again, for as long as we both are involved with each other’s lives. Understood, Kara? And I mean it. Tell the truth on everything, no matter how stupid or useless it might be. So that I won’t have to worry if I’m making a fool out of myself again.” 

The smile on Kara’s lips used to be endearing. Now it just makes Lena distrust her even more. “You have my word, Lena,” the blonde says, putting her hand on her chest and tilting her head forward, “I will never lie to you again, for as long as we both shall live. You can trust me on that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still slightly confused, Lena asked Kara to move in with her after she let herself be alone for a week. And oh boy, expect a lot of drama and tension in the next chapter cause that will be fun to write. 
> 
> What did you think of Alex and Lena's talk? Comment down below! I'd love to hear your thoughts. And once again, thank you for the support that you've given me regarding this story. Means a lot!


	8. can we surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara moves to the center of the living room, picking up Lizzy's walker with one hand and setting it aside in a corner. "I'm planning to reach out to Barry," she says nonchalantly, "and ask him to take me to the Earth closest to ours." 
> 
> This surprises Lena. "You think you're going to find her parents?" she whispers, careful to keep her voice low. 
> 
> "We are her parents," Kara points out, "but yeah, it wouldn't be fair to take in Lizzy without making sure that the other me and you aren't looking for her. We wouldn't want to get too attached if that happens." As she says this, Lena notes her tense shoulders and the clenched fists before coming to an understanding. 
> 
> Lena shakes her head at her. "You're already attached," she says flatly. 
> 
> Kara fixes her with a look, not bothering to hide the sorrow behind her eyes. "Aren't you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I would like to thank everybody for the overwhelming support I got from the last chapter. Like yikes, I even saw a bunch of people fighting in the comments section which I think that I should clear out for a few seconds. Hehe. Anyway, Lena is one hell of a complicated character. Some of you would agree so. Even I struggle with writing her but I really wanted to show you guys the push and pull she feels from Kara. She's upset with Kara but at the same time, this is her best friend. You're going to expect a lot more confusion from her part, especially when there's a kid involved. So please, bear with her. I love her as much as you guys did but complete and utter forgiveness isn't going to be easy at all. 
> 
> Anyway, enough ranting. Enjoy this chapter!

 

 

 

_We let the waters rise_  
_We drifted to survive_  
_I needed you to stay_  
_But I let you drift away_  
_My love where are you?_

_My love where are you?_  
_Whenever you're ready_  
_Whenever you're ready_  
_Whenever you're ready_  
_Whenever you're ready_

_Can we, can we surrender?_  

**— Natalie Taylor, Surrender**

...

Lizzy is still, unfortunately, a nuisance when it comes to sleeping patterns. The first night, Kara paced back and forth in the living room, rocking Lizzy in her arms and singing a Kryptonian lullaby under her breath. The second night, it was Lena’s turn to try and lull the child to sleep. She followed Kara’s method, even though she’s not much of a singer which still proved futile since Lizzy apparently finds 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' a bad song, if her cries were anything to go by. The third night saw the two mothers so exhausted they could barely go through the hours without some caffeine but Lizzy still continued to cry. She’s not hungry, sick or tired. She just apparently likes to make life a living hell for both Kara and Lena. 

Kara is surprisingly an easy person to live with and therefore, not the catalyst for Lena's cranky mornings. She follows Lena's rules and steps out of her way whenever they bump into each other. However, she has a habit of cooking a buffet early at dawn and calling it breakfast. On the first day of their new arrangement, Lena woke up tired and grumpy because of Lizzy's screaming the previous night and found Kara in the middle of her kitchen wearing an apron while singing Kryptonian folk songs to the baby, who sat in her high chair clapping her hands and giggling. It was such a strange sight to see — not particularly an unpleasant one — that when Kara looked up and gave her a dazzling smile, Lena just grabbed a single piece of toast and left for work early. 

The following day, Kara minimized the size of her breakfast though it still could've fed five people. Lena, once again, left early, not wanting to be in the same room with the blonde. They haven't really sat down to talk about where they stand, only to discuss their living arrangements. It was decided that Kara could work on her articles in her own separate office at L-Corp, a fact that Lena initially found surprisingly because surely, National City needed their hero? Kara's only response to this unvoiced question was, "Dreamer's doing a good job in keeping the peace" though Lena suspects that she still sneaks out every now and then to travel back. God knows how many times the sound barrier has been broken during Kara's two week stay at Metropolis. 

Lizzy usually stays in Kara's office during the mornings and then transfers to Lena's after lunch, provided there isn't a meeting. The two mothers don't eat lunch together, like old times. Sometimes when Sam has the time, she alternates between the two. The other employees don't really think she's the mother due to Lizzy's strong resemblance after Kara but Lena still finds herself worrying about this. How on earth will the press react to this kind of news in the headlines? Lena Luthor was definitely not pregnant during the past few months and last she checked, you needed at least nine to give birth to a baby. Due to this predicament, she thinks of Lilian a lot more than usual and quietly wonders to herself where her stepmother could be and if she, too, is thinking of her. If this information would somehow be leaked, she wonders how violently Lilian would react and if Lizzy will be the last straw to an otherwise already strained relationship. 

The past few days have seen to it that Lena can only interact with Kara in the middle of the night when they're trying to sleep but Lizzy won't let them. After work, Lena usually takes Lizzy home while Kara flies to the DEO in search for more answers. It allows for minimal chances to be cornered by the blonde, which Lena made sure of. 

On Saturday night, after a particularly long day of testing out some protocols and Kara finishing some articles despite it being a workday, Lena lets Lizzy roam around the living room in her walker and just simply watches her. Kara is away with Alex at the DEO so it’s just the two of them. It's been a long two weeks. Her mind never stops thinking of the endless possibilities when it comes to the infinite Earths but for now, she allows herself to sit back and _relax._ She can start looking forward to Sundays now.

"Finally some peace and quiet," she mutters to herself, her eyes on the child. 

Lizzy's walker trips on her stuffed tiger all of a sudden and Lena springs into action, her nerves kicking into gear, as she rights the infant. The baby only laughs, her arms flailing around in the air. It's that moment of pure, unadulterated fear morphing into relief and fondness that it hits Lena flat on her face —

She's a mom. 

She's a mom to a beautiful baby girl who is so pure and innocent and oh God — _she's a mom._  

She's holding Lizzy in her hands, her heart rapidly thundering inside her chest and her thoughts running all over her head. A sense of dread creeps up the back of her spine and settles at the base of her throat. In some other Earth, she is responsible for this human being. But _that_ Lena isn't like her at all — _that_ Lena fell in love with Kara, married her and had a child. Children have never even been in her plans! The reality she has here isn't as put together as she'd like to believe. Besides, she's pretty sure that she's been a mess ever since her real mom died a long time ago. 

There isn't a good role model when it comes to maternal figures in her life.

What if, by default, she fucks it up all over again? Like she does with everything else in her life. 

Lizzy seems to be worried about the prolonged silence coming from her mother. She reaches out with one chubby hand and touches the raven-haired woman's chin. Lena flinches involuntary and regrets it immediately afterwards when Lizzy begins to cry.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, disentangling the child from the walker and letting her rest against her shoulder, "Knee-jerk reaction. It's not your fault." 

Lizzy mumbles a few nonsensical words, calming down. It's nearing ten o'clock now, which means that Kara usually returns around this time. She lets her mind wander as she paces back and forth in the living room, Lizzy apparently falling asleep if the silence is anything to get by. The baby is soft and small in her arms. A part of her thinks about their counterparts in the separate Earth and cannot imagine the pain and agony of putting Lizzy in that pod and sending her away. She wonders how long they held her before finally letting go. 

The sounds of boots landing softly outside the porch catches her attention. She turns her head and sees Kara sliding open the glass door cautiously. The sight of her always frazzles Lena. The blonde's blue eyes immediately lock on Lizzy. 

"Rough day?" she asks.

"Yeah." Lena looks away, afraid that if she allows herself to be comfortable around Kara's presence, all of her anger will melt. She's stubborn that way. "How was the DEO?" 

Kara moves to the center of the living room, picking up Lizzy's walker with one hand and setting it aside in a corner. "I'm planning to reach out to Barry," she says nonchalantly, "and ask him to take me to the Earth closest to ours." 

This surprises Lena. "You think you're going to find her parents?" she whispers, careful to keep her voice low. 

"We _are_ her parents," Kara points out, "but yeah, it wouldn't be fair to take in Lizzy without making sure that the other me and you aren't looking for her. We wouldn't want to get too attached if that happens." As she says this, Lena notes her tense shoulders and the clenched fists before coming to an understanding. 

Lena shakes her head at her. "You're already attached," she says flatly. 

Kara fixes her with a look, not bothering to hide the sorrow behind her eyes. "Aren't _you_?" 

It's the first time since their new arrangement that they've spoken without Lizzy interrupting them. Lena kind of wishes that she would right now. This is a conversation that she doesn't really want to have right now or _ever_ , in fact. No matter how much she thinks through, she doesn't think she'll ever be ready to take on a parental role like Kara has, who seems so natural. 

Lena sighs and doesn't respond, choosing instead to put Lizzy back in her crib upstairs in her bedroom. Kara doesn't follow. The precious moments they have to themselves is enough for Lena to brace herself. She can feel a confrontation coming and she wants to be prepared for it. After putting the baby down and watching her fuss for a bit, Lena thinks back to Kara's question. 

_Was_ she attached? To Lizzy, of course. After all, it was Lena who cradled the baby for the first time, it was Lena who fed her, bathed her, rocked her to sleep that first night, it was Lena who wanted to give her the best chance she had and exchanged her pride and peace for it.

But — she can't say she's attached to the idea of being a mother to a baby she's only known for two weeks. Unlike Kara, who seems to have jumped right in and embraced motherhood like it was second nature to her. Perhaps it is. Eliza is a good mother figure, after all. 

She's still in the bedroom staring down at Lizzy sleeping peacefully when Kara knocks on the door. "Hey," she says, looking tired. She takes into consideration the second rule Lena laid out before and waits just outside the edge of the room.

Lena wraps her arms around herself. "Hi," she says in return, her tone stiff.

"Mind if we talk?" 

Initially, Lena doesn't respond. It’s not the first time they’ve talked to each other since their falling out but it’s the first that Lena doesn’t immediately retreat back into her defenses. She thinks it has something to do with the sadness etched in the woman’s face. Every time she sees Kara tired or upset, some part of her stupidly battered heart always goes soft. She can’t help it. It’s almost second nature to please Kara Danvers with everything she has. Maybe that’s why she’s gotten so hurt in the end. 

“Okay,” she mumbles, rubbing the back of her neck, “I’ll make some tea.” 

It’s quiet again, as Kara follows her out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Lena doesn’t say anything as she prepares the hot kettle and readies mugs for the two of them. Something heavy hangs in the air, a realization that this will be their new life now — together as the parents to a little girl who deserves everything in the world — and an understanding that they can’t run away from it. It’s enough to damper one’s mood and Lena can’t help but feel as if she isn’t up for the task. It’s one thing to handle an entire corporation — another to be the guiding light of a child.

“Thank you,” Kara whispers when Lena hands her some tea. 

“When do you plan on visiting Mr. Barry Allen?” Lena asks, taking the opposite the stool adjacent from Kara. She sips her tea, slightly thankful that she isn’t drinking scotch late at night. 

“As soon as possible,” Kara answers. She grows quiet after that and Lena can’t help but feel like there are a million things in her mind. 

“Will you go alone?”

“Yes,” Kara answers, “Barry and I have faced far worse things than this.” 

Something dark clutches Lena’s chest at the thought of Kara going off alone with a man she’s barely even met but she ignores this and focuses on the warm tea rushing in her stomach instead. “That’s nice,” is what she says under her breath, still waiting for Kara to get straight to the point. 

Which she does, half a minute later. The blonde runs her finger along the rim of her cup and lets out a sigh so forlorn Lena worries that she might be hiding some sort of life-threatening illness. 

"Is this going to be permanent?" Kara finally asks. 

Lena raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” 

“This.” Kara gestures to the two of them and then to the bedroom where Lizzy slept. “Are we going to keep doing this until she’s all grown up or until we find her parents? Until when?”

“You’re not suggesting that we hand her off to somebody else, are you?” 

“Of course not.” 

“Then what seems to be the problem?”

Kara locks her jaw and looks away, mumbling something. Lena finds herself leaning forward. “What?” the raven-haired woman asks curiously. “What did you say?”

“The problem is us,” the blonde whispers.

Lena bristles. “ _Us_?” 

“We can’t go on like this,” Kara continues, shaking her head, “ _I_ can’t go like this —” 

“Like what, exactly?” Lena feels herself retreating back into her defenses and building her walls back up all over again. Kara must sense this because she looks at her, eyes wide and pained, as her lower lip wobbles. Something in the Luthor’s chest shakes at the sight but she tells herself to be strong. If she can’t let herself be strong, then what was the point of running away? What was the point of her isolation the past five months? 

“Like we aren’t friends —”

“That’s because we aren’t —”

“ _No_ . I refuse to believe that this isn’t something that we can fix together.” Kara shakes her head and clenches her jaw tight. “You said so yourself. We’ve been through worse scraps before. And I’ve been trying to talk to you for the past few weeks but you’ve closed yourself to me and I just can’t — Lena, you’re my best friend and I _need_ you to listen to me. Please.”

Lena bites her lower lip. “Since you took care of Lizzy for the past week while I was still trying to work out how I felt— _feel_ — about all of this,” she says, feeling a wave of guilt at the thought of it now, “I’ll give you five minutes to explain and I'll listen. That’s it.” 

Kara seems grateful for the small amount of time and reaches out to grab Lena’s hand. “Thank you,” she says, voice warm and sweet; Lena resists the urge to pull away.

"Your time is running." 

"I didn't want to lose you," Kara rushes, sounding panicky at the reminder of her limited time, "Ever since I met you, I thought you were this beautiful, kind-hearted soul who didn't deserve everything that's been thrown at you. Your mother, your brother, your name — _all of it._ That's why I _couldn't_ tell you because I was afraid you would lump me in with everybody else in your life who betrayed you. I didn't — I _don't_ want you looking at me like I was one of them." 

Lena looks at Kara under hooded eyes and finds the blonde wiping away tears with the hand she isn't using to hold hers. Her heart breaks, shatters and crushes into a million pieces. No matter how painfully angry and upset she is, the sight of Kara crying seems to pierce right through a chink in her armor and straight under her skin. 

"You've been opening yourself up to me," Kara continues, her voice shaking; her words are highlighted with slight sniffles, "and everyday since we've known each other, I had to live with this guilt in my chest. The more I got to know you, the harder it was to tell you about being Supergirl. And after what happened with Sam, when I let my fear of Kryptonite rule over my head instead of my trust for you, I just… I didn't think you'd… I knew you wouldn't trust me again." 

Kara's hand trembles under her own. Lena can't bring  herself to squeeze it for comfort. 

"Superman ruined your brother once," Kara says, "Because of this, I knew some part of you would never trust another Super again and I was right —" 

"Please don't compare me to Lex," Lena interrupts, finally pulling her hand away. Her body feels cold. 

"Of course not — you're better than him. You always have been." Kara bites her lip and takes a shaky breath. "You hate Supergirl. Because of this, I knew that you would be upset with me because you believe that I judged you on the very premise of your last name but it's not like that, Lena. It has never been like that." 

Kara takes off her glasses and rubs her eyes. Her voice cracks as she says, "I've wanted to tell you for so long but I just _couldn't_. I'm so sorry. I really am, Lena. And I'm so grateful that despite it all, you still agreed to take care of Lizzy with me. I just think that we need to move past that now, for the sake of our daughter." 

_Our daughter._ Another wave of guilt courses through her. She shuts her eyes and lets out a haggard sigh. For Lizzy. She is swallowing her pride for Lizzy. She is facing her fears for Lizzy. She is doing this — _everything_ — for Lizzy. 

Perhaps she can forgive for Lizzy too. 

Kara looks nervously at her, thinking to fill the silence with words. It takes Lena a few moments to realign what she knows and think of _Kara_ in front of her instead of her Kryptonian counterpart. "I know that you're upset about me being Supergirl but I—" 

"You have it all wrong," Lena says quietly, her voice barely above a whisper; she turns to Kara, eyes red around the edges, and unclenches her jaw; "I never hated Supergirl." 

Kara meets her eyes. "You didn't?" 

"No. I think she's this gorgeous, amazing super-powered woman who always put everybody else's needs above her own. Even if it's killing her." Lena looks away, feeling suddenly warm under Kara's intense gaze. "You think that I hate you for being Supergirl? Of course not, Kara."

"Then what's the —" 

"I hate you because after everything we've been through, you didn't trust me enough to tell me." Lena can hear it in her voice — the months of pain that she's had to endure alone and the anger that's built up over time. She whirls around to face Kara, tea forgotten and desperate for some scotch instead. Kara flinches. 

"You were right," Lena mutters darkly, "I _did_ open myself up to you. After being betrayed by everybody that I love, you might think that I'm foolish to do so. Trust has… _never_ come easy for me but I trusted _you._ I thought you were different. I thought there was somebody in this God-forsaken world who could look me in the eye and never lie to me about the important things. I would've understood if you didn't tell me after a few months but it's been _three_ years, Kara. We've fought bad guys together, we've been through so much, we both have nearly _died_ , and after all that time, you never trusted me enough with who you are?" Her throat closes in on itself, suffocating her. It feels a lot like a panic attack and she tries to breathe through it. "I… I keep thinking about every interaction we've ever had and I just… I try to figure out where I went wrong. I try to figure out what it is about me that you couldn't fully trust—" 

"I _do_ trust you, Lena," Kara cuts her off, her voice desperate and needy. 

"But not enough to tell me."

"I _couldn't_ —"

"Was it all a plan at first?" Lena asks, raising an eyebrow. "Befriend the disgraced Luthor daughter from the start? Use her for good so that she won't turn into the next Lex Luthor? Mock her behind closed doors? Which is it, Kara? Was all of this some kind of joke to you? Was _any_ of it real?"

" _Yes_ !" Kara yells, absolutely shaken, "Of course it was real! Our friendship means the world to me. _You_ mean everything to me." 

"All my life, I've grown up thinking that people only love you because they want to use you in the end." Ignoring Kara's prior statement even though the words fill a void in her heart, Lena sips her tea, suddenly feeling exhausted. "That's how I felt when Lex told me about you." 

Now, Kara looks furious. Good. She should be furious. "You can't just do that," she whispers,  voice trembling, "You've had your own fair of secrets too but I moved past that. You can't blame me for all of this."

"I'm not." Lena sips her now cold tea. "At most, I blame myself for choosing not to see it sooner. That's why I left. I was never good enough for you to trust, anyway." She thinks back to what Lex wrote in his journals — _Pathetic._

"You have always been good enough, Lena." Kara's voice is weary now, as if she's grown tired of defending Lena from how everybody else looked at her. She would be too. 

"I find that hard to believe under the circumstances," the Luthor drawls. 

"You've believed in me before, haven't you?" 

"A mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake before," Kara points out. 

"Then tell me, why didn't you divulge the fact that you knew I was Lizzy's mother?" Lena snaps, eyes flickering towards her. Kara straightens, lips pursed. "You kept that fact from me." 

"Would you have wanted to know from me?" Kara asks, raising an eyebrow, "Would you have even believed me?"

_Yes._ Lena doesn't respond. 

"I didn't think it was true," Kara continues, picking at her sweater, "The odds of you and I are ever happening… it's slim, right? Have you ever even _thought_ about it?"

_Once._ Again, Lena doesn't say anything. She drinks her tea and straightens her back. 

For some reason, Kara looks hurt. She breathes through her nose and clenches her fist. "It seemed impossible," she murmurs, looking away, "so I didn't think it was true. That's why I didn't tell you. But does it change anything? Lizzy came to _you_ in this Earth. She landed in your backyard because you're her mother and she _needs_ you. She needs both of us." 

Lena tilts her head at her. "Is this the part where you say we form a truce?" she asks bitingly. 

"Unfortunately, yes," Kara answers, reaching out and resting her fingers on Lena's arm, "We're her parents. It's not healthy to constantly be arguing in front of a kid. I'm not asking you to forgive me right away…" 

Lena stares at her. "But you want us to stay together," she fills, "That's why you asked if this was permanent." 

"Is it?" 

The unabashed hope in Kara's eyes makes Lena ache. She thinks about it — thinks of Lizzy growing up with two parents who love her even if they aren't really hers, thinks of giving Lizzy a life full of love and warmth that Kara can surely offer, thinks that this might be her chance… a chance for a new family… 

_Forgiveness, no matter how long it takes, is always going to be worth it._

"Okay," she says tiredly, "Like you, I want what it is best for our daughter. Staying together seems to be the better solution."

A rush of relief washes over Kara's features. "How long?" she asks. 

"As long as it takes." Until Lizzy's parents are found to be alive or until Lizzy grows to make her own decisions. The reality of the situation hits her then — she will be raising a child alongside Kara Danvers aka Supergirl. 

_A Super and a Luthor working together…_

The conversation seems to be over now. A deep tiredness in her bones pulls her to the direction of the bedroom so she moves to stand up and clean away her cup of tea. Kara immediately finishes hers within seconds and then waves Lena away from the dishwasher, telling her that she'll wash the two mugs. 

"Rest," she says to Lena, a hint of a smile on her lips, "You had a long day, remember?" 

Kara is far from forgiven but Lena can't help the rush of affection that shoots through her heart at the small gesture. Her stupidly foolish and battered heart has a way of always just _giving in_. She hangs her head and steps aside but before she can leave the kitchen, Kara suddenly grabs her hand and pulls her close. 

Kara's arms, when they wrap around her neck, feels like home. Lena almost gets a few words out but they quickly die in her throat. She feels frozen — catatonic, even. It takes her a few seconds to register what has happened and yet, her brain still has difficulty processing the rush of warmth that fills her bones from Kara's embrace. She can feel her — alive, warm and so _close._ Everything almost feels exactly the same. The smell of her shampoo, the weight of her arms, the breath against her ear. The only difference is that Kara is holding her _too_ tight, like she's afraid of letting go, and Lena, despite her brain screaming at her to push the woman away, lets her. There's a rapid heartbeat thundering against Lena's own chest and sniffles against the sides of her neck. It doesn't take her too long to realize that Kara is crying. 

It takes her a second longer to realize that she is too. 

Hesitantly, she brings her arms forward and wraps it around Kara's back, holding onto her shoulders. _Let me be weak_ , she thinks to herself, closing her eyes and breathing Kara in. _Just this once._

"I'm so sorry. It's just… I've missed you so much," Kara whispers against her ear, "I'm sorry for not telling you but I —" She stutters, her breath catching in her throat. "— I _promise_ you, I'm never going to let you leave again." 

Lena doesn't say anything. She fears that if she does, she'll break down all over again. So she breathes in through her nose, shakes her head and pulls away, hastily wiping away her tears. She can't bring herself to meet Kara's eyes. 

She knows that she'll hate herself for it. 

"Good night, Lena," Kara whispers. 

Lena turns and walks away. She stops by the corner leading to the upstairs bedroom and hesitates, not wanting to leave things unspoken. When she looks over at Kara, she sees that the blonde has stared cleaning the pots and mugs. 

"Good night, Kara," she murmurs, so quietly that she barely even hears it. She quickly leaves, missing the way Kara's lips twitch into a small smile. 

…

The next day, Lena heads downstairs and finds out that Kara and Lizzy are already at the dining table. Kara is reading the newspaper while drinking hot choco with one hand while Lizzy is actually holding up her own bottle of milk for once. The amount of food is still large enough to feed a small family — Lena stops suddenly, right on the bottom step. It hits her that _this_ is her family now. It might not be intentional; she and Kara might not even be bound by marriage or a civil union but Lizzy is theirs. 

_A_ _family..._

"Morning," Kara happily says, waving her over. Lizzy looks up and giggles, nearly dropping her bottle if Kara wasn't so fast enough to pick it back up and resume her seat. 

"She didn't cause any trouble?" Lena asks uncertainly; she had a good night's sleep last night which warrants for some questions. Lizzy never really lets them sleep. 

Kara snorts. "Please. She woke _me_ up at four. You were dead asleep." 

"You went into my room?" 

The blonde's mouth drops open at having been caught breaking the rules. Lena can't let herself be angry. There _was_ a crying child, after all. 

"It was only for a few nanoseconds," Kara says after a minute, giving Lizzy the stink-eye when the baby lets out a string of laughter. 

Lena shakes her head and takes a seat adjacent to Kara. The blonde looks so surprised by this move that she can only stare as Lena asks her to pass the pancakes. "Oh, fudge right. Sorry." She passes the said plate and gives Lena a wary look. "I just thought you had work to do. You never really stay over for breakfast." 

Nobody is more aware of that fact than Lena. She can only shrug one shoulder and pile two pieces of pancakes into her plate. She pretends not to see the charred edges around it. When Kara passes her the syrup without being asked to, Lena can't help the curt, "thank you" that goes along with it. 

"You don't have to work?" Kara presses again, raising an eyebrow at her. "You worked a lot on Sundays before." 

"I think there should be a new rule, don't you?" Lena retorts, glancing at Lizzy's bubbly smile. So much like her mother. She turns to Kara, trying to keep her face neutral as she adds, "No work or Superhero activities today. Sundays should be spent with Lizzy… and each other." 

The smile that Kara graces her is worth the pride and anger slowly chipping away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head's up! We're all going to see J'onn, Brainy, Alex and Sam next chapter. See you then and please keep commenting! Your comments really pushed me to post this chapter ASAP. Kudos to you guys!


	9. breathe again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There is nobody else, besides you and of course, Alex, whom she has fought for over and over again to protect. If she thought that keeping her secret from you would be the best choice to make sure you were safe then she probably would’ve carried it over to the grave.” 
> 
> The truth, big or small, is always going to sting. It stings Lena now — like a large ant bite straight to her heart. She remembers Kara’s words a few nights before Lex revealed to her that she was Supergirl. For you. That’s why I’m doing this. She shuts her eyes and hangs her head. “There was — is — nobody else more important to me than Kara. Other than Lizzy, of course,” she confesses, the words releasing a rush of pent-up relief inside of her. It feels good to admit it out loud. “Even though she hurt me, a small part of me still misses her.”
> 
> Sam nods understandingly. “Then why don’t you tell her that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is obviously going to be a lot of format errors since I'm posting this from my phone. I actually finished this last night but I was so tired lol. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy! I did a lot of research for this part but couldn't find the necessary sources. So I just decided to wing it. I don't really have the time and energy to catch up on all the four shows of the Arrowverse lmao. So take this chapter with a grain of salt. It's all artistic license from here on out. You'll get what I mean. 
> 
> Enough chitchat! Enjoy this chapter!!!

 

 _All I have, all I need, (she's) the air I would kill to breathe_  
_Holds my love in (her) hands, still I'm searching for something_  
_Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again_  
  
_I'll breathe again_

 _—_ **Sara Bareilles, Breathe Again**

**...**

When Lena wakes up on Monday morning at six o’clock, wanting to scream bloody murder at her alarm for not being considerate of her sleeping patterns when there’s a baby in the house, she expects to find Kara and Lizzy already in the kitchen with a considerable amount of food prepared. But she finds nothing except for a steaming cup of coffee in the middle of the table. Black, just the way she likes it. She takes a sip, careful to wipe any evidence that it has been drunk. Kara doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing Lena secretly appreciates the gesture.

Still, though. No absurd amounts of pancakes half-burnt at the bottom, or bacon dripping with cooking oil. It’s not that she was looking forward to breakfast or anything but she can’t help the small tinge of disappointment at the back of her throat as she moves around looking for the two blondes. What happened yesterday morning was a pleasant experience — it wouldn’t hurt to want to try it again.

Besides, she and Kara were up until three, trying to get Lizzy to fall asleep. Last night was sort of a confirmation that Lizzy is definitely a nocturnal half-Kryptonian child trying to ruin their sleeping patterns. She would _not_ go to bed, no matter how many songs Kara sang or how many times Lena tried to rock her.

On the second floor, Lena hears Lizzy’s unmistakable laugh and Kara’s tiger voice coming from the bathroom so she makes her way over and raps her knuckles against the door.

“Occupado!” Kara calls from inside.

“Why are you giving her a bath so early in the morning?” Lena questions, “It’s too cold.”

“The little _shitake_ had an accident.” How original.

“Do you need me to help?”

“Ah, there’s no need — ” There’s a splashing noise and Kara’s surprised yelp. “ _Okay._ She’s getting feisty. Do you mind grabbing the towel in here?”

Lena twists the doorknob open and steps inside the bathroom. The sight that greets her shouldn’t be so surprising, considering that Lizzy can’t even stand on her own two feet yet, but she finds herself pausing all the same. Kara is in the bathtub, wearing a grey tank top and boxer shorts, with the naked baby leaning against her knees. The stuffed tiger has also apparently joined them. Usually, when Lena gives Lizzy her bath, she does so in the sink to make it easier. Apparently, since this is Kara’s first time bathing her child, she must’ve settled on another alternative.

“Hi,” Kara says sheepishly, shooting her a grin; Lizzy, at the sight of her other mom, claps her hands excitedly and becomes entranced when foam bubbles fly off from her fingers. 

“There _is_ an available sink large enough for a small infant,” Lena shoots back and gestures to the sink to prove her point, “unless you also had an accident?” 

Kara gives her a look. “I just thought it would be more fun.”

“You do you, Danvers.” Lena grabs the towel from the shower rack and steps forward to take Lizzy from Kara’s arms. The baby leans into her and places two wet hands on either side of Lena’s face, giggling as she does this. Her green eyes are alight with mischief.

Kara pulls herself out of the tub and stands, dripping wet, next to Lena.

“Didn’t know giving her a bath would be such a struggle,” the blonde mumbles, chuckling to herself as she wipes off the water drops from her glasses. 

Lena can’t help but let her eyes wander. It’s kind of hard not to. “Out of curiosity,” she begins, lingering by the door, “when I asked you to the gym with me for a workout, you only went just to humor me, right? Because you _definitely_ don’t need the exercise.”

Kara raises her eyebrows in surprise and struggles to come up with a reply. “Well, er…I wanted to…” She clears her throat, blushing.

“Rule number three.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Kara admits, grabbing a towel for herself and avoiding the raven-haired woman’s stare, “but that’s not the point. I wanted to spend time with you then.”

“So, while I was struggling on the machine, you were just pretending to be working out as well?”

“I might’ve accidentally ripped out a chunk of it.”

“Hmph. Thought so. You barely broke a sweat.”

Lena leaves the bathroom and dresses Lizzy up in the clothes she and Sam bought on the first day. The baby, however, doesn’t seem to like her choice of apparel because she twists, turns and tries to crawl out of the comfortable, queen-sized bed and into the hard, wooden floor. Lena sighs, exasperated, and after a few attempts, finally manages to get her child into some presentable clothes.

Kara’s in the middle of the kitchen, leafing through the newspaper and eating a half-burnt waffle. At least she has more layers of clothes on. Lena notices that the coffee mug from earlier is still steaming. Since there are no cooking pans or dirty dishes, Lena guesses that Kara must’ve sped out of the house to grab a quick bite. She also suspects Heat Vision as the reason for her still hot coffee.

“Sorry about breakfast,” Kara says, “I ran out of time with the little one. Made you coffee, though.”

Lena waves her off with the hand that isn’t holding onto the baby. “It’s fine. I don’t really eat.”

Lizzy suddenly starts crying, sucking on her thumb and flinging her other arm. Kara puts down her newspaper, runs upstairs with a speed faster than a regular human being and returns with the still dripping tiger stuffed toy from the bathtub. Before she can use her Frost Breath to blow it off, Lena quickly grabs the animal and glares at the Super.

“You’ll end up freezing it,” she says, a hint of exasperation in her tone. Like mother, like daughter, apparently. “Just let it dry.”

“But she wants it.” Kara fixes her daughter a withering look. “The last time I didn’t give her the tiger, she threw a hissy fit.”

“That’s because you spoil her too much.”

“I _don’t_.”

Lizzy cries again, reaching for the tiger in Lena’s hand, and Kara flinches.

“No, you don’t,” Lena says sternly to her daughter, rocking her and putting the tiger away, “I just got you dried up and into good clothes. Can you pass me the formula?” She directs the last bit to Kara who immediately does as she’s told. Lizzy is then placed back into her high chair while she holds her own bottle, drinking greedily without stopping for a breath of fresh air.  The two women lean against the kitchen counter, watching their child. 

Lena sips her coffee and hums. “You still know how I take it,” she mutters to Kara, unsure how she feels about this fact.

Kara shrugs. “You’re the only person I know who takes it all black.”

Lena bites her lower lip and turns away. Of course. It’s one thing to delete Kara from her life and move out of National City — it’s another to _forget_ about her. Which Lena is pretty sure that she can’t. She thinks about their uneasy truce the other day. It’s a start, she guesses, but there’s no way she’s letting Kara off the hook that easily. 

Not after the past three years. 

“You’re a good mom, you know,” Kara comments offhandedly.

Lena nearly chokes on her coffee. “Pardon?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. Never in a million years did she ever think she’d hear those words directed to her. 

“Is it _that_ surprising?” Kara asks, inching closer, “You manage a multi-billion dollar corporation. Parenting is like that. Sort of. More or less, right? Except it’s with a baby who can barely make their own decisions for their first few years.” 

“ _Good decisions_  for most of their life,” Lena grumbles, feeling warm and cold at the same time. _A good mom,_  she thinks to herself, wrapping her fingers around the mug tightly. 

“You have a point.” 

There’s something in Lena’s chest that awfully feels like somebody’s just kicked her right in the heart. She imagines boxing away the array of emotions that go along with Kara’s words, wrapping it up with tape and then sealing it off into the deepest recesses of her brain. She drowns the rest of her coffee, even though the liquid stings her tongue. The caffeine kicks into gear. 

“You’re the fun mom,” she realizes. 

Kara laughs. Lena pauses and comes to her second realization: she hasn’t heard Kara laugh in a long while. It’s not surprising — the past few weeks have seen to it that things aren't exactly a laughing matter. It doesn't make her miss the sound any less. 

"Well, I _am_ already planning her birthday party," Kara whispers so the baby won’t hear. As if Lizzy even understands the concept of birthdays. 

The mood instantly changes. Kara's expression shifts into a somber one. Lena runs a finger around the rim of her mug, silent as ever. Something unspoken falls onto them — the idea of planning events involving Lizzy for the future is a wretchedly reckless thing to do. Especially since Kara's plan to visit the parallel Earth has yet to yield any results. Perhaps Lizzy can return to her real parents by next week. Lena doesn't know how to feel about that. 

Lizzy dropping her bottle on the kitchen floor breaks the tension. Thankfully, it's made out of plastic so it doesn't shatter. She seems to be demanding attention again. 

"Have you wondered why she isn't displaying any powers yet?" Lena asks, picking up the bottle and pulling the baby into her arms. She pats Lizzy’s back to get her to burp.

Kara moves to grab a few more bottles of formula from the refrigerator and stuffs it into her bag. "I'm guessing it's only because she's half Kryptonian. Maybe it'll kick in by puberty." 

"But her skin is already as thick as steel." 

The blonde thinks about it, grinning when Lizzy finally lets out a short burp. "Reflexes," she decides after a moment, "That's the only thing that makes sense." 

Lena nods. She passes the baby into Kara’s waiting arms and excuses herself to take a shower. As she leaves, she hears Kara peppering Lizzy with kisses all over her cheeks and mumbling, low enough for Lena to just make out the words, “I’m still throwing you a birthday party, kid. Don’t forget that.” 

…

Ruby grins up at Lena. “Does this mean I have a sister now?” she asks as she rocks the bundle of joy in her arms. “Cause I’ve always wanted to have one.” 

“Dear Lord,” Sam mumbles under her breath while Lena struggles to keep a straight face.  

“I’m not sure if it’s permanent yet,” the CEO hesitantly answers, going over the papers laid out in her desk and not understanding a word of it. She thinks of Kara, who’s in her office already discussing with Alex the possible dangers of traveling universes. The older Danvers sister came with Ruby in tow after apparently enjoying a whole morning of catching up at the zoo. Alex always had a soft spot for the young Arias. 

Lizzy likes Ruby. That much is obvious with the way she keeps tugging at the teenager’s blue-colored extensions and laughing when Ruby tickles her sides. The sight of the two children is enough to warm anyone's heart and Lena finds herself getting distracted from the oh-so-important paperwork she has to deal with.

Ruby glances at her. “Why not?” she asks, frowning, “Isn’t she yours? Kara told me that much.” 

Lena sighs. Of course Kara did. “Yes and no,” she says, “Lizzy is… well, it’s complicated.” 

“She’s the daughter of you and Kara in another universe,” Ruby states, straightforward, “I get why it’s complicated but she is still technically yours.” Lizzy gurgles, as if agreeing with her.

“Honey, maybe you and Lizzy should go visit Kara in the other room,” Sam suggests, wrapping an arm around Ruby’s shoulders and leading her outside. Lena is grateful for the gesture since she’s not entirely sure if she can face any of the questions even she doesn’t know the answers to. 

Ruby fixes her mom with a look, adjusting the baby in her arms. “Are you guys going to have an adult conversation now? I _am fourteen_  — am I not allowed to be a part of it? Besides, I’m pretty sure Lizzy can’t understand words yet.”

The chuckle that slips out of Lena’s lips is ignored by Sam who practically shoves Ruby out of the room and into Kara’s office adjacent to this one. Then the brunette shuts the door, locks it for good measure and heads over to the chair in front of Lena’s desk. There’s a pause, a moment of silence for the Luthor to think of how much information she’s going to divulge, before Sam raises an eyebrow and waves her arms around, almost as if to say ‘ _well_?” 

“What?” Even though Lena already knows what she’s going to say. 

“How is everything?” Sam asks, rolling her eyes dramatically, “I was half tempted to come visit, just in case Kara went missing but I figured you’d be in the middle of burying a body by then.”

“You’re hilarious —” She really isn’t “— Has anyone ever told you that?” 

Sam just smiles. Lena makes a point of flipping through dozens of paperwork before she sighs and shuts them away. “Everything has been the same since the last time you asked,” she mumbles, “so there’s really nothing to update.”

“ _Liar,_ ” Sam accuses lightly, “I can tell when something’s different with you, Ms. Luthor.”

Curse those motherly instincts. Lena has never found a way to effectively hide the truth from one of her closest friends. “And what _is_ different about me, Ms. Arias?” she shoots back, raising a dubious eyebrow.

“Something.”

“How eloquent.”

Sam rolls her eyes again, gesturing at her. “You seem… _lighter,_ ” she settles with a hum, tilting her head to the side, “When you and Kara showed up earlier, it was as if you guys were in… sync? Like there was no tension in the air. I think I even caught you smiling once or twice, which is a very rare occurrence. I honestly thought _I_ was in the other universe.”

The thought disturbs Lena more than she’d like to admit but she hasto relent. “You could say that we had a talk the other night,” she confesses, shifting her chair so that she can glance at the skyline of Metropolis, “We formed a truce for Lizzy. It was all very anticlimactic.”

“The things we do for our children,” Sam remarks.

Lena nods. “Yeah,” she whispers, thinking of the fact that Kara called her a good mom.

“Do you think you’re going to forgive her soon?”

The question is not unexpected, even though it’s the first time Sam asked. Lena has been thinking of it more nowadays. It’s not like she can just stay mad and petty at Kara for the rest of their lives, especially in the event that they’re really stuck with Lizzy. God knows the emotional trauma that child has to go through. She also thinks about how if she is ever to forgive Kara, she’d want to do it for her own sake, not just for Lizzy’s.

“I don’t know,” she answers because she really doesn’t. They opened a can of worms the other night and barely managed to shove everything back to where it belongs. She doesn’t want to think about forgiveness right now, even though it is getting easier to breathe with Kara around. She supposes that she was never really able to breathe without her in the first place.

When Sam looks at her, it’s with an understanding smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Surprisingly, Lena does. She lets out a harried sigh and rubs her temple. “Okay. You might think that I’m stupid for holding a grudge this long…”

“I really don’t, Lena. I get it.” Sam glances at the door before leaning forward and whispering, “I would be totally pissed if my best friend kept something like _this_ for three years.”

“Exactly!” The relief in Lena’s bones is unimaginably light. For the past few months, she and Sam rarely talked about Kara so it’s nothing short of delightful that her sentiments can be understood. “I mean, I’ve been with Supergirl and Kara in the same room so many times in so many instances and she never once showed any signs or hints that she was practically the same person.”

Sam tilts her head to the side, lips pursed. “Has it ever occurred to you that some part of you knew but you just didn’t want to admit it? I mean, come on, the glasses barely do much.”

Lena doesn’t have to think too hard about it. “Yes,” she admits, although unwillingly. _Denial is a powerful thing,_  Lex’s voice whispers in her ear.

“Why?” Sam asks, genuinely curious.

“Because…” All of the reasons that she’s thought of for the past several months suddenly sound stupid. _Because Kara and Supergirl are so different, because Supergirl crossed the line so many times, because Kara was my first best friend…_ Admitting to the truth of Kara’s secret identity would mean that there were instances in which Kara distrusted her or disapproved with her choices. It would mean that her actions had dire consequences to their friendship. It would mean that her best friend — the person she trusted most in the entire city, perhaps the entire world — had reason not to trust her.

The Luthor name has never felt so heavy than it does in this moment.

“Because I didn’t want it to be true,” Lena finally admits, letting out a defeated sigh, “It all boils down to me. I don’t care if she’s Supergirl. I care about the fact that she’s my… _was_ my best friend.” She pauses, mulling it over. “There is no bigger fool out there than me. I spent all these months resenting Supergirl because she didn’t trust me and then thinking Kara would always be the one to support my decisions. To have those two incredibly different people clash and suddenly end up being the same person… it’s bound to make anybody go a little crazy.”

Sam questions, “ _A little_?”

Lena shoots her friend a glare. “Careful,” she warns, “I’m still your boss.”

“Sorry.” Sam doesn’t look sorry at all, leaning forward and taking a hold of Lena’s hand. “But I get what you’re trying to say. You showed the deepest and darkest parts of yourself to Kara and for you to find out that you’ve also been talking to Supergirl, somebody you’ve had to trust despite the messy history between you two… it’s definitely a lot to deal with.”

The tension in Lena’s shoulders slowly deflates. “Thank you,” she whispers, “This means a lot.”

“But,” Sam begins, squeezing her fingers, “I also see Kara’s side of things. You didn’t take it too kindly when she realized you were conducting Harun-El experiments, remember? That really soured a lot of things and I’m sorry for playing a part in that.” Before Lena can tell her off for even apologizing, Sam shakes her head and implores her to listen. “Hear me out, okay?”

Lena desists, nods. “Okay.”

“I still have memories back when I was Reign,” Sam tells her earnestly, voice shaking at the dreadful reminder, “and I remember Kara asking me to… let you go when I was hurting you. She wanted to take your place and keep you safe.”

Lena faintly remembers this. _Take me instead_ _please,_ Supergirl had said.

“There is nobody else, besides you and of course, Alex, whom she has fought for over and over again to protect. If she thought that keeping her secret from you would be the best choice to make sure you were safe then she probably would’ve carried it over to the grave.”  

The truth, big or small, is always going to sting. It stings Lena now — like a large ant bite straight to her heart. She remembers Kara’s words a few nights before Lex revealed to her that she was Supergirl. _For you. That’s why I’m doing this._  She shuts her eyes and hangs her head. “There was — _is_ — nobody else more important to me than Kara. Other than Lizzy, of course,” she confesses, the words releasing a rush of pent-up relief inside of her. It feels good to admit it out loud. “Even though she hurt me, a small part of me still misses her.”

Sam nods understandingly. “Then why don’t you tell her that?”

“Because I _can’t_ let myself trust her again.” Lena’s response is quick and sharp. It almost feels as if somebody has snapped their fingers in front of her face, reminding her of the stark reality she lives in. Best friends can betray you too. “If I do, I’ll get hurt again. That’s the last thing I want out of this situation.”

The brunette sighs and releases Lena’s hand. “I’m not forcing you to forgive anybody yet,” she amends, standing up, “but you can let yourself _feel_ , Lena. No good will come out of boxing away your feelings. Don’t deny it — Brainy told me about your little coping mechanism.”

The CEO shuts her mouth and shares in her own sigh. She stands up and follows Sam out of the office to where they can hear Kara and Ruby playing animatedly with Lizzy in the other room. “Besides,” her friend later adds, shooting her a grin, “you are technically married to Kara. You can’t spend your whole life hating your wife.”

“She’s not my wife.” To Lena’s own ears, it lacks its usual bite.  

Sam’s grin turns knowing. “In another world, she is.”  

...

The following night, Kara is due to visit Barry Allen. To say that Lena isn’t the least bit worried for the Super is a lie. She can barely focus through her work without thinking about the possibility of what Kara might find in the other Earth. Some part of her wishes Lizzy’s real parents are still out there so that whole situation regarding Lizzy can get a little less confusing. Another part of her just _knows_ something bad has happened and berates herself for getting her hopes up. Hope is a double-edged sword, after all.

Lizzy seems to be having the same sentiments. She hasn’t stopped crying ever since they left L-Corp a little over an hour ago. Even though Kara keeps shushing and hugging her, Lizzy continues to sob. Lena’s embrace doesn’t help much. Neither does the appearance of the child’s favorite stuffed tiger.

“I’ll be back,” Kara whispers to her daughter when the private car drops them off to the DEO. Lizzy calms down and whimpers, trying to curl her fist around her mother’s glasses but Kara just smiles and pulls back. “I won’t be gone for long.” 

Lena has to look away. 

Inside the DEO, the temporal portal to Barry Allen’s universe or Earth-1, as Kara later describes, has already been prepared by Alex and Brainy. J’onn is outside the main operations room, talking to somebody on the phone. Lena glances at him and he gives her a little wave. 

“I still think I should come with,” Alex tells Kara, looking every bit the worried older sister that she is. 

“The DEO needs their director,” Kara retorts, still rocking Lizzy in her arms. 

“Yeah, but —” 

“No buts.” 

Alex looks furious for a split second before she relents. “Can’t you just… How about Brainy then?” she asks, glancing at the alien. “He might be of some use on the other side.”

Before Brainy can even open his mouth, Kara is already shaking her head. “It’s fine, Brainy,” she says, dazzling smile in place, “ _I’ll_ be fine. I have Barry with me and of course, my suit.” 

“Your suit?” Lena asks out loud. 

All three of them turn to look at her. Alex gives her a firm nod while Brainy wiggles his fingers in a sort of wave. Kara smiles nervously as Lizzy reaches forward for the raven-haired woman. 

"Yeah," Kara says, "The one that you gave me." 

"Oh." Lena didn't think Kara would keep it. Warmth fills her bones at the thought and she blatantly ignores it. "That's good. It will protect you from most of the deadly substances found on Earth, especially Kryptonite." 

“Yeah.” Kara passes Lizzy into Lena’s waiting arms. “Thank you.” 

Lena shouldn’t be worried. Kara has probably done this multiverse hopping so many times now. But still, she can’t ignore the ball of anxiety at the base of her throat. It’s one thing to pretend to be fine on the outside, it’s another to actually believe it for herself. Lizzy wraps her tiny little arms around her neck and Lena leans her cheek against her head. “She’ll be back, darling,” she whispers. 

As Alex and Kara once again argue about the Kryptonian’s safety, Brainy steps close to Lena and gives Lizzy a skittish glance. “I hope your daughter doesn’t develop an affinity for biting 12th-Level intellectuals,” he says, showing off his hand that has already healed, “I had to get some stitches.” 

“I assure you, she isn’t some rabid animal.” As Lena shifts Lizzy in her arms, she realizes that she doesn’t really know how to act around Brainy anymore. It’s been a long time since they’ve last talked. Some of her advice probably didn’t work on him. 

"Of course not." Brainy looks at her like he's scanning her. Lena knows the feeling of being read all too well. "How have you been?" 

"I've been good," she answers, her tone stilted. _Little boxes, comrade._

Apparently, his social skills must’ve improved the past few months because he just nods and gives her a soft smile, understanding her need for space. 

“Perhaps we can talk some other time,” he promises, “You look like you have a lot on your mind.” 

“Thank you,” Lena says quietly and Lizzy twists around in her arms to give the alien an inquisitive look.

“No biting, kiddo,” Brainy half-scolds, pointing a finger at her. With a speed faster than any normal human baby, Lizzy grabs hold of the said finger with her entire fist and Brainy nearly stumbles back in an effort to get away. Thankfully, Lena manages to hold him upright. 

Lizzy laughs and lets go. Brainy immediately backs up. “Your daughter scares me, Lena,” he admits, looking flustered. He goes back to Alex and Kara. 

Left alone to their own devices, Lena watches Kara from the corner of her eye. Lizzy seems to be falling asleep on her shoulder so she keeps rocking her, even though her arms are starting to tire. They’re waiting for J’onn to finish with his phone call before Kara can travel to the next dimension so the minutes that go on just adds to Lena’s growing nerves. 

Kara will be fine. She is Supergirl, after all. It’s not like she isn’t invincible. It’s not like this is the first time she’s done this. It’s not like she hasn’t emerged victorious after every single battle she’s been through. God, Lena’s wasting her energy on worrying about this. She turns away to face the wall, not wanting anyone to see the worry in her eyes. 

There’s a tap on her shoulder. She turns and jolts, effectively waking Lizzy up from her small nap. Instead of crying, the baby raises her bleary eyes and smiles at the sight of Kara wearing her new and improved Supersuit — the one Lena gave to her back at the Stryker's Island Penitentiary. She remembers Supergirl’s — _Kara’s_ — look of gratitude at the sight of the gift. 

It’s the first time Lena’s actually seen Kara wear the suit. It looks… _good_ on her. She hasn't activated the helmet yet so her blonde curls spill over her shoulders in cascading waves and plays a shocking contrast to the combination of the black, red, and blue. Honestly, it shouldn’t be surprising. Kara could wear a toupee and still look gorgeous.

“Hey,” the blonde says, smiling at her and Lizzy.

"Hi," Lena says in return. There's an awkward pause. 

Lizzy breaks the silence by giggling, her hands reaching out and slapping the _S_ crest on Kara's suit. The two women share a look, amused by the baby's excitement. 

"Think you can handle her by yourself?" Kara asks, gently taking Lizzy back in her embrace. The baby seems to be surprised by the lack of glasses because she stares, dumbfounded, at her own mother. The blonde's smile widens. 

Lena bites back a comment. _Takes after me,_ she thinks to herself. 

"I'll manage," she answers, shrugging, "You _did_ take care of her for a week. Guess it's my turn." 

"You can always call Alex or even J'onn for help," Kara suggests, "I'm not sure about Brainy since he's still pretty cautious around Lizzy…" 

"We'll be fine." Lena fixes her with a look. "Will _you_ be, though?" 

Kara glances back at the temporal portal. There's a slight furrow between her eyebrows that would go unnoticed by somebody who didn't know her as well as Lena does, even though she really isn't sure if she _does_  know Kara that well. It's the kind of look Supergirl wears everytime she worries about some villain attacking National City. Now it's reflected back at her. 

"Don't lie to me," Lena orders firmly, her stomach swooping. If Kara is worried… 

The blonde sighs, rubbing Lizzy's back soothingly. "I'm just worried about what I'll find," she admits, biting her lower lip, "or what I _won't_ find." 

Lena doesn't have a good enough response for that. She worries alongside her. There are countless possibilities that might happen while Kara is on the other Earth, most of them not good. Since Lena has always been pessimistic, she doubts that any signs of Lizzy's real parents will turn up. It's a bleak realization so she doesn't share her views with Kara.

"You should take this," Lena says, stepping forward and unclasping Lizzy's necklace from around her neck. In another world, this was once Kara's. "Just in case you'll find something." 

Kara closes her fist over the blue stone and nods. "I'll be back before you know it," she promises, blue eyes wrinkling around the corners with her infectious smile. 

Lena chews on her lower lip. "Just be back before Sunday," she grumbles. 

When J'onn finally finishes his call and steps back inside the room, Kara quickly presses a kiss on Lizzy's forehead and deposits her back into Lena's arms. She lingers, as if contemplating whether or not to hug Lena again, but Lena makes the decision for her by stepping back and nodding. Alex and Brainy take their place by the control panel, eyes fixed on the portal. J'onn gestures for Lena to stand by them in the corner of the room. "The magnetic pull from different Earths is strong enough to suck you in," he says, "We wouldn't want that to happen." 

Lena nods understandingly, keeping her grip on Lizzy firm and her eyes locked on Kara. Walking in front of the portal, the Super pulls Lizzy's necklace over her head and activates the helmet, shielding her face from view. When Kara glances at the side of the room where everybody else stands, Lena somehow knows that she's looking directly at her and Lizzy. 

J'onn gives the order. Brainy presses a button and the portal whirls into life. Lena watches as the energy from inside the machine grows with each passing second, lifting a few light objects around the area and pulling them in. Blue light fills the room, blinding and crackling with electricity. A loud humming noise fills the air. J'onn reaches out and grabs onto Lena's shoulder to keep her steady. Just in case.

Kara readies her running stance, her arms locked in position by her sides. Lizzy starts whimpering as the machine grows louder and louder, each steady hum reverberating through the air. But Kara doesn't go in. Not yet. 

Lena knows that she's waiting for the signal. Yesterday, she explained that Earth-1 was the central point of the multiverse. If you wanted to get anywhere, you had to go there first. What Kara is waiting for is the exact frequency of Barry's Earth to show up on the radar so that she won't get lost along the way. She waits, poised like a runner in the Olympics and Lena's heart rate quickens. 

Suddenly, Alex yells, " _Now!_ " and Kara springs forward, jumping at the last second and flying straight into the portal. Lena shields Lizzy's eyes from the machine and closes her own. There's a blinding flash of light and a loud _whoosh_ noise. She hears Brainy shut off the machine. Silence returns. 

When they all glance back to where Kara stood, there is nothing. Alex lets out a long sigh. Brainy and J'onn share grim looks. Lizzy starts crying against Lena's shoulder. 

It's going to be a long week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the pronouns to the Sara Bareilles song.
> 
> So yeah, I honestly don't know how Kara transports herself to Barry's universe and if the DEO actually has a temporal portal. But meh, just work with me okay? It's all for the story. Artistic license. 
> 
> Anyway, I saw some people asking for Kara's POV. Spoiler alert: you're not going to get it. Sorry. It's just — I like the added layer of mystery. Like Lena has no idea what Kara is thinking about and you'll see why that's going to be important later on in this story. 
> 
> Once again, please comment! Your words are always a joy to read and keeps pushing me to work on better ideas. Thanks guys! See you next chapter!


	10. the place i need to find

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J’onn says, “They’re a good team. It also doesn’t surprise me that they’ve found themselves in this baby situation. Even if Lena is still upset with Kara.” 
> 
> Lizzy makes a soft noise of protest, one that immediately catches Lena’s attention. She peeks in further from where she stands around the corner of the living room and sees the child reaching for a picture in Alex’s phone. Alex hands it to her. 
> 
> “I don’t think Lena can stay mad at Kara forever,” the woman states, “They care about each other too much for that.” 
> 
> J’onn hums. Lena listens, heart pounding in her chest. “Perhaps,” he agrees, “but let Lena be angry. She has every right to be upset at Kara or even at us.” 
> 
> “We were just doing our jobs. Keeping the identities of aliens safe. Protecting civilians. Managing the peace.” 
> 
> “You and I both know that Lena is no longer just a civilian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry if I was late in posting. I was adjusting to my workload in my new job. Please don't tell my boss that I write fanfic during my free time lmao.
> 
> Anyway, I'm still loving the response from you guys regarding my previous chapters. I love how some people are like, "Lena just forgive Kara already pls!!!!" while the others are just like, "Dude, I hope Lena won't let Kara off the hook." It really shows how dynamic you guys are as readers. Anyway, I also had a lot of ideas from the comment section so you'll might see some of them in the future *wink wink* 
> 
> Enough talking! 
> 
> Enjoy!

_Sure as stone on mountaintop_  
_True as bird in sky_  
_You're the needle pointed north_  
_When I'm lost in the fight_  
  
_So if you call in the night_  
_If you cry, cry_  
_If you call my name_  
_I will fly, fly to your side_  
_'Cause you're the place I need to find_  
  
_To remember the light_

 _—_ **Tommee Profitt & Fleurie,** **Remembrance**

...

The first day without Kara, Lena only sleeps for three hours. 

She comes to work with a still crying Lizzy in tow, hair barely brushed and coffee stains all over her suit jacket. Jess immediately stands to take the child from her arms so that Lena can sign the important papers she needs to get out of the way. She’s been so used to Kara sweeping Lizzy into her office that when Jess returns the baby back into her grasp and leaves for her desk outside the room, she doesn't know the first thing to do. 

"Jess," Lena calls, rocking the now whimpering Lizzy against her hip; her loyal secretary appears and stands, waiting for instructions. "What does Kara usually do with Lizzy while she's working?" 

Jess's expression is a mixture of confusion and amusement. "From what I've seen, Ms. Danvers just juggles the baby in one hand while the other types on her computer." 

"Oh, how fortunate."

"Yes, not all of us are gifted with super strength," Jess notes dryly. 

Lena pauses, whipping around with her mouth slightly agape. It occurs to her that in all the years she's known her, Jess hasn't said a word about the sudden appearance of Lizzy or why Kara has returned amidst all of the chaos. After what happened with Eve, it puts Lena on edge. 

"What did you say?" she asks, a nervous tinge to her voice. 

"My apologies, Ms. Luthor," Jess says, bowing her head and looking truly sorry, "I've seen Ms. Danvers displaying a multitude of powers and didn't tell you about it. I had a feeling that you already knew." 

"Not you too," Lena grumbles, rubbing at her eyes as she deposits the baby onto the couch, "How long have you known?" 

Jess nervously wrings her hands. "About Ms. Danvers being Supergirl? Truthfully, I figured it out a few years ago — I believe it was around the time I noticed her using her powers to heat up the coffee she bought you." 

Brilliant. Not only did Lena not know about Kara being Supergirl for the past three years but nearly everybody else in her vicinity did. She huffs out a breath and takes a seat next to Lizzy. A frown finds its way onto her face. She gestures for Jess to take the seat on Lizzy's other side. 

"I believe you already know the importance of keeping that secret intact," she begins, running her fingers down Lizzy's spine; the baby giggles at her touch. 

Jess nods seriously. "I am well aware." She hesitates all of a sudden, her eyes flickering over to where Lizzy sat next to her. "But I do have a few questions…" 

"You've figured out Kara's secret identity. Surely, you have a working theory as to why I'm suddenly taking care of a child," Lena points out. She isn't as upset as she thinks she should be. Kara didn't tell Jess about her identity; the woman isn't as blind as her. In fact, in all honesty, Lena just feels exhausted. Three hours of sleep and two cups of coffee isn't working miracles for her right now. 

Still — she needs to know what Jess knows. 

The secretary shrugs. "I know that Lizzy here is your daughter. As she is Kara's. It's the _how_ that I don't have an answer for." 

"Two women can have a baby together. It's a progressive century, after all," Lena remarks. 

Lizzy crawls into Jess's lap and plays with the lapels of her business suit. A smile replaces Lena's earlier frown. 

"Of course I know that," Jess says, wrapping a hand around Lizzy’s back, "It's just… I've barely seen or heard from Ms. Danvers for the last five months. Your on-the-spot decision to move back to Metropolis made me believe that you were no longer on speaking terms. But then, you show up to work one day with a baby and Ms. Danvers not far behind. When did she get pregnant?”

Lena blinks. It hasn’t occurred to her that she or Kara might’ve carried the infant. Due to the fact there was no sperm involved, she always believed Lizzy to be a test tube baby. Perhaps she isn’t. Lena’s pretty sure that her other self would’ve found a way. 

“Nobody got pregnant,” Lena answers.

Jess’s confusion only grows. “So, how did Lizzy come into your life? Was it a freak accident?” 

“Well, you’re not wrong that Lizzy is ours.” 

“Of course. She’s the spitting image of Ms. Danvers.” Jess turns Lizzy around to get a better look at her, smiling softly. “But she has your eyes. That’s how I knew she was yours.” 

Something in Lena’s chest wants to give. Before she lets herself think too much about it, she focuses on details. Details, details and details. Focus on the details and less on the emotions. 

“She came from another world,” Lena explains, “In that world, Kara and I are… _together_. Then they have Lizzy. But for some unknown reason, they send her away and she ends up crashing onto my backyard. We’ve been taking care of her ever since.” 

“So, you and Kara are not together _here_?” 

Lena's frown returns again. "Why would we be?"

Jess shrugs, letting Lizzy wrap a tiny fist around her thumb. "It would've made sense," she answers slowly, "Having a baby with someone is bound to change things." 

The words take its time in sinking in. Lena hesitates, trying to wrap her mind around the implication of what Jess is trying to say. It's not _that_ far-fetched but still, her heart rattles at the thought. Kara and her… _together_? It's an image that Sam has been trying to push her towards. And now Jess is doing the same. 

"Do you think…" Lena lets out a soft sigh, rubbing at her eyes. "Do you think Kara and I would be good together?" 

Jess smiles. "I may not know _everything_ that went down between you two," she begins, her hand on Lizzy's shoulder, "but if there's a world out there where you and Kara are married and have a baby, then it means that you two _can_ be good together in this one. Frankly speaking, I'm surprised that you didn't ask her out." 

Lizzy wriggles her way out of Jess's grip and into Lena's lap. Absentmindedly, Lena closes and opens her mouth, wildly confused at what she just heard. "Pardon?" she asks, letting out a laugh, "Why would I…?" 

Jess shakes her head, blushing. "I'm not trying to label you or force my way into your personal relationships, Ms. Luthor. It's just…" The secretary wrings her hands again, biting her lower lip. "Well, remember the time you asked me to order an entire flower shop for Ms. Danvers as a thank you? I just… I _assumed_ you liked her that way —" 

"I did," Lena finds herself confessing, surprised at the easy way the words come out; Jess blinks. "Don't get me wrong. I don't plan on labelling myself any time soon but there was once a time where I liked Kara _that_ way." 

Pushing away the thought that this is a very unprofessional way to discuss her love life with her secretary of all people, Lena thinks back to the first time she met Kara. She had been with Clark Kent from The Daily Planet. Anybody's eyes would've been drawn towards his handsome features but it was the meek, pretty blonde standing behind him that had caught Lena's eye. 

Kara Danvers, who was apparently not a reporter but could definitely write like one, enraptured Lena the minute their eyes locked. 

 _Supergirl was there too_. 

Almost at once, Lena's memories shatter. She takes a deep breath, pulling Lizzy close. Right. Even during then, Kara still kept her secret. 

"She is a fascinating woman," Lena states, "but it didn't take long for me to realize that it was never going to happen." 

Jess quirks an eyebrow. "What happened?" 

"She was seeing somebody else," Lena answers shortly, briefly hating the thought of Mon-El worming its way into her mind. 

The way Jess nods and hums at her makes Lena think that there's something the woman isn't telling her but before she can ask, Lizzy resumes her wailing from before. Sighing, Lena takes the baby into her arms and rocks her gently. Jess takes this as her cue to go. 

"Jess, I would appreciate it if not a word of this gets out," she says before the secretary leaves the room, "If anybody asks why I have a baby with me, tell them that I'm babysitting for a friend." 

Jess nods obediently. "Yes, Ms. Luthor." 

"And thank you for taking the time to talk to me." Lena pauses. "By the way, I think we've known each other for a long time to still remain on last name basis." 

The smile that Jess graces her is enough to fill her with gratitude and relief. "It's not a problem, Lena."

With Lena left to a crying baby in her arms, she can't help but think of Kara once again and hope that wherever she is, she's safe. 

…

On the second day Kara is gone, Lena and Lizzy take a walk in the park. She buys a stroller for this exact purpose, having realized that Lizzy has barely experienced the outside world except for when she goes to the L-Corp and DEO. To say that Lizzy is an excited ball of fluffs and giggles would be an understatement. She's so happy with the new environment she literally won't stop clapping her hands at the most mundane of things. Tree? Clap. Dog? Clap. A blonde woman who suspiciously looks like Kara from behind except for the narrow shoulders? Clap harder until the blonde woman leaves off with her family. 

Lizzy cries for a short while after that.

Until Lena plucks a daffodil from the ground and gives it to her. "Here you go. That's a daffodil. It means new beginnings..." The irony isn’t lost on her. 

When Lizzy tries to bite the flower a few minutes later, Lena replaces it with the stuffed tiger. 

The weather is nice. Lena wears sunglasses and a cap to hide her face. She might have been gone from Metropolis for the past few years but people still remember the disgraced sister of the man who tried to kill Superman. The park is blooming with activity — families having a nice picnic, children playing with their dogs, artists painting landscapes on canvases. Before, Lena would've felt a stab of loneliness but she doesn't. Sitting on the bench with Lizzy's stroller next to her and the baby in her arms, she feels… _content._

Content but still incomplete… 

She pushes the thought of Kara from her mind. There's no point in thinking of such stupidly reckless matters of the heart. She's lived her whole life without the woman, she can stand a few more days without her. Besides, she has Lizzy her for company and a beautiful park to admire. 

(Still, it would've been nice to have someone seated next to her.) 

… 

On the third day, Alex and J'onn visit Lena after work. It's not like they were invited but while Lena was trying to wrestle a crying Lizzy into the pajamas, the knock on the door distracted them both. When Lena swings it open, Alex immediately says, "Wow. You look like shit."

J'onn gives her a look. "My apologies, Lena," he says, "She is unbearably blunt when she's worried." 

"I am aware." Lena is unsure whether or not she wants to let them in but Lizzy's cries from inside drag her attention back to the fussy child. She sighs and opens the door wider. Alex and J'onn come in. 

"Thank you," J'onn tells her, smiling. It is as if he knows what was on her mind. Lena nods stiffly and returns to the living room where she left Lizzy on her walker. 

The baby erupts into a string of giggles when she sees J'onn. Lena finishes in changing her clothes while she's distracted by the funny man with the long ears. "To what do I owe the DEO the pleasure?" she asks, barely sparing them both a glance. While the root of her anger is usually fixed on Kara, she can't help but remember that the rest of the team were in on it too. 

Alex clears her throat and sits next to her on the couch. J'onn takes his place on the adjacent chair. "Kara told us to drop by once in a while," he explains, "said something about the baby’s sleeping habits. So here we are. Willing to babysit on your behalf. If you let us." 

Lena sighs. Of course Kara did. "Have you heard from her?" she asks. 

"No," it is Alex who answers; she looks worried sick at the mention of her sister, "Not yet. We discussed that if she wasn't back by Sunday, then I'd use the interdimensional extrapolator Cisco Ramon made to find her. That’s why she used the portal instead." 

"That's reasonable." Lena tries to put Lizzy into her lap but the baby only wants to crawl towards J'onn, who grins like he’s won the lottery. He takes Lizzy into his arms and gently wraps an arm around her stomach, cooing softly into her ear. The sight is enough to melt Lena’s heart.

"You look tired, Lena," Alex tells her earnestly, brows furrowed, "Maybe you should sleep?. I'm pretty sure you've only gotten a handful of hours." 

Alex isn't wrong. Last night, Lena only managed two hours of sleep. The longer Kara's been away, the harder the baby cries at night. It's obvious that Lizzy misses her mother but Lena doesn’t know what to do to make her feel better. She tried Kara’s method of using pictures to make the baby happy — it only works for a few minutes. 

“I really shouldn’t,” Lena says, waving them away, “You probably have a lot more important things to do.”

“Come on, Lena.” Alex reaches over and pats her arm. “We’re here to help. You possibly can’t take care of a baby without the right amount of sleep. What if you collapse all of a sudden?” 

“I’ve been through worse.” 

Alex gives her a look. Lena suspects this is the same look she gives to Kara whenever the blonde orders five boxes of potstickers. The big old sisterly look. 

“You don’t trust us with the kid?” Alex asks, a real question lying somewhere in there. 

“What? Yeah, of course. This _is_ your niece.” Lena refrains from saying that she doesn’t trust Alex with _secrets_. But kids? That, she can do. Alex is good with kids. Just like Ruby.

J’onn passes Lizzy into Alex’s arms. “So, it is alright with you if we watch over her while you take a nap?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. 

Before Lena can formulate a ‘ _no, thank you. It’s really fine,_ ’ a yawn interrupts her. Alex and J’onn both wear smug looks when she turns to look at them again. Brilliant. Not only is she a tired mother taking care of an infant, she’s also a liar. Lizzy claps her hands and giggles.  

“Okay, fine,” Lena grumbles, sighing heavily, “Her bottles are in the fridge. Just heat them up when she gets hungry. When it’s playtime, her pet tiger is right around here somewhere. I can’t remember where she threw it last. Make sure she doesn’t shove it into her mouth again. Also, if she gets sleepy, you have to rock her real fast. It helps her doze off quicker. I’ll just take a short one hour break and then I’ll — ”

Alex’s hand on her shoulder stops Lena’s blabbering. “ _Relax_ ,” the woman says, “I’ve babysat before. Lizzy is nothing that I can’t handle.”  

J’onn adds, “I’ve also had children, besides Alex and Kara, Lena. We’ll take care of yours.” 

The hesitation that Lena feels in her gut disappears almost completely when Lizzy, in her tiny form leaning up against J’onn’s stomach, reaches forward and wraps her little fist around the man’s thumb. Alex coos — a totally foreign sound coming from the usually harsh woman — and Lena blinks at her daughter. The warmth in her chest remains. She lets out a soft sight at the sight of J’onn and Alex fawning over Lizzy. Nothing bad will happen to her. 

 _We’ll take care of yours_.

Oh, right. She’s a mother now. It’s normal to be worried for her kid, even in the safety of people whom she trusts — _no._ She doesn’t fully trust them. Not yet. Not with her heart all over again. She won’t let them hurt her the same way Kara did. 

Lena forces a neutral expression into her face. 

“If anything happens to her while I’m asleep…” she warns, a dangerous edge to her voice. 

Alex nods. “You’ll never forgive us,” she supplies. 

“Mark our words, Lena,” J’onn says, placing his large hand over Lizzy’s small head; the baby laughs and tries to grab at his fingers, “we won’t let her out of our sight.” 

It takes a while for Lena to finally leave the living room but when she does, she leaves Lizzy in the care of Alex and J’onn who seem pumped about the idea of babysitting her half-Kryptonian baby. For now. Sooner or later, they’ll realize just how much of a handful Lizzy can actually be. 

Lena tells herself that she’ll only sleep for an hour, not wanting to admit that she really needs the rest. She even sets an alarm for it. But the minute her back hits the soft mattress of her bed, exhaustion pulls at her bones. She thinks of Kara, which she finds herself doing more and more nowadays, before she lets sleep overtake her. 

When she comes to, it’s in the middle of the night. She hears Lizzy crying downstairs and panic fills her thoughts. _What on earth was her daughter doing in the living room?_ She sits up, feeling alert and rested, before she hears two sets of footsteps and murmured voices. Oh right. Yes. Alex and J’onn are here. Babysitting for Lizzy. 

She realizes that she hasn’t exactly changed out of her work clothes so she silently makes her way to the closet to pull on a soft cotton shirt and some sweatpants. It’s the closest form of comfort she has. 

(Besides Kara’s embrace.) 

Shaking her head, she slowly pads her way over to the stairs. Even though she’s still sleepy, she needs to relinquish Lizzy from Alex and J’onn. Surely, the two must be exhausted by now. Her footsteps are careful and quiet with each step she goes. Low voices from J’onn and Alex fill the usual silence at this time of night. When she reaches the bottom step, Lena checks her watch. It’s nearly 2:30 am. Around the corner, leading to the living room, Lizzy’s laugh slices through the air. It’s a sharp bright sound and Lena finds herself smiling. 

“That’s me and your moms on game night,” she hears Alex’s voice, low and soft, “They’re quite a pair. Never lost a game of charades ever since they formed their unstoppable duo.” 

“Quite a pain in the butt, if you think about it,” J’onn comments lightly. 

Lena moves to the living room but hesitates before she can step into the vicinity of where J’onn, Alex and Lizzy are sitting on the floor. Both of their backs are turned but Lena can clearly see that Alex is holding her phone in one hand and swiping up pictures for Lizzy, who must be seated on her lap, to see. 

“Remember how they managed to guess the word  _space time quantum physics_?” Alex asks, snorting, “What a bunch of nerds.” 

“I’m not surprised,” J’onn says, “They’re a good team. It also doesn’t surprise me that they’ve found themselves in this baby situation. Even if Lena is still upset with Kara.” 

Lizzy makes a soft noise of protest, one that immediately catches Lena’s attention. She peeks in further from where she stands around the corner of the living room and sees the child reaching for a picture in Alex’s phone. Alex hands it to her. 

“I don’t think Lena can stay mad at Kara forever,” the woman states, “They care about each other too much for that.” 

J’onn hums. Lena listens, heart pounding in her chest. “Perhaps,” he agrees, “but let Lena be angry. She has every right to be upset at Kara or even at us.” 

“We were just doing our jobs. Keeping the identities of aliens safe. Protecting civilians. Managing the peace.” 

“You and I both know that Lena is no longer _just_ a civilian.” 

Silence. Lena looks down at the floor, suddenly cold. Here they are — talking about her. Their words are not of mockery and disdain. Rather of fondness and concern. Something in her chest loosens. It is almost as if a vice-like grip has finally let go. 

“Hi, Lizzy,” Alex speaks again, turning her attention to the baby in her arms, “You know that your mom — the dark-haired one — is one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met? She’s brave, strong and knows how to fight back. She can definitely give Kara a run for her money.” 

Lena hears Lizzy giggle. 

“But we hurt her really badly,” Alex continues and her voice goes soft, “We kept her out of things, even though she was already part of the team. I know that it was for the good of everybody else but still… we shouldn’t have done that. _I_ shouldn’t have told Kara to keep her secret from her. I see that it’s a mistake now.” 

Lena leans against the wall and closes her eyes, feeling the burn of tears. 

“Your mom has every right to be all frowny face at us,” Alex adds, laughing quietly, “but I really hope she knows that we all love her. Your other mom, especially so. Ever since she came into our lives, I honestly didn’t think there was a better person to match Kara’s eccentric personality. Oh. Eccentric means somewhat wild, by the way. Kind of like you!” 

When Lizzy laughs again, Lena knows it’s because Alex is tickling her. J’onn chuckles, apparently watching the pair. The atmosphere is filled with laughter and giggles and Lena has never felt so out of place in that very moment. Listening in to a conversation about her that she knows is meant to be private is a low blow to her self-esteem. 

“Do you ever worry, J’onn?” Alex asks a moment later after the tickling has died down. 

Lena imagines J’onn tilting his head. “About Lena leaving again?” 

“Yeah. When she left months ago, Kara was devastated.” 

“I saw.”

“Everybody saw.”

Silence again. Lena rubs away the tears in her eyes and has to cover her mouth to stop the sniffles. God, it would be so embarrassing to be discovered in this very compromising situation. How on earth would she be able to explain herself?

J’onn lets out a soft sigh. “No, I’m not worried,” he answers, “not just because Lizzy is here now and they’re obliged to take care of her but because…” There’s the sound of clothes shifting against the couch as the man rearranges himself. “Because I don’t think Lena can stay away from Kara for too long.” 

“Well, Kara is one of the most persistent people I’ve ever had the joy of meeting,” Alex muses, “I doubt she’s going to let Lena leave again.”

A smile can be heard from J’onn’s next words: “I doubt Lena would even want to.” 

A hot and heavy emotion rests on Lena's chest. She doesn't understand why she's crying, why she's struggling to keep her feelings in check. _We all love her_ , Alex said. She says that they do but Lena can still feel the sting of hurt and betrayal when Lex told her about Kara and the rest of their friends. 

_Your friends have been lying to you from the start._

Lena has always prided herself in being one of the smartest and most capable people in the room. It doesn't feel like it now. She feels stupid — has felt stupid for the past several months. Like there's a bullseye on her back and she was none the wiser. Everybody knew. Everybody knew but her. Everybody else, Kara trusted. But not her. 

She takes a deep gulp of fresh air and hurries back upstairs. Making sure to keep her footsteps light and soft, Lena hears her heart pounding inside her chest. A painful reminder of just how badly Alex and J'onn's conversation has affected her. 

_Small boxes. Small boxes. Small boxes._

Nothing. She aches. God, she still aches. 

Once she realizes the futility of her coping mechanism, she sinks into her bed, closes her eyes and cries herself to sleep. 

…

The next day, Lena wakes up by five o'clock and hides her puffy eyes with make-up. Later, when she thanks Alex and J'onn for watching Lizzy for the night, it hits her just how badly she's become transparent. 

J'onn looks at her, furrow between his eyebrows and a frown firm on his mouth, and Lena just knows that he _knows._

Fucking aliens. 

...

Kara doesn’t come back by Sunday. 

Well, technically, she does. But technicalities are part of Lena’s strong suit so the minute the clock strikes 12 AM on Sunday night and Kara still isn’t in her peripheral vision, she immediately dials Alex’s number. It only rings once because Alex is quick to pick up, sounding wide-eyed and alert, “ _Lena, is she —_ ” 

“She isn’t back yet,” Lena states, voice devoid of emotion.

“ _I’m going to find her. I’ll keep you updated._ ” 

“I’m coming with you.”

“No, _Lena_ .” Alex’s voice is firm. Definitely Director Danvers. “ _Keep an eye out on Lizzy. I’m already inside the DEO.”_

A wave of anger rushes over Lena. Lizzy is upstairs, fast asleep, and any thought of rest has gone out of the window the second it was no longer Sunday. “I’m not going to sit here and worry about Kara like I’m sort of a housewife in the 1900s!” 

“ _Yes, you will!_ ” Alex snaps, “ _Kara would never forgive me if I dragged you along! Listen, Lena, we have no idea what’s on the other Earth. If it was strong enough to take down Supergirl_ and _The Flash, of all people, then it’s definitely strong enough to kill both of us combined._ ”

Lena knows it’s true but still, she speaks without thinking, “You just can’t expect me to stay here —”

“ _Of course not_ .” Alex scoffs, as if the mere idea offends her too. “ _But you have to. God forbid if anything happened to Kara but I will not let you go down the same path_.”

There’s a glass of scotch sitting on the kitchen counter. It’s Lena’s fourth one. She downs it in one go, upset and furious at these turn of events. Kara was supposed to be back by now. She promised. Lena just spent the entire day worrying about her whereabouts and feeling foolish for doing so. God, she’s an idiot. She shouldn’t have let her go. She might still be fucking angry about the whole Supergirl thing but she didn’t want Kara to leave. Not like this. 

Not when they have a kid together. 

(Not when Lena still has so much to say to her. Both positive and negative.) 

“Just —” Lena sighs harshly, rubbing her forehead and knowing that Alex would never let her step a foot outside her house. “ _Fuck_. Okay. Is this the first time she wasn’t back from her mission?” 

“ _Dear God, no_ .” Underneath the worry laced in her voice, Alex still manages to sound exasperated. “ _Kara has a problem when it comes to time but she always somehow manages to find a way back. Doesn’t stop me from worrying about it though_.” 

“Jesus.” Lena needs another drink. “Fine. I’ll stay here but _when_ you find her, tell her that when she gets home, expect to face a really angry mother who’s barely had any sleep worrying about —” 

There’s a sudden flash of blue light. Lena yelps and covers her face instinctively as a rush of energy fills the room. It’s cool to her skin, thankfully, so it doesn’t hurt. However, the sudden force of energy is still strong enough to push her back a couple of inches. She ducks behind the kitchen counter and waits for the blue light to fade, all the while her heart thunders loudly inside her chest. Her phone is still clutched tightly in her left hand and she can hear Alex calling out to her: “ _Lena, what’s going on? I heard an explosion_ —”

“Something just exploded in my kitchen,” she tells Alex.

“ _Seriously_ ? _I’ll send J’onn and Brainy over. Are you hurt_?" 

The blue light gradually fades. When Lena looks around, she sees that her kitchen is more or less intact. However, she can hear movement and a few muffled voices. When she raises her head from where she sits, she sees a tall, lanky man standing in the middle of the room with  — 

“Kara,” Lena breathes out, her phone still planted next to her ear. 

“ _Kara_ ?” Alex repeats, “ _Lena, what the hell is going on_?” 

The man sees Lena rising from her hiding space and turns to face her. He’s wearing a bright red suit with a yellow lightning symbol etched on his chest. He’s handsome, clearly, but his face is riddled with bruises and scratches. A nasty wound has been sliced open on his temple, slowly oozing out blood. But Lena only takes note of these minor details in half a nanosecond because her eyes are zooming in on what — or _who_ — he’s carrying. In his arms, he has Kara in a bridal carry and _oh_ — she doesn’t look so good. 

“Hi,” the man, whom Lena immediately recognizes as Barry Allen, says. He gives her a smile which turns into a wince a few seconds later, “you must be Lena. I’ve heard so much about you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooOOooOhhHhhHhhHh. Barry is here! DRAMA. Fucking love it. 
> 
> You'll get your answers by next chapter. Whatever you're thinking right now, it's probably not it but you can take a wild guess in the comment section down below. Now, just imagine me behind a computer screen with the lights turned off and laughing maniacally at the misery of both Kara and Lena. Don't worry. Everything will work out in the end, I hope. I always remember that saying — "An author's job is to get the character up that tree and then throw rocks at them." 
> 
> It has never rung truer than it does now. 
> 
> Anyway, comment down below any theories or something. Who knows? I might change what's already on my mind if it means more SUFFERING. Kidding. We'll see!


	11. in pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barry’s face is full of sadness and guilt as he holds her gaze. But there’s also a determined edge to the way he locks his jaw. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I know I was supposed to keep her safe but you have to understand, Lena, that everything went wrong the second we got there.”
> 
> Before Lena can open her mouth to retort, she finds Alex’s hand on her shoulder. 
> 
> “What do you mean ‘everything went wrong’?” the older Danvers asks, giving Lena a firm look. 
> 
> Barry crosses his arms. “I think you guys need to sit down for this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the late upload. I was really having a difficult time in writing out the scenes I wanted to plot out. However, for some reason, while I was as at work, I just fucking decided to write it out even though there was some pending articles I also had to write. Anyway, you guys have waited long enough. 
> 
> Also, I read some of the comments a while back and there was this person who speculated their theory about Kara's return that completely broke my heart. You know who you are. For the scenario that you so kindly shared with us, I'm afraid that I don't have the balls to go for it because I MIGHT BE THE ONE GETTING CRIPPLED BY THE ANGST. Hopefully this will suffice.

_Then I'll see your face_  
_I know I'm finally yours_  
_I find everything I thought I lost before_  
_You call my name_  
_I come to you in pieces_  
  
_So you can make me whole_

**— Red, Pieces**

...

The sight of Kara’s almost lifeless body in Barry’s arm is enough to kick Lena into action. She ushers them straight into the living room, where Barry only manages to set the Super into the couch before he succumbs to his own wounds, limping away to give Lena space to move and take heed. She spares him a glance, sees that he seems to be more intact than Kara and then quickly assesses the blonde’s state.

“Kara —” A lump finds its way into Lena’s throat as she stares down at the Kryptonian — the stupid and supposedly _invincible_ Kryptonian. This is the absolute worst thing she could have ever imagined in this situation; Kara, seemingly still conscious, turns to the sound of her voice. “ _Jesus_ , you’re going to be fine. You’re going to be _fine_ . Just s—sta— _stay_ with me, okay? I’m going to fi—fix this. _Please_. Stay with me —”

 _Don’t let it end like this please_ , she thinks to herself, fighting back the tears forming in her eyes and the panic rattling in her heart. Kara’s hand suddenly reaches out and weakly cups her face. Lena squeezes her eyes shut and holds it back.Then it goes limp. 

It takes ten minutes for J’onn to arrive at Lena’s house, fifteen minutes for Brainy and Alex to come barging in and half an hour for Sam to come as well. By that time, Lena’s already prepared the spare medical kit she has in the kitchen and laid it on the floor by the couch. Human supplies might not be much to stop all of the wounds that Kara has sustained but she just needs to do _something_ about the bleeding. It’s getting worse by the second and Barry has already collapsed on a chair next to the couch, gasping in pain. 

The injuries Kara has sustained look _far_ too serious up close. Several bruises and marks litter any open skin. There’s a deep gash slashed open right across her stomach, which Lena placed a white cloth against and applied pressure on. Her skin is deathly pale. The suit has been ruined beyond recognition and soaked in blood. If it isn’t for the soft and shallow breaths Kara’s taking, Lena might’ve assumed she’s already dead. 

But she’s not. 

Thank God she’s not. 

Lena’s gotten past the panicking and is now cleaning up after the wounds that she _can_ fix. She wipes off the blood and tries to find the deepest injuries she sees. Antiseptic won’t work on Supergirl — only the yellow sun can. But fuck, it’s already nighttime and there’s not much she can do. 

When everybody has arrived, Kara looks more or less cleaned up. Lena’s applying pressure on the gash across her stomach, which is the most severe wound she has. J’onn is talking to Barry while fixing his injuries, though he only seems to be suffering from the gash on his temple and the nasty open wound on his shoulder. Alex and Brainy are setting up a portable yellow sun lamp to speed up the healing process. Meanwhile, Sam is upstairs, trying to calm a hysterical Lizzy who awoke a few minutes ago. 

Nobody wants to move Kara away from the couch due to the severity of her wounds so they all huddle in the living room, worried sick. Lena doesn’t leave her side, too anxious and fearful that if she does, something bad might happen. As the sun lamp kicks in, it provides a yellowish glow to Kara’s skin. It’s only then that Lena sees just how bad her wounds run deep. 

Tears form in her eyes. “Oh, Kara,” she murmurs. 

Alex’s hand on her shoulder does little to calm her nerves. “She’s going to be fine,” the older Danvers says, her voice soft, “Look, she’s already healing.” 

True enough, when Lena removes the bloodstained cloth and leans close, she sees the minor scars on Kara’s face and arms slowly fading away but it’s the major ones — the gash on her stomach, the odd way her left arm is bent, the broken ribs probably mending inside her chest — that has gotten Lena worried. Kara’s lips are pale with dried blood around the edges and it’s clear there’s some internal bleeding. 

“Oh, God,” Lena says, rubbing at her eyes where tears have leaked out. 

Alex stays stationed next to the sun lamp, watching her sister heal and biting her thumb so hard it bleeds. Brainy takes a seat next to Lena on the floor, his presence a welcome one. J’onn and Barry talk quietly about what went down while they were travelling and while Lena wants nothing more than to know what happened, she can’t bring herself to tear her gaze away from Kara. 

They’re all exhausted. Answers can be dealt with tomorrow. It’s in the middle of the night and while the chaos from minutes ago has subsided to a steady thrum of anxiety and nerves all just bundled up underneath the surface, the silence is interrupted with Lizzy’s cries from upstairs and Sam’s soft voice calming her down. The more Lena hears it, the more she wants to cry too.

“Lena.” Brainy’s voice. He pats her shoulder, shaking her away from her rampant thoughts. “We’ll watch over Kara. I think Lizzy needs you.”

Lena blinks, looks over at him and sees the concern written all over his features. She doesn’t know what to do other than nod quietly. “Oh,” she says, sniffing, “Yeah, I’m sorry. Just… Please call me if she wakes up. I’ll be upstairs.” 

Brainy nods. “You’ll be the first to know.” 

When Lizzy catches sight of Lena by the door a few minutes later, she stops crying. Sam shoots her a grateful look from where she stands by the crib. “She would _not_ stop crying,” the other woman says as she passes the baby into Lena’s waiting arms, “I think she could sense that something was wrong.”

“Smart baby,” Lena comments, letting Lizzy lean on her shoulder, “Thank you, Sam.” 

“It’s not a problem.” Sam hesitates and her eyes flicker with worry. “How is Kara? I got a look as I was heading upstairs. She didn’t look too good.” 

Lena’s heart wants to give out. Lizzy must sense her inner turmoil because she wraps her tiny arms around Lena’s neck and squeezes. “Oh,” the Luthor says, trying to shake away the tears in her eyes, “She’s already healing thanks to the yellow sun lamp Alex and Brainy brought in.” 

Sam nods. “Okay, that’s good. Anyway, you should get some sleep. I know you haven’t been sleeping properly thanks to this little runt over here.” 

Lizzy whimpers softly against Lena’s neck. Lena squeezes her eyes shut and brings her closer. It’s enough to hold her and know that somebody else she cares about is safe in her arms. Unlike Kara. Kara — who could’ve fucking died out there. The weight of this knowledge is heavy on her mind. 

“I’ll head downstairs,” Sam tells her, squeezing her arm, “See you in the morning, boss.”

“Thank you,” Lena says again, unable to properly articulate how she’s feeling right now; a mass of fear and anxiety builds steadily inside her chest, “for everything.” 

Sam lingers by the doorway to the room, smiling at her. “That’s what friends are for.” Then she leaves.  

Logically speaking, Lena knows there’s not much she can do in the situation. Kara has already been taken care of. Alex and Brainy are bound to take shifts in watching over her while J’onn is keeping an eye out for Barry’s injuries. It’d be cruel to subject him to an interrogation when he looks so tired. Additionally, Sam can’t be expected to stay in her house for the rest of the night since she has Ruby to look out for in the morning. What Lena can only do now is wait for Kara to wake up. 

“Come on, darling,” she tells her daughter, settling her into the crib. As she does this, she catches sight of the dried blood on her hands. Lizzy doesn’t seem to notice, green eyes shifting around in constant observance of the world around her. 

With her heart lodged in her throat, Lena quickly heads to the bathroom to wash the blood off. She rinses and repeats so many times that Lizzy just ends up crying in her crib. Her skin is red. She closes her eyes and tries to breathe. All of this is too much for her. The past few weeks have subjected her to a cruel twist of fate. Not only is she expected to raise a daughter with the one person who hurt her the most, she can actually feel herself caring for her all over again. Reversing all the hard work she’s put in trying to forget about their past in an effort to shield herself from getting hurt. 

But here she is.

Despite it all, she still cares for Kara’s well-being. 

(Despite it all, Kara is still her best friend.)

When she returns to Lizzy’s side a few minutes later, she sees her daughter wide awake and chewing on the blanket. The thought of sleeping after such a traumatizing ordeal doesn’t sit so well with her so she decides to read something. Perhaps a children’s book.

During Lizzy’s first day in Metropolis City, when Lena and Sam were buying all sorts of baby supplies, one of the few things Sam told her to do every night was read to Lizzy a bunch of bedtime stories. _Keeps their brains running, even if they really can’t understand it_ , Sam said. Because of this advice, Lena bought ten children books. The only problem is, she hasn’t been able to read Lizzy one due to the hectic nature of her life and the fact that Lizzy rarely keeps still in the middle of the night.

But still, Lena knows she won’t get a wink of sleep unless she knows Kara is safe and sound down in the living room. Making up her mind, she takes Lizzy into her arms, grabs one of the books from her shelves lining the wall and settles into the queen-sized bed. The baby makes a soft sound of protest at the change of position but Lena settles her down right into her lap. 

“Don’t worry,” she coos, placing her chin on top of the baby’s blonde curls, “I’ll be right next to you the whole night. We’re just going to be reading a little story. Is that okay with you?” 

Lizzy opens her mouth and babbles. The words are a string of vowels strung together to form an incoherent sentence. It occurs to Lena that by this age (which she guesses to be seven months), Lizzy should be mumbling a few words she’s picked up from around her. Even though she’s Kryptonian, she seems to be growing at the same rate as a regular human baby. Based on Lena’s research about Kryptonians, she knows how scientifically advanced and smart they are, even as children. 

The book she picked up is a classic tale of _The Hare and the Tortoise_. Lizzy points at the hare in the cover of the book and looks up at her mother. “That’s a hare,” Lena explains, “Sort of like a rabbit but bigger.” 

“Ha...” Lizzy begins to say before she starts giggling. It’s not really a word. Just a soft exhale of breath but Lena still finds it endearing.

“Close enough, kid.” Lena opens the first page and begins reading out loud. As she tells the story, Lizzy listens. Even though she’s only a few months old and barely seems to understand the concept of fables and stories, she hangs onto every word her mother says. Of course she doesn’t keep still but everytime Lena pauses and watches her, Lizzy grabs the top of the book and shakes it as a sign to keep going. 

Once the story is finished, Lizzy takes the book into her hands. It’s as big as her head but she manages to push it back into her mother’s face.

Lena blinks at her. “You want me to read it again?” 

Lizzy claps her hands, full of giggles. 

“There _are_ other stories, you know,” Lena points out but she goes back to the first page and starts again. The distraction is welcome. At least the thought of Kara’s broken body downstairs isn’t the only thing filling her thoughts. Lizzy listens once again, moving around as she does so. When Lena gets to the part where the hare takes a nap since the tortoise is so far at the back, Lizzy climbs over her stomach and grabs at her right ear. 

Lena patiently returns the baby back into her original position, hugging her close to her chest. Lizzy doesn’t seem to mind. “We’re getting to the good part,” the mother says softly, “The one where, against all odds, the tortoise beats the stupid arrogant hare.” 

“ _Har_!” Lizzy exclaims. 

Something in Lena’s chest explodes. It’s stupid, really. It’s not even a real complete word. Lizzy was simply repeating something her mother said. All babies do this. But once Lena hears it, tears immediately kick in. Her first thought is not of Kara and the fact that she should be here, listening to Lizzy’s first attempt at forming words. Instead, her first thought is of the _other_ Kara and Lena — Lizzy’s real parents. They _should_ be the one listening to Lizzy’s babbles. They _should_ be the one reading her bedtime stories. They _should_ be here for their daughter, alive and happy. Growing a family together. Because at the end of the day, no matter how many times she and Kara look at blood and DNA and fucking particles, Lizzy is never going to be truly theirs. 

(She belongs to someone else.) 

Lizzy twists around in her arms and looks up at her. The sight of her mother crying is enough to make her cry too. “Oh no,” Lena says, shaking her head and wiping away her tears, “don’t cry, darling. It’s not your fault. You said a _word_. That’s really good! You deserve something for that.” As a reward, Lena presses soft kisses against the baby’s face. Lizzy’s cries soften into hiccups. 

They finish the story but each time Lena closes the book, Lizzy reaches out and opens it again. So Lena has to start all over. She doesn’t know when she and Lizzy start to doze off or when Lizzy finally stops opening the book to have a rehash of the story. What Lena does know is that she and the baby sleep for the next five hours blissfully, Lizzy wrapped snugly in her arms while she leans against the pillows upright. 

By the time Lena wakes up, it’s out of her own volition, not brought about by Lizzy’s usual morning cries. The baby, thankfully, hasn’t rolled away in the middle of the night and is still sleeping on her mother’s chest. When she checks her phone, Lena sees that it’s nearing seven o’clock. She doesn’t wake up with the typical grogginess she feels ever since Lizzy crashed on her backyard, which she is grateful for. Instead, she’s alert and wide-eyed. Remembering the events of the night before, she’s about to wake Lizzy up for some breakfast when there’s a knock on the door. 

Brainy pokes his head in after a soft “come in” from Lena.

“Hey,” he says, his voice grim, “Kara’s not awake yet but Barry’s ready to talk.” 

“I’ll be down there in a minute,” Lena responds. Her heart rate quickens. _Answers_. They’re finally going to get some answers. The thought is daunting and terrifying but Lena manages to transfer Lizzy into her crib and follow Brainy downstairs.

Alex cooks up some scrambled eggs for the team. Sam has already gone home to prepare Ruby for school. J’onn is drinking coffee from where he sits at the head of the dining table. Barry, on the other hand, leans against the wall facing the living room, looking lost in his own thoughts. He’s still wearing his suit, ripped at some edges but otherwise still intact. His face has more color to it, compared to when he came stumbling in last night. Handsome, in a sort of young boyish way. 

After quickly checking Kara’s unconscious form in the living room, Lena approaches Barry immediately with Brainy in tow. “Are you okay now?” she asks, keeping her eyes on his face. 

Barry smiles at her, eyes crinkling around the edges. “Yeah, I heal fast.” He moves his shoulder so she can see his wound. True enough, it’s all healed up. What remains is a long jagged scar. 

“So nothing hurts anymore?”

“More or less.” 

“Good.” Lena swings her hand back and punches him across the jaw. A blinding flash of pain shoots through her fist. Barry recoils, his fingers coming up to  touch his face, as he staggers back against the wall. J’onn stands from the table and pulls her back by the arm, distancing her from her victim.

“ _Lena_!” Alex yells from the kitchen, aghast. 

Barry waves all of their worries away. “It’s fine,” he says, rubbing his mouth, “I get it.” 

“You were _supposed_ to protect her!” Lena shouts and her voice shakes; anger licks at the inside of her stomach. The sight of Barry looking healthy and well makes her blood boil. Because Kara should be looking like _that_ — with color in her cheeks, a light in her eyes and a spring to her step. But she’s not. Instead, she’s lying on the couch after having barely escaped death and Barry was _supposed_ to keep that from happening. 

“Lena, you know that it’s not his fault,” Brainy says, stepping up behind her and trying to drag her away. She pushes him off, too wrapped up in her emotions. The exact opposite of what she’s been trying to tell him. 

Her anger is too large to compact into little boxes. 

J’onn puts his hands out and shields Barry from Lena’s line of sight. “Calm down.” 

“She told us that everything was going to be fine because _you_ were there!” Lena shrieks, ducking under J’onn’s outstretched arm and rounding up on Barry. To his credit, he stands his ground. “I thought you were supposed to be the fastest man in the fucking universe. Or was that all a lie? Something to boast about when you can’t even protect a single person? You couldn’t keep your eyes on Kara the whole time you were there? _You_ , of all people, should understand the importance of her survival out there! She’s not alone anymore. She has a sister, friends and a daughter to look out for. And here you are, all healed up and happy when it should’ve been _her_!” 

She rears her hand back to punch him again but J’onn catches her wrist this time. Barry’s face is full of sadness and guilt as he holds her gaze. But there’s also a determined edge to the way he locks his jaw. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I know I was supposed to keep her safe but you have to understand, Lena, that everything went wrong the second we got there.”

Before Lena can open her mouth to retort, she finds Alex’s hand on her shoulder. 

“What do you mean ‘everything went wrong’?” the older Danvers asks, giving Lena a firm look. 

Barry crosses his arms. “I think you guys need to sit down for this.”

They follow suit. Lena is still boiling from her outburst but she’s calmed down a bit. Alex’s hand now shifts from her shoulder down to the small of her back, guiding her into the seat next to the director and far from Barry. J’onn remains standing next to Barry’s side of the table while Brainy hands out plates of scrambled eggs Alex made. 

Lena ignores the plate, not feeling too hungry. Everyone shares the same sentiment though it’s clear they appreciate the gesture. 

“Tell us what happened, Barry,” J’onn says. 

“Okay.” Barry clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. “Kara came to me like a week ago, right? Asked Cisco and I for some help in tracking down Lizzy’s parents. Her _real_ parents. Problem is, Cisco lost his powers a little while back so we had to do a little manual trial and error through some technology he and Caitlin whipped out. It took nearly a day but we were able to figure out that Lizzy came from Earth-36 with the help of the necklace.”

“Lizzy’s necklace?” Lena asks before she can help herself. 

Barry nods. “Yeah. We were able to track it down to its original source.” 

“Earth-36,” Brainy repeats, tilting his head to the side, “Only two Earths away from ours. That must mean it’s similar, right?” 

Lena notices the quick glance Barry throws at her. “Yeah,” the man says, clenching one hand into a fist, “From what I’ve seen, the multiverse is a whole bunch of marbles just sitting next to each other, right? Separated by different vibrational speeds. Parallel universes. We all coexist at the same time but there are some Earths out there with different outcomes. There was Earth-53 or Earth-X, where the Nazis win the war and develop the Fatherland. Horrible place, wouldn’t recommend it.” 

“You mean where Oliver and Kara got married?” Alex notes dryly. 

Lena has to physically stop herself from rolling her eyes, even though she doesn’t know why. She glares at the table instead. 

“Like I said: not recommended,” Barry states, “Certain scenarios that could have easily gone certain ways. There are other Earths out there living in a slower time or in a place without any superheroes. Some have major differences, others only have minor ones. What I’m trying to say is that the closer the Earths are together, the more similar they are. That’s why Earth-1 doesn’t have any alien life in it. Well, not yet anyway.”

“So what makes this Earth-36 different from _our_ Earth?” Lena asks. 

Barry doesn’t answer immediately, his eyes going hazy. Lena can guess that it’s something really bad. 

“Barry?” Alex asks, leaning forward; her voice, though soft, is clearly on edge about the whole thing, “What did you see?” 

You could hear a pin drop with the silence in the room, broken only by the steady hum of the yellow sun lamp slowly healing Kara. Lena can’t hear her heart thundering inside her chest due to the ringing in her ears though she can painfully feel the mass of muscle beating against her ribcage. Like a bird struggling to break free. 

“The sun was red,” Barry answers after a while, glancing up at all of them; his face was pale, “When Kara and I got there, Earth-36 was orbiting around a red sun.” 

J’onn shakes his head. “Humans can’t survive under a red sun.” 

“My point exactly.” Barry looks down, gripping the edge of the table with his right hand. “Humans aren’t built to survive under a red sun, not like Kryptonians or Daxams, right? So the whole planet was just a massive graveyard. Somebody turned the sun red. At a fast rate, too. When suns finish the Main Sequence of their lives, that's when they turn red. But this was different. It was _forced_ to go red. Everything on that Earth dried up and the turned cold. Like an ice age. Only some aliens and otherworldly invaders were there. A lot of them weren’t too happy about our entrance. The second we got out of the portal, Kara was powered down. We couldn’t stand a chance against those assholes.”

“So what you’re saying is…” Lena can’t complete the thought. A memory resurfaces — her brother Lex laughing as he turns the sun red and watches Superman bleed on the streets. Killing hundreds of lives in the process. Renaming himself as ‘The Man of Tomorrow’. Wreaking havoc on a global scale.

“Kara filled me in,” Barry says, his voice gentle, as he stares at her. Lena now understands the earlier look he sent her way. "What you're thinking right now, that's right."

“I don’t have any existing information to come up with a conclusion to this,” Brainy mutters, looking at all of them. 

“I’ll explain more,” Barry continues but Lena already knows what he’s trying to say without outright saying it. “We tried looking for survivors. People who could tell us if the Kara or Lena from Earth-36 survived the red sun. We kept encountering invaders along the way. You see, according to them, that Earth was theirs now. They ‘conquered’ it fair and square and weren't about to give it up to some heroes from another world. That’s why we got hurt so badly along the way.” 

“Did you find any?” Alex asks, “Survivors, I mean.”

The grave look on Barry’s face answers her question. 

“Did you find Kara?” Lena knows that it’s a long shot but she can’t help the hope blossoming in her chest. Even though Kara loses her powers under a red sun, she can still live under one. Perhaps she found a way to fight back or survive the loss of her abilities. Lena doesn’t realize just how badly she needs the other Kara to live, even if it meant the the other version of herself doesn’t survive. As long as Lizzy still has one of her real mothers left. 

Barry looks at her and then shakes his head. “No,” he says, “Once the temperature rose from the red sun and everybody else slowly died, the madman who did all of that hunted her down and killed her. That’s what we found out while we were stuck there.” 

Silence. Alex, J’onn and Brainy all share stricken looks. Lena feels tears burning the back of her eyes. Blinking them away, she takes a deep breath and shakes her head. The thought of losing Kara in _any_ world is a blow to the heart but she doesn’t feel the loss wholly for herself. No. She feels it most especially for Lizzy. Lizzy, who has no idea about the loss of her real parents. 

“There’s no chance she survived?” Brainy questions, trying to find the silver lining in a dire situation. 

“No,” Barry answers, his face pained, “When we got there, the sun had been red for a few years now. Time… works _differently_ between worlds. If there’s a major change in the atmosphere, Earth could either speed up or slow down.  Well, I'm not really sure of time there anymore. It's just an ice age. I get that it’s a weird concept but from here on out, we can only guess what happened.” 

J’onn lets out a grave sigh and rubs at his eyes. Lena has never seen him look so forlorn. “You did your best, Barry. Thank you for helping us.”

Barry glances at Lena again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be of much help,” he amends, “When we found out it was a lost cause, I immediately got Kara out of there. It was difficult, to say the least. Opening a portal through the Speedforce while dodging bad guys threw a wrench in my escape plan. I got her here as fast I could. Kara even joked that we had to return by Sunday otherwise you would kill us both.” 

Lena knows he’s only trying to cheer her up but she only feels a hollow void in her chest. 

“You’re lucky she punched you instead,” Alex mumbles, reaching out to pat his hand. 

“Wait,” Brainy points out as he gives Barry a confused look, “do you know who turned the sun red in Earth-36?” 

They turn to look at the man with all the answers but Barry only has his gaze fixed on Lena. “I didn’t want to say,” he tells them, “because he ended up vanishing from that Earth as well. The invaders we talked to who were nice enough to give us their little villain monologue before trying to kill us said that ‘the man who made all of this possible’ was no longer relevant. We can only guess that he too died off.” 

“So he was human?” Brainy asks. 

“He was my brother,” Lena finishes, this knowledge heavy on her heart; all of them turn their attention to her, wearing varying degrees of surprised looks. Barry nods at her to continue on. “Lex did the same thing here but Superman was able to stop him.” 

“It could’ve been anyone else, Lena,” Alex tries to point out. 

“Nobody hates Kryptonians as much as Lex does — _did_.” 

“That doesn’t prove anything.” 

“I’m afraid she’s right,” Barry speaks up, though he doesn’t look too happy about it, “Many of the invaders referred to him as The Glorious Luthor, the one who made conquering Earth possible. Without Supergirl to defend the planet, it was like taking candy from a baby.”

“If Lex was able to change the very core of the sun here, who’s to say that he can’t do it anywhere else and at any time?” Lena places her hands flat on the table and stands up. Looking at all of them in the eye, she wants them to understand the gravity of the situation and the bloodshed the Luthor name is once again responsible for. “You say that there are minor differences between the two universes. Well, you’re wrong. There’s a major difference. In our Earth, we were able to defeat Lex from achieving his xenophobic ways of wiping off aliens and most especially Kryptonians. But in Earth-36 — the place where Lizzy comes from and where Kara and I somehow end up together — _that’s_ the universe where he wins.” 

…

Barry later finds Lena outside on the porch, watching the rain with a glass of scotch in one hand. He moves slowly but quietly with careful consideration of her space. She appreciates the thought, which makes her feel guilty about the earlier punch she sent his way. Inside, Alex and Brainy are trying to shove Lizzy into a fresh batch of clothes. This proves to be a difficult task, which Sam laughs about from her place next to Kara’s side. 

The morning dragged on with no further progress to Kara’s condition. The wound on her stomach, however, is slowly patching up. New skin stitching together and healing any internal injuries. It’s a slow process due to the limitations of the yellow sun lamp but for now, it’s enough. Nobody wants to rush Kara for anything until she’s ready. There’s not much else they can do anyway except to ponder the information from this morning and wait for their next course of action.

“You’ve got a mean right hook, by the way,” Barry comments once he stands next to her. He’s changed out of his suit and into some regular clothes Brainy provided. 

“I apologize for that,” Lena says, “I got caught up in my emotions.” 

“From what Kara has told me, that’s a good thing. You seem to be the type of person who likes to bottle things up inside.” Barry reaches out and lets the rain run through his fingertips. “She talks a lot about you, you know.” 

Lena glances at him sourly, her scotch glass tipped against her lips. “I had a feeling.” 

“It’s okay. Nothing embarrassing.” Barry manages a grin, despite the fact that only hours ago, Lena had punched him across the face. “Just a few stories here and there. It’s clear that she loves you.”

Lena glances sharply at him. “You don’t know anything,” she says. Her low tone of voice makes it clear that this topic shouldn’t be breached.

“I know that you’re mad at her.”

Either Barry is very brave or very stupid, she can’t decide. He turns to face her, letting out a soft sigh. Due to his height, she has to tilt her head up to look at the comforting look in his eyes. “I might not know everything,” he concedes, “but I’ve been through this before with Iris. I didn’t tell her about being The Flash until later on.” 

Chuckling, Lena takes a sip of her scotch and glares at the somber skies. “Did your secret last three years?” she asks, raising an expectant eyebrow at him; he looks away, “Because that’s how long it took for me to figure out Kara was Supergirl. She wasn’t even the one who told me.” 

“You do know that the glasses don’t help, right? At least I had a mask and a voice changer.”  

“Don’t test me.” 

“Okay, okay.” Barry flounders around for his next words. “I get it. I understand that you’re hurt and angry and disappointed. You’re allowed to be. Iris has been through what you’re going through right now. It’s the same with me and Kara.” 

Something inside Lena’s chest stirs. “Did she forgive you?” she asks in a quiet murmur, so quiet that Barry has to lean forward to hear her next words. “Iris. Did she forgive you for keeping something like that?” 

Barry looks slightly confused at the question. "Well, yeah. We always forgive the people we love.” 

The words dig deep. Lena looks away from his gaze and stares hard at the drizzling rain. Something in her chest breaks apart and rebuilds again. _Forgiveness_ . The word leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. She’s had several difficult relationships in the past, especially in terms of trust, but Kara’s friendship meant the world to her. When she thinks about it now, she knows that some deep part of her will always, truly love Kara Danvers. Until the day she takes her last breath. It doesn’t have to make sense — she _knows_ this. She’s just not sure if that part is large enough to override the other ones still bent on her feelings of anger and betrayal. 

Barry places a hand on her shoulder. She turns to find him smiling. “What?” 

“Does she know?” he asks.

“Know what?”

“That you love her.”

“I _don’t_ .” Lena pulls back, feeling her cheeks burn. “I — I don’t _even_ — I don’t fully understand how I feel about her, especially when we have a daughter together! Things are _too_ complicated to worry about things like that.” She knows she’s being too defensive, which she curses herself for. Defensive people often have a way of being transparent. 

“Nobody punches other people for somebody they _don’t_ love,” Barry says exaggeratedly using air quotes to prove his point, “and I’m not saying in what way. You love her, whether as a friend or something more. I’m not in any position to force you into telling me anything or into forgiving Kara when she’s not yet ready. But I think she deserves to know.” He pauses, letting the words settle in. “Don’t _you_?” 

Lena crosses her arms and grips the glass of scotch in her hand tightly. Thankfully, Barry seems to get the message and heads inside the house. As the rain strengthens in volume and she’s alone with her thoughts, Lena mulls over the words Barry said and resists the urge to fling the glass into her backyard. Because as much as she wants to know how she really feels about Kara, she has to ask herself the same question he asked her. 

 _Does she know if she loves Kara or not_? 

Maybe she'll figure it out once Kara wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO SAW LENA PUNCHING KARA IN THAT TRAILER? FUCK MY SOUL. I WANT LENA TO PUNCH ME?!?!?! So I had her punch Barry instead.
> 
> FYI, I researched about red suns and Cisco Ramon A LOT while I was writing this. The DC comics might state that humans will be unaffected by the change of the sun. However, scientifically speaking, if you sped up the our sun's process into turning into a red one, you can definitely expect some heatwaves along the way. It's definitely going to destroy the earth. But after that final wave of heat, everything turns cold. So yup, that's what happened to Earth-36. A completely random number that I just thought of. 
> 
> Anyway, comment down below what you thought of this chapter!


	12. poison and wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The only problem I see here is if you’re willing to raise a child with Kara.”
> 
> “I’ve already discussed that with her,” Lena says, looking away when she remembers the conversation. As long as it takes. “Lizzy is more important than my feelings about this situation.”
> 
> “As much as I want to agree about the importance of a child growing with her mothers, there’s something I want you to know.” Brainy turns towards her then, serious as ever. His gaze is calculating but compassionate. A computer with emotions. The advanced version of an AI. Somehow, he understands her more than humans ever can. “You have a choice,” he says.
> 
> She blinks. “What?”
> 
> “You have a choice,” he repeats, “There are four options here. You can keep Lizzy and forgive Kara later on. Second, you can keep her and spend the rest of your life resenting Kara. Three, you can give the baby up for adoption and go back to your life. Lastly, you can give her up and regret it later on.” Another sad look. “It’s your choice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with how this chapter ended so I might revisit this later on and edit a couple of lines. However, I felt like I haven't posted in a while and I didn't want to keep you guys waiting so here it is! I'm so sorry for the long wait. I really had a bad case of mental block. I made it longer to keep you guys happy so please do bear with any grammatical or character mistakes. I'll fix them later on.

_You only know what I want you to_  
_I know everything you don't want me to_  
_Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine_  
_You think your dreams are the same as mine_

_Oh I don't love you but I always will_

_**—** _ **The Civil Wars, Poison and Wine** _  
_

...

Kara doesn’t wake up the day after.

She’s been transferred to the DEO after Alex checked her injuries and deemed her stable enough to be moved. When a large group of people in doctor’s robes arrived and took her away in a makeshift ambulance headed straight to the DEO, Lena’s throat closed in on itself. The sight of the still unconscious Kara with an oxygen mask secured against her mouth does little to calm her nerves and Lena spends the rest of her time struggling to focus on the most mundane of tasks.

Lizzy is a godsend. 

She keeps Lena distracted with her constant babbles and walking struggles. It occurs to Lena just how much she’s grown over the past few weeks. The baby’s blonde hair is longer, her face rounder and her vocabulary broader. She usually tries to repeat the things Lena says, to no avail since several of them doesn’t make sense. When Lena called Jess from her house one morning, the most Lizzy could repeat was ‘Ess!’ 

(It didn’t fail to melt her heart.)

She hopes that Lizzy’s first real word reaches Kara’s own ears. Some part of her knows the blonde would like that.

But other than being busy with Lizzy, Lena’s been plagued with her own self-deprecating thoughts. It's similar to the months after she left National City, when she fled from Kara and the guilt she felt — still _feels_ — over killing her brother. She thought she had mostly healed from Lex's lasting words to her before his death but she realizes now that his reign of terror will never truly end. Not when there are countless other worlds out there in which he still exists and spreads like cancer, ruining people's lives like it's the only thing he was born to do. 32 consecutive life sentences in this Earth isn't enough for what he did to Earth-36. 

Destroying her family, along with the rest of the world. The more she spends time with Lizzy, the more her guilt grows. After all, this isn't really her daughter. Not technically, anyway. Some part of her, deep down inside, knows that she only serves as a replacement for the real parents Lizzy has lost. The thought of telling Lizzy the truth later on in life seems like stake to the heart. She can't help but feel like she's part to blame over the situation — it _was_ her brother who destroyed the child's home planet to reach his maniacal goal of defeating Super girl. Lena has to wonder if they had a Superman in Earth-36 and if he perished too.

She really hopes that Lex is gone. In this world, she was the one who pulled the trigger but in Lizzy's, nobody is certain where he really is and if he has truly perished. Blood is the only thing they share but she feels his sins tainting the liquid in her veins nonetheless. Wherever she goes, he always follows. As the Luthor name's legacy or as a ghost tormenting her soul. 

He'll never truly be gone. 

And Lizzy is theirs to keep. The thing is, Lena isn't sure if she and Kara are up to the task. 

Her thoughts are interrupted when there's a knock on the front door. It's been a few days since Kara was admitted to the DEO and there hasn’t been an update from Alex. She stands from her position next to Lizzy on the carpeted floor facing the TV and heads over to swing the door open. Standing on the other side is Brainy, holding up paper bag. Lena can smell freshly baked bread inside. “Hi,” he says, smiling at her, “Just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Lena lets him in. In the event of Kara’s trip to Earth-36, she realizes that she hasn’t really gotten to sit down and talk to Brainy regarding his life back in National City. He was one of her closest confidants, somebody who could understand the bulk of emotions and how dangerous they are when let loose. The mere fact that he’s practically a walking computer strengthens Lena’s respect for technology. And seeing him in the living room with an anxious smile plastered on his face as he stares at Lizzy playing with her tiger, it hits Lena just how much her anger has faded. All that’s left now is exhaustion.

“Do you want anything?” Lena asks.

“Oh no, I’m fine.” Brainy puts the paper bag on the coffee table and sits next to Lizzy. He gives the baby a little wave. “Hello, Lizzy. I hope you’re feeling particularly satiated today.”

“That’s Brainy, “Lena tells her daughter as she, too, takes a seat. “He’s a friend.”

“I’m happy you still think of me as one.”

Lena smiles. “I’m sorry that we haven’t been able to talk. Things have been… _hectic_.”

“Frantic. Frenzied. Manic.” Brainy nods, serious as ever. “I agree with your word choice. It’s fitting.”

Lizzy takes her tiger in one hand and hands it to Brainy. “ _Taga_ , “she states.

“I believe that’s not part of the English language.” Nonetheless, he takes the stuffed animal.

“I’ve been teaching her how to talk,” Lena explains, placing her hand on Lizzy’s back, “Most of what she’s uttered don’t really make sense but I can get the context from it.”

Brain’s smile grows then falters. Lena takes notice. When Lizzy lets out a long yawn, the raven-haired woman is quick to pick the baby up into her arms and rock her quickly but gently to get her to sleep. It takes ten minutes. Brainy decides read a few books that Lena has on the shelves lining the wall as he waits for the woman to come back from tucking her daughter in. Lena finds Brainy seated in the middle of the couch with a book on physics placed on his knee afterwards. “Is there a specific reason you’ve visited me?” she asks, taking the seat next to him.

“Well, not really.” Brainy puts the book away and looks up at her.

“Has anything happened to Kara?”

“There’s no progress yet.” When Brainy hears Lena’s soft defeated sigh, he reaches out and places his hand on top of her own. “I’m sorry but she’s stable,” he adds, “All her vitals are in check. The bleeding has stopped and her arm is back to normal. She’s just not waking up yet. Alex thinks that she might’ve suffered a head injury.”

“Oh.” Lena’s heart clenches inside her chest — it’s a wretched thing to feel like an important piece of her life is hanging off the balance. As much as she’s still angry with Kara for keeping things from her and lying to her for years, she knows, deep down inside, that Kara Danvers is still important to her.

Masochistic, if she has to say so herself.

“What’s inside that 12th-Level brain of yours?” she asks when Brainy stares at her little bit harder than usual. He blinks, as if he hasn’t realized the intensity of his stare, and clears his throat. 

“My apologies.” 

“You seem like there’s a lot on your mind. Do you want to ask me something?” Lena puts her hands together and leans forward, feeling a wave of apprehension when Brainy doesn’t say anything at first. An array of scenarios, all bad, cross her brain. She takes a deep inhale through her nostrils and clenches her fists. “Brainy, is something wrong with Kara?”

He looks up sharply. “What? No, of course not. It’s just…” Hesitation plays behind his eyes. Lena raises an eyebrow, daring him to confess. “I’m sorry,” he says again, “Alex and I were discussing this yesterday. I wanted to know if you’re keeping Lizzy.”

The statement surprises Lena more than she lets on. Then it hits her. Of course. Earth-36’s Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor have perished in another Lex-induced apocalypse. There’s nothing they can do about that. Which means technically speaking, Lizzy Luthor-Danvers is an orphan. Therefore, she and Kara in this world are her best options for perfectly normal life. If a Super and a Luthor as her parents can even be considered a _normal_ life.

Lena hasn’t let herself think that far ahead into the future, especially with the dire circumstances they’ve found themselves in. And even though she and Kara aren’t together in this life, she doesn’t want to make such a crucial decision without the blonde by her side. It wouldn’t feel right.

“If it were up to me,” she begins, reaching out and plucking a baguette from the paper bag Brainy brought in, “I would keep her. However, you and I both know this is something that I can’t decide on my own.”

Brainy nods understandingly. “Is there really a doubt in your mind that Kara wouldn’t want Lizzy?” he asks.

Lena bites into the baguette and shakes her head. She thinks of Kara being the ‘fun mom,’ of casual mention that she was already planning Lizzy’s first birthday, of the bond she has with her daughter. Besides, that woman is too good and too pure to ever let a child — regardless if it’s her own or not — grow up without her own family.

“Did you think that I wouldn’t?” Lena shoots back.

Brainy smirks. “Oh, that was just a rhetorical question. I know you want her. You might think she isn’t yours but there’s no denying that you’ve already grown to care about her,” he states flippantly, “The only problem I see here is if you’re willing to raise a child with Kara.”

“I’ve already discussed that with her,” Lena says, looking away when she remembers the conversation. _As long as it takes_. “Lizzy is more important than my feelings about this situation.”

“As much as I want to agree about the importance of a child growing with her mothers, there’s something I want you to know.” Brainy turns towards her then, serious as ever. His gaze is calculating but compassionate. A computer with emotions. The advanced version of an AI. Somehow, he understands her more than humans ever can. “You have a choice,” he says.

She blinks. “What?”

“You have a choice,” he repeats, “There are four options here. You can keep Lizzy and forgive Kara later on. Second, you can keep her and spend the rest of your life resenting Kara. Three, you can give the baby up for adoption and go back to your life. Lastly, you can give her up and regret it later on.” Another sad look. “It’s your choice.”

Lena grows quiet. Something heavy lies on her chest, like there’s a giant hand squeezing her heart. “That doesn’t make it seem like I have a choice,” she points out. Her thoughts are all over the place. The idea of Lizzy growing up with another family — one with a mother and a father, maybe even a little sister or an older brother — gives her mixed feelings. She understands what Brainy is trying to say. It might seem like the best option here is the keep Lizzy and raise her alongside Kara. But if the larger part of her can’t ever fully forgive Kara for what she’s done, it’s only going to create a toxic environment for the child. She’s been through hell and back with her own family — with Lilian’s scathing comments and Lex’s slow descent to madness. It doesn’t work out well in the end.

She can’t subject Lizzy to this kind of cruelty. A flimsy idea of a family where one person can’t forgive the other. What happens if later on she and Kara separate? What if Lena’s anger and bitterness proves too dire in the near future and Kara doesn’t want anything to do with them anymore? Lizzy would have to go through losing a parent. All because of Lena. All because Lena wanted to keep her, despite not being certain if she wanted to keep Kara around too.

(Despite not being certain if she still loves Kara or not.)

“I don’t want you to feel obligated to take care of a child when you don’t want to,” Brainy points out, “You might believe that you don’t have a choice when it comes to Lizzy but you do. You don’t have to put your life on hold. We can have her adopted. Based on previous experience, that’s always proved well. Also, I’ve read many books regarding child support and services before I came here. The worst thing a child can experience is growing up in a home where they aren’t wanted.”

“But,” Lena implores, tears stinging the back of her eyes, “I _do_ want her.”  

“That means wanting Kara to be part of her life. Yours, too.” He tilts his head to the side, clasping his hands together. “Do you want that?”

Lena doesn’t answer. She can’t believe she’s been so stupid and reckless. Thinking only about the short-term effects of having Lizzy around. Agreeing to let Kara stay at her house without really thinking about what it might mean. Putting Lizzy’s own needs before her own and not seeing just how much it could backfire. Brainy is right. There’s always going to be a possibility that things won’t work out. Her wounds run so deep she’s not entirely certain she can get back from it. And Kara — despite Kara’s loyalty and love for her, would she really want to put her life on hold and raise a kid with a Luthor? Certainly, she’d want to grow her own family, with her own child and husband in her own house in the suburbs. This just seems an awful lot like a cheap knockoff to what can be the real thing.

Lena thinks about Lizzy.

“I —” She shuts her eyes and clenches her jaw. “I can’t give you an answer now.”

Brainy’s hand covers her own. “I’m sorry,” he quietly says, “I just don’t want you to bottle up your feelings inside anymore. Forgive me for this but your ‘little boxes’ theory is just plain _crap_. Nothing good comes out of holding everything in.”

A chuckle makes it past Lena’s lips. “You’re not the first person who’s said that,” she says, nodding at him, “but it works. Emotions are overwhelming. I try not to let it get the best of me.”

“I understand that what I’m going to say next may sound very ironic but” — Brainy looks her dead in the eye — “you are not a computer, Lena. There is no human algorithm to switch off your emotions, unless you’re a Coluan, which is very easy to do.” 

“Don’t make me regret being human.” 

“Of course not,” Brainy says as he smiles at her, “Being human is one of your best traits.” 

 …

Lena’s conversation with Brainy has left her reeling. As Lizzy sleeps through the rest of the afternoon, she finds herself pouring some scotch into a glass and staring at the skies while she’s at the patio. Jess calls in with a few updates about the company but she finds no interest in talking to a bunch of white men about things they clearly don’t understand. She thinks of Kara, as she finds herself doing more and more each day. It’s difficult not to. Kara feels like a part of her now, not just through Lizzy, but through history and emotions and a bond so strong Lena finds it difficult to fully let go. A part so closely intertwined with her heart that she doesn’t even want to remember what life was like without her in the first place.

She can’t even imagine living the rest of it without her. Perhaps this is what was supposed to happen all along. Lena leaves National City, only for fate to come crashing down and bring Kara back to her. Even without Lizzy, she has a strong suspicion Kara would only follow her to the ends of the earth. Asking for forgiveness and offering friendship in return. Despite the secret that tarnished their friendship, Lena knows that Kara is her one and only best friend. 

 _That means wanting Kara to be part of her life. Yours, too_. Brainy is right. If she takes in Lizzy, Kara is part of the package. It would be cruel to leave her out of it. They are the mothers, after all. 

Barry’s words suddenly come back to her. _Does she know that you love her_ ? Of course Kara does. She _should_. Lena told her in so many ways. Filling her office with flowers. Buying CatCo. All of their lunchdates. Protecting her from those bad guys even though Kara could take care of herself. Sure, she never outright said it but if there’s anything in the world that’s as clear as crystal, it’s the fact that Lena Luthor loves Kara Danvers. Despite their stupid arguments and year-long secrets. She honestly, stupidly still does.

 _I don’t think Lena can stay away from Kara for too long_ , J’onn had said. Lena’s throat closes in on itself as she thinks about the truth in those words. The scotch is bitter against her tongue but it helps to keep her grounded. Makes her think about her next options. 

She thinks about Earth-36 and wonders what went down between her and Kara. Since they were together and got married, the other Lena must’ve done something right. Or maybe perhaps the other Kara told her about being Supergirl from the very beginning. Their friendship turned into love. She has to wonder if that path would’ve still opened up to them had it not been for Lizzy. She's not sure if that same path is still accessible to them now. 

She turns away to pour herself another glass of scotch inside the kitchen when she hears the faintest sound of boots landing softly onto the grass outside the patio. Believing it as only her imagination or wishful thinking, she lets her shoulders sag as her thoughts wander once more. 

"Lena," a voice says from behind her. 

She freezes. When she turns, she finds Kara standing behind her. The blonde looks… perfectly fine. Long, blonde hair tied in a ponytail behind her back, blue eyes shining brightly behind brand new glasses sitting on top of her nose and her mouth curled in a soft, hesitant smile. There are no signs of bruises or injuries she sustained a few days ago. She’s wearing her usual beige button-up shirt tucked into dark jeans. When their gazes meet, Lena feels like the entire universe has collapsed, reassembled and aligned to shape this _exact_ moment, where she’s staring at Kara after having nearly lost her and Kara is looking at her like _nothing_ has changed — like they’re only meeting up for coffee after a day’s work, like she didn’t nearly die in some other fucking dimension. And oh _God_ — Lena aches. 

In her mind’s eye, she sees Kara risking her life over and over again to save her. She sees Kara catching her after being pushed off a balcony, sees Kara carrying her away when Metallo exploded, sees Kara dropping the chemicals to save _her_ — Lena, disgraced daughter of the Luthor name, sister to a xenophobic ego-centric psychopath, a woman so fucked over by life she doesn’t think there’s anything worth saving about her. But here is stupid Kara Danvers, the epitome of good, innocence and sunshine — looking at her now like her last name doesn’t matter, _hasn’t_ mattered at all during their entire friendship. It feels like a kick straight to the stomach and Lena suddenly feels like she can’t breathe. Guilt claws at her throat. All those times — Kara has risked her life over and over again to save her and the knowledge of this is a heavy burden on her shoulders. 

The scotch glass tumbling from her hand and crashing onto the floor grounds her back to reality. 

Kara jumps forward to gather the shards. Lena shakes her head and bends down to join her, muttering her apologies as she tries to make sense of this tight and heavy feeling inside her chest. Her hands are trembling. 

“Are you okay?” Kara asks softly, her blue eyes staring straight into Lena’s soul. 

“I’m fine,” the raven-haired woman chokes out.

“Are you…” Kara takes a deep breath. “Are you happy to see me?” 

Lena pauses. “You don’t think I’m happy to see you?” 

The uncertainty in Kara’s eyes nearly moves Lena to tears. She has to look away and stand up, throwing the glass shards straight into the trash can. Kara hovers behind her anxiously. Lena leans on the sink then, her heart still thundering inside her chest. They face each other on opposite sides of the kitchen counter. 

“Why wouldn’t I be happy to see you?” Lena asks incredulously, hating the hitch in her voice. She crosses her arms, trying to control herself. But her emotions are starting to bubble up underneath the surface and the sight of Kara in front of her only seems to egg it on. 

Kara shrugs, biting her lower lip. “You’re still angry with me.”

“That doesn’t mean I want you _dead_ ,” Lena points out and her heart stutters. The thought of Kara dead in any universe — much less her own — is a terrifying concept. Tears spring into her eyes. “Believe me, I am still mad at you for keeping things from me and for being this stupid unearthly invincible Kryptonian who might get herself killed sooner or later but — _fuck_ , Kara. There will _never_ be a time or place here on Earth or any other Earth where I will never be happy to see you.” 

Kara, to her credit, looks terribly dumbfounded. “I told you that I’d be back,” she says, “You didn’t think I would be?”

Here she goes again — risking her life like it doesn’t matter, like it doesn’t affect anybody, like it wouldn’t hurt Lena. 

“You might be near-invincible, Supergirl,” Lena says, her tone spiteful, “but you can still die.” 

“That’s a chance I’m willing to take for Lizzy.” Kara crosses her arms defensively. “I wasn’t going to sit here and twiddle my thumbs while for all we know, her real parents are out there looking for her.” 

“I _know_ that, Kara, but you ran straight in there without a fucking plan and — ” 

“I promised you that I would come back — ” 

“That doesn’t matter!” Lena snaps, feeling the flames of anger and relief licking the inside of her chest; anger at Kara for thinking that everything is okay and relief that everything _is_ . It’s a mess of confusing emotions that reminds Lena why she hates feeling this way; helpless, vulnerable and at the mercy of her feelings. “It doesn’t matter if you’re invincible or if you think you’re going to be fine because let’s face it, Kara — you nearly _died_ while you were out there!” 

Kara’s jaw goes stubborn. “But I didn’t.” 

“You might’ve.”

“I _didn’t_ , Lena. Can’t you just be satisfied with that?” 

“How can I be? Think about it, Kara. There odds are always against you everytime you go off running to save the world! Everytime you step into your suit, the mathematical probability of you coming back alive and well and _intact_ isn’t sufficient — ”

“Well, _now_ you don’t seem too happy to see me.” Kara runs her fingers through her hair and mutters under her breath, “Okay, fine. So you’re mad at me because I _might’ve_ died out there even though I’m here now?”

Lena gestures wildly. “Who wouldn’t be!” 

“I needed to find Lizzy’s parents,” Kara points out tersely, looking drained, “and even though I didn’t, at least we had some answers. Besides, I had Barry with me — ” 

“Oh, don’t you say that again,” Lena interrupts, rubbing her eyes, “You told me that before you left and what do I see the second you both get back? You in his arms dying!” 

“I _wasn’t_ dying!” 

“You didn’t see yourself, Kara.” Lena moves around the counter and steps closer to the blonde; Kara stands her ground, the expression on her face stubborn, “You didn’t see the blood or the broken arm or bruises on your skin! I shouldn’t have agreed to let you go out there in the first place — ” 

“You don’t decide that for me,” Kara lowly growls, puffing out her chest in her annoying Supergirl way. 

“Listen to me —” 

“I am, Lena!” 

“I thought you were going to die!” Unable to contain her emotions, Lena slams her clenched fists against Kara’s chest. It feels like hitting a wall. She does it again and again; Kara doesn’t flinch, only lets her have a well-needed temper tantrum. It infuriates Lena even more. “You aren’t allowed to die on me, you stupid, heroic godly alien! Just because I’m mad at you doesn’t mean that I would rather not see you again. You — you — you come back into my life after _months_ and I — ” 

“I thought you never wanted to see me again,” Kara snaps, looking confused and agitated.  

“Yes, I do!” Lena yells, her voice hoarse and choked up as she hits Kara one last time; her fingers uncurl then and grips the lapels of the blonde's shirt, “ _Of course_ I want to see you! Who wouldn’t, you piece of shit? I _can’t_ do this without you, Kara. If — if — if for some reason you go to a suicide mission and not come back home, I wouldn’t know _what_ to do!” 

“Really?” For the first time in a long time, anger sparks up in Kara’s eyes. “Because it didn’t seem that way after you left National City, after you ignored my calls, after you dropped off the face of the Earth and pretended that I didn’t exist.” 

Lena rears back, as if she’s been slapped. “What?” 

“ _Rao_ , Lena,” Kara exasperatedly says, anger and frustration coloring her tone; her eyes suddenly start glowing around the edges, “You think you’re the only one who’s been hurting this whole time? I _lost_ you! I was freaking devastated! I’ve been trying to understand your feelings but you need to understand mine too. All you’ve done the whole time I’ve been here in Metropolis is tell me over and over again that things will never be the same between us. So you don’t get to decide if I can go on missions or what to do with my life because as far as I’m concerned, you were the one who cut yourself out of it!” 

There is silence. Kara looks away, the color of her eyes returning to its normal shade of blue. 

Lena takes a deep breath, stabilizing the roar of emotions in her heart. _Breathe, breathe, breathe_ , she tells herself, _be logical_ . “You’re right,” she admits, her teeth gritted, “I get where you’re coming from but this isn’t just about _us_ anymore. We have a kid to take care of. Lizzy is relying on us and if we can’t get our heads out of our asses and stop arguing, then maybe we shouldn’t be doing this.”

Kara glances sharply at her, eyes narrowed. “What are you trying to say?”

Lena takes a step back and shakes her head. She thinks back to what Brainy told her and clenches her fists. _The worst thing a child can experience is growing up in a home where they aren’t wanted._ He was right. Maybe they shouldn’t be doing this. They know nothing about parenthood. The only thing tying them to Lizzy is their DNA. You don’t need to be related to be good parents. Kara’s adoptive parents are proof of that. Lizzy can surely find another family to live with. Besides, if they are to do this, it needs to be by their own volition and not out of obligation. 

“Do you want Lizzy?” Lena directs the question to Kara, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow; Kara looks taken aback by the bluntness of the inquiry and the abrupt change of topic.

“What are you —? Of course I do.” 

“Are you sure?” Lena presses, placing her palms flat on the table and staring at the blonde, “Because this is going to be long-term. No getting out of it. You and I are going to be _parents_ to this beautiful and wonderful child. We’re going to be there every step of the way and I don’t want her to grow up in a toxic environment where we’re always fighting. I _know_ that it’s my fault I’m acting this way and I — I can’t say that I’ve forgiven you yet and the feeling seems to be mutual — ” 

“It’s not,” Kara states, shaking her head. She takes a step closer.

Lena opens and closes her mouth like a fish out of water. "What?"

"The feeling isn't mutual." Kara chuckles but it drips with sarcasm. "Not by a long shot, anyway." The blonde fixes her glasses, clearing her throat. "Yes, I was angry at you. You left all of a sudden and at first, I thought you'd been kidnapped. But I saw you here in Metropolis and I saw you trying to move on and I just knew that you _knew._ You have every right to be upset with me but I couldn't help but feel so freaking _angry_ at how you didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. I have my reasons for not telling you that I was Supergirl but that's the difference between you and I, Lena."

Lena can't bear to look her in the eye, choosing instead to glare the countertop. Kara reaches out and lightly touches the skin of her hand. "I forgave you the second we saw each other again."

Swallowing thickly, Lena meets her gaze. “Why?” 

Kara doesn’t hesitate, her face full of pain. “Because I love you.” 

It only takes a second. A second of Lena staring into Kara’s eyes. A second of her heart going still.  A second of the world going quiet. Her anger and hurt might’ve stemmed in the very core of her being for months now but in that one second, it feels like she’s finally let go of the anchor holding her down and keeping her from being truly happy. It feels like that toxic and bitter seed of rage and hatred has finally been removed. It feels like liberation and helplessness. In that one second, Lena thinks back to Barry’s question. _Does she know that you love her_? 

Lena doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“You’re my best friend,” Kara continues, exhaling a breath she seems to have been holding in and forcing a smile; her hand curls around Lena's wrist, “Nothing you do or say can ever push me away.” 

“But…” Lena finds herself unable to come up with the right words to say in this moment. She wants to tell Kara that she’s being an idiot, that their friendship will only hurt them both in the end, that she’s too damaged and fucked up to even consider parenting a baby with. But with every word she tries to get out of her mouth, the more Kara’s grip tightens. As if she knows what Lena is thinking and wills her not to say it out loud. 

"No buts," Kara says, "Take all the time you need." 

"You don’t deserve to go through this," Lena manages to sputter, closing her eyes shut. She's been holding back tears during their entire conversation but she now feels them flowing freely against her cheeks. “Kara, I… I want Lizzy. You have no idea how much I want to be a part of her life but I — I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to take care of her too — ” 

“What makes you say that?” Kara frowns. “I don’t feel any _obligation_. I agreed to take care of her with you because I want to.” 

“But you deserve your _own_ family,” Lena stresses, pulling her wrist away from Kara’s grip and running frantic fingers through her hair, “You deserve to take care of your own kid with somebody you really love and —” 

“Lizzy _is_ my kid and I _do_ love you,” Kara interrupts. Lena is too busy moaning about the entire situation to realize that the blonde’s cheeks have grown bright pink. “You might not share the same views anymore, Lena, but I still think of you as family.”

“You’re an idiot for thinking that —” 

“ _Lena_.” Kara shakes her head exasperatedly. “Just... I need you to trust me with this. If we’re going to raise Lizzy as our own, you have to. I know that it might be difficult for you but —”

“I do,” Lena says without thinking, locking eyes with the blonde, “I do trust you.” 

Kara’s expression changes slightly. Her eyes soften and her mouth goes slack. There’s a sudden tension in the air, the same kind you would feel when somebody slips up and tells the truth in a game of Truth or Dare. It feels like something’s pulling her towards Kara — some sort of magnetizing energy that forsakes all rational thoughts and focuses entirely on the _now_ of the moment. Lena feels everything so strongly now — the sudden thickness in the room, the underlying smell of the scotch she spilled earlier and the way Kara is looking at her. 

Kara looks at her like she’s the last potsticker in the entire world. Like she’s the last breath of fresh air in an oxygen-deprived world. Like she’s a shooting star in a constellation-speckled sky. 

Lena doesn’t know what she’s thinking. Perhaps it’s the unhealthy amount of scotch she drank earlier. Maybe it’s the pull she feels from Kara whose gaze hasn’t left her. It is possible that her mini breakdown has caused a severe lack of judgment in the situation. But she finds herself leaning forward when Kara does. Her heart thrashes wildly inside her chest. It doesn’t occur to her until much later how badly she wants this and she’s never thought about _this_ before. Wait, no, of course she has. She’s thought of Kara like this a long time ago but only briefly before the idea was crushed by the appearance of Mon-El. The want and need to _know_ returns tenfold. She abandons all rational thinking and aches to know what Kara Danvers tastes like —

The sound of Lizzy crying upstairs slices through the air. 

Kara flinches and pulls away. “I’ll check up on her,” she murmurs, looking regretful.

“Yeah.” Lena’s heart struggles to slow down. “Okay. I’ll uh… stay here.” 

There’s another tense silence. Kara looks like she wants to say something before she decides otherwise and heads upstairs to take care of Lizzy. Left alone with her thoughts, Lena inhales deeply and presses a hand against her chest. It feels like her heart has become a rapid hummingbird. A part of her wants to throw something across the room to feel something _other_ than this hot and heavy weight in her chest but decides against it. 

She’s always admired how easy it was to control her own emotions but in this moment, it doesn’t seem so simple. The entangled mass of emotions inside her chest is something she has never experienced before. It is both terrible and fulfilling. It makes her realize the mortality of her life and how painful it can be to live like this. Depriving herself of the basic necessities of human emotions. Boxing away her feelings. Treating herself like a robot. She’s spent the past few months trying to move on from Kara Danvers but with the woman so fully ingrained in her life now, everything she’s repressed has returned viciously. 

 _Because I love you_ , Kara said without a hint of hesitation or falsehood. It sounded and felt like the truth.

Amidst all of the lies Kara has told her, Lena finds it hard not to believe this one. 

Old habits die hard. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love almost-kisses, don't you???
> 
> Once again, please comment your thoughts down below! Give me some ideas about fluffy moments. We're done with the angst and moving into fluff train!


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